


He Hates You. Let's Be Friends!

by Harrishawksuperiour



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, BAMF Leia Organa, Babies, Ben Is Basically Adam Driver, Ben Vs Hux, Ben Walks Around The House Naked, Ben is a Teddy Bear, Boss/Employee Relationship, Chronic Illness, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Doubt, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Female Protagonist, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Force Choking, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Guilt, Humour, Hux Wants His Ex, Hux is Not Nice, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Imprisonment, Infiltration, Injured Hux, Interrogation, Jealousy, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Doesn't Know How To Approach A Woman, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Living Together, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Loss of Virginity, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Major Illness, Male-Female Friendship, Mind Invasion, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Near Death Experiences, Oblivious Finn, Physical Abuse, Post-Battle of Starkiller Base, Post-Movie(s), Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pregnant Sex, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, References to Illness, Relationship(s), Resolved Sexual Tension, Rey Ships It, Rey Skywalker, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Friendship, Romantic Gestures, Secret Marriage, Secretly a Virgin, Sexual Content, Shameless Smut, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Smut, Strong Language, Team as Family, Undercover, Unplanned Pregnancy, Victory, Virgin Kylo Ren, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Night, Wedding Rings, Weddings, mild violence, resistance base
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:22:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 73,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5832436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harrishawksuperiour/pseuds/Harrishawksuperiour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Hux has decided to do things more officially and annoy Kylo Ren at the same time. Normay Vance is a clever if brash psychologist who knows how to talk things out of people. She's perfect to take away Ren's favourite pastime of interrogating prisoners. Ren is fascinated. Normay's terrified. Hux is jealous but does he have reason to be? Quite possibly when Ren and Normay bond over something very unexpected. Very strong language and smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not That Kind Of Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> General Hux sends for a psychologist to muscle in on Kylo Ren's favourite pastime of interrogating prisoners. It turns out she's more than that. A few months after Normay Vance arrives on the Finalizer sees her swapping between there and the new Starkiller Base as she's needed. Kylo Ren is fascinated, he can't figure her out so he decides to get a bit closer but a little too close for Normay's comfort when he finds out something he shouldn't. She's just so wonderfully out of place!

 

 

To say that Normay Vance was unusual would have been an apt statement, perhaps even an understatement. Though she was human and only in her late twenties, she'd accomplished a great deal. Technically, a doctor of psychology, she was brought on board as interrogation officer with her knowledge of the workings of the mind. Here she was, the only 'official' interrogation officer on board the new Starkiller base: The General's new baby.

 

And she had been asked for specifically. Her record was exceptional and the General felt her talents would be wasted elsewhere. Her individuality also stretched to her looks. People were more likely to talk if what they were looking at was pretty. She was small and petite but stronger than she looked. It probably wasn't a surprise that Normay was pale. She came from a place where the sun barely shone, where it rained more often than not and it was cold for the vast majority of the year. Her eyes had a strange grey twinge to them with something her father had called a 'sunflower'. That was before he died.

 

Her hair was gathered back into a high, wavy ponytail to keep it out of her face while she worked. That too was grey. Or ashy silver, it glinted like silver so she called it silver. There was always that one kink that was too short to be tied back but long enough to annoy her. Normay's personality generally was cocky and sarcastic but kind with a dash of an explosive temper. Her facial features were striking and appealing, her intelligence was second to none but when she opened her mouth... Her mouth was foul and she didn't care who knew it. It was enhanced by a coarse accent from a planet of myths and legends.

 

"Fucks sake!" Normay cursed loudly as she strode through the empty medical bay on the way to her office. "Fuck! Holy fuckin' shit, what the fuck does he think he's doin'?!" She wasn't afraid of the General. Quite the opposite. She didn't care if he heard her. "This bitch, I swear!" The urge to smash something was strong but she wouldn't be a Kylo Ren wannabe.

 

He had really done it this time. Really pissed her off. Denying her request to go to Jakku first rather than sending in the Stormtroopers and Kylo Ren.

 

"The Stormtroopers will handle it." She could hear that nasally accent, granted it was probably exaggerated by her own imagination but it enraged her nonetheless. "Waste of your talents. They're only villagers."

" _Talents my fuck! They're people, you little ginger shit!_ " She'd calm down eventually but he'd riled her. Normay leaned against one of the walls of the ward and lightly banged her head against it with her eyes closed. The ponytail hindered the process somewhat but it soothed her. Then she felt it. That prickling feeling of being watched and something else; something more invasive.

 

Normay's eyes opened and in the corridor, she saw the source; staring at her from a distance. The black masked figure that just seemed to turn up wherever she was. And he had just heard her call the General a little ginger shit. Well, fuck. Normay stood up fully when she remembered she was still slumped against the wall. She knew his name was Kylo Ren. She did not know where he came from or what had brought him to the First Order. She'd heard he was a Jedi but wasn't sure how true that was. She had never seen his face nor heard his real voice, only the distorter and even that was rare.

 

She had heard it when he spoke to the General but he had never spoken to her directly. He was more observant than anything until he flew into one of his infamous fits. The ones where he broke everything and injured the odd Stormtrooper. She was afraid of him. He made her nervous with his mystery and how he could just pop up anywhere. His mask prevented her from reading his face but she assumed he was unimpressed.

 

He was hardly chuckling under there, even though she noticed the disdain when he and the General finished speaking to each other. Purely by body language. It seemed he grew bored and continued on his way without a word. That was part of her theory. That she'd been brought on board purely to piss off Kylo Ren. She'd probably be fired or killed tomorrow.

 

Kylo Ren stalked from the bay. That new interrogation officer was _fascinating_. On a vessel full of brainwashed Stormtroopers and even the staff who operated around the base (they all seemed to be devoid of a personality as well); it was refreshing to finally hear someone fight. He'd been drawn to the argument and listened with amusement as she went for the General's jugular and even more enjoyable was the string of profanities she spat on her way back down to her office when he shut her down.

 

Her annoyance was palpable in the air and he knew what it felt like. That kind of frustration. That was even more prominent. She was beginning to become his new favourite thing. Purely because she was different and to some degree, relatable. She looked upon him with fear, he could feel that too. Maybe it was better that way. He didn't need to get attached. If her fights with Hux continued, she might not be around that much longer.

 

* * *

 

 

Normay sat in her quarters, going through a psychology book where she had found several errors and was almost persuaded to write a strongly worded letter to the publisher. She was interrupted, however, by a knock to the door.

 

"General." Normay greeted grimly and stepped aside to let her superior past her before closing the door.

"I know things didn't go well today, I know I upset you." He looked around her quarters as he spoke, trying to think if there was more to be done to it.

"What did he tell you?" She asked nonchalantly, going back to the table where the book lay open but didn't sit down, merely leaned against it.

"What did who tell me?" He replied with genuine confusion, looking back to the silver haired female.

"Doesn't matter." She gave him something of a coy smile. "You didn't come all the way down here to discuss our little spat, now did you, General?"

"No, Doctor. I didn't." He was on her in a second. That kiss was vicious. And she welcomed it. Her hair came down and the two started to unceremoniously tear at each other's uniforms. The General wore his uniform with pride. Everything was neatly pressed and folded but when he was in this frame of mind, it was merely an obstacle to getting inside the doctor.

 

By the time they'd blindly fought each other to her bedroom, there was little left to be taken off. The metal bed groaned under the weight of two writhing bodies as the touching got more purposeful and direct. He broke his lips from her's to leave his mark on her neck and collarbone, just to remind her. Small pleasured hisses left the doctor at the stings but she'd mark him later in her own way.

 

Both sets of underwear were tossed with disregard over the side of the bed and with a swing of the General's hips, they'd begun. This arrangement had been going on for several months, starting maybe a week or so after she arrived.It was nothing to do with her job or to get her own way (earlier that day was proof of that), it was just down to attraction. A primal attraction that made them take their frustrations out on each other. The General was renowned for his uptight demeanour, his by the book attitude and his love of perfection.

 

How he had found himself thinking of the brash doctor in the shower, he wasn't sure. He put it down to opposites attracting. Sometimes it made Normay laugh when she saw him in professional mode. How different he was in bed. Or on the table. Or against the wall. Or the bookcase. He was an animal. He only gave her half to begin with, slow to give her time to adjust. She didn't need it but he liked to tease her.

 

"That's not fair." She told him with a longing groan.

 

The response she got was a wicked smirk and a sudden ram so she took him all the way to the base. The stretch and the feeling of fullness contorted her face and drew out her first proper moan. It was what he waited for. He didn't kiss her so he could see her face. With that satisfied, his lips returned hungrily to her's as his barrage of hard, rough thrusts kicked off. She wouldn't have been his complete opposite if she wasn't noisy in bed. Which she was.

 

But he muffled her lips with his own or even just by putting his face down close to her's. It was her turn. The closer down to her that he got, the more space she would have. Finally, she struck; latching her nails deep into his back and dragging them down slowly. Hux's head slung back with his eyes closed as he felt the blood ooze to the surface, accompanied by a low, rumbling growl. Fair was fair.

 

"That's it. Purr for me." She encouraged silkily, panting herself and loving the spectacle above her.

"Kinky bitch." He snarled with arousal, dragging himself up to give himself more room before dropping the speed and driving in one crushing thrust at a time with a grunt of effort and a slap of skin on skin with each one.

 

" _Fuck!_ " Normay sobbed, biting down hard on her bottom lip and her eyes clasped shut. He looked down on her with gratification and pride. He adored what he could do to her, reduce her to. "Come on." He pushed her, knowing she was close.

"Look at me." She did as she was told and pried her eyes open to ride out the incredible feeling that was starting to gather in her stomach. His pace resumed to help her reach the climax she silently begged him for until it suddenly hit her. The long, guttural moan could have been mistaken for pain but it was the furthest thing from it.

 

"I'm going to..."

"Do it..." It was all he needed. They both felt the spasming that drew out his orgasm, milking him out inside her. Now, she just wanted to enjoy it. They both collapsed in well-earned exhaustion, panting, bleeding and bruised but most importantly: satisfied. He pulled her up onto his chest with both arms wrapped around her tiny frame, holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world, his cheek resting against the top of her head. It was strange.

 

For an arrangement that held no love, they were oddly affectionate with each other. Normay assumed it was just something else he took away with him. He didn't have anything else. Just his job. Gently, he played with a tousled lock of silver strands; it had always amazed him, the colour.

"Shall I go?"

"No, stay. I don't wanna feel cheap." A light laugh was the last thing she heard and a soft kiss was the last thing she felt as sleep claimed her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Normay walked the base the next day on her way to breakfast with a new found confidence and a vain spring in her step. The General was gone when she woke but gave her a knowing look when she entered the dining hall. Normay's cocky side came out; hips swinging and high ponytail waving as she walked. Damn, she'd made his life better since she got there. Getting laid a few times a week? Who could or would say no to that?

 

And who would question it? He was the highest command on the ship. But she was there by merit, not by who she was sleeping with. With breakfast over, duties began. She knew she was in for another wasteful, boring day. Unless someone of interest was brought aboard, the hours were going to crawl by. She had been assigned to the medical bay (and the unit just off it where her office was) even though she had insisted when she arrived that she "wasn't that kind of doctor" but it had fallen on deaf ears.

 

She must have wiped down her desk a hundred times and it was only ten o'clock. Even with the prominent boredom, her frustration was at zero. It was the upside of getting her brains fucked out on a regular basis. The pressure just disappeared. And it didn't go unnoticed. Kylo Ren observed her from down the hall. That anger and frustration that had been thick in the air the day before had evaporated. She decided her office was not worthy of her attention anymore. There had to be something else to do so she went in pursuit of it.

 

He waited for her to leave then followed quietly. She led him to the where he had seen her the night previous. Ren slowly approached the medical bay, peering through the glass panels curiously. She was rooting through some cupboard, seemingly rearranging things and _singing_. How?! How had she shifted all that pressure in just one night?! He needed to do that. He might not break so much equipment if he could. For boots that were so heavy, they carried him into the bay in silence. Normay suspected nothing. Medical wasn't her department. It was simply near her quarters and her office but she decided she would keep it clean out of boredom. No one else seemed to do it.

 

"Ah Jaysus, how long is that there?" She spoke only to herself, removing a box of pills that had gone out of date. She tossed it over her shoulder, narrowly missing the masked man standing behind her. "Fucks sake, I should've cleaned this out ages ago... Did they even look at the dates when they put these in here? There's shit going back to the fuckin' Empire..." More pill boxes were tossed out. Splinter packets, bandages that no longer stuck and eye washes so old that they'd probably burn out an eyeball now.

 

Kylo Ren was thoroughly confused now. Where was this woman even from? Her tone had been different when she fought the General and when she cursed incessantly after it. Now that she was calm and immersed in herself, she seemed quite approachable.

 

"This is fuckin ridiculous." She muttered with a shake of her head. "They must've moved this shit directly from the fuckin' Death Star. He bitches about wasting resources, what's he gonna do when someone dies from takin' this shit? Punk ass bitch motherfucker..." That got him. He couldn't stop himself. What would have been a wheeze of laughter was distorted by the mask into a sick sounding rasp. The doctor froze. He'd heard her. Jesus Christ.

 

What did she even do now?! How did she even address him? It occurred to her that now it was literally her ponytail and her arse sticking out of the cupboard. _Do something, bitch!_ In one swift movement, she withdrew herself and stood straight facing him. It was another moment before she choked out:

 

"Master Ren? Somethin' I can uhh... do for you?" There was that fear again. She had regressed. She was also very conscious of her accent.

"There is something, yes." He replied, the mask and the voice unnerving her to the bone.

"Right, that's what I'm here for..." She made a dash for her desk for her notepad but couldn't find a pen. Typical. Maybe he wanted to talk?! "Would you uhh... like to sit down? Get comfortable?" She rifled through papers on her desk then dug through her drawer until she found one.

 

"No. Just a question." She looked up, somewhat surprised but went along with it.

"Of course. Any way I can help."

"I saw you yesterday." That was unnerving.

"I see?"

"You were frustrated and angry. And now... you're at peace. How?" Normay stared at him. _Fuck_.

"I... Master Ren, I'm afraid I can't discuss that." Sheer mortification.

"And why is that?"

"Because it's private." The masked male approached her ominously and she felt that invasion again.

"You know I can take whatever I want." Was he threatening her?

 

"Sir...?" There was a tightening sensation in her head. One that felt like an incoming migraine. Normay groaned and gripped the side of an examination table as he cut through her recent memories. He heard the panting, the moaning, the slap of skin on skin. He went deeper. He could see her on her back, hair down and ruffled, eyes closed and pale face contorted. Was she in pain? The noises she was making certainly suggested so. He realized she was naked but why? There were marks on her neck and collarbone, how did those happen? She was moving in rhythm with someone else. A man. Was he the one hurting her? That theory was thrown out the window when said man leaned down to kiss her and she reciprocated it. He looked closer. _Hux_?!

 

Normay stumbled back when he released her. She looked at him outraged but restrained herself. She knew what he was capable of.

"I needed to know." It sounded like it was said defensively.

"No, you didn't!" She barked, terribly irked by his invasion that she forgot to check herself. "I told you that was private!" He was actually engaging with her, this creature that fascinated him. He raised his hands and she stepped back instinctively, expecting him to do his Force thing but instead he reached for his helmet.

Normay watched numbly but nothing could have prepared her for what she saw.

 

"Ok..." The doctor began slowly, somewhat taken aback by the young man (not much older than her anyway) standing in the bay. "I don't know what I was expectin'... But it wasn't that..."

"What were you expecting?" He questioned her, amused by her comment and set his helmet down on the examination table.

"I don't know..." She answered honestly, taking in the shaggy dark hair, deep brown eyes, strong jaw and sallow skin. "Old? Ugly? Disfigured? Not you anyway." He wasn't sure what to make of that. She'd relaxed now, it seemed the mask had been her bone of contention.

 

"About your memory-"

"Yeah about that." She was definitely more brazen now. "We're not discussin' it."

"You're more confident with me now, aren't you?"

"You just witnessed me bangin' my boss so... yeah. Doesn't get much more close than that."

"Why though?"

"Why what?"

"Why him? Why Hux? Someone like you could have her pick." She didn't know what he was implying so she brushed it off.

"Attraction? It was good the first time so I went back for more? Good stress relief? That's what you wanted, isn't it? To know how I'm calm today? Yeah, he paid me a visit last night and checked out my arse at breakfast. Boom. There you go. Why else?"

 

"I wouldn't know. I've never indulged." The surprises just kept coming. The most powerful man on the ship had just admitted to being a virgin. How?!

"Oh... Well... You should. It's fun..."

"Is that an invitation?" The bottom dropped out of her stomach. How did she say no to Kylo Ren?! Especially since he told that he could take whatever he wanted.

"Uhh... No. I belong to the General. Or so he tells me."

 

"And how does that work? How does someone claim someone else as their own?"

"Fuck it, you're all questions." Normay moved her necklace inside her black polo neck and stretched the material so he could see the poppy bruises blossoming on the pale flesh of her neck. He leaned in, closer than she thought he would, enough for her to feel his breath tickling her. Then he brushed a gloved hand against a particularly tender one. It made her flinch and he watched the reaction with interest.

 

"Does that hurt?"

"Yeah, don't do it." Kylo Ren leaned back but the curiosity in his face certainly didn't fit in with the monstrous reputation he had around the base. She released the neck of her polo neck and fixed her chain.

 

"If it hurts, why do it?" It was difficult to explain. Especially to someone who had never experienced it.

"Well... Sometimes pain doesn't feel like pain durin'... _That_." That piqued his interest even more.

"Did you mark him in return?"

"Course I did."

"How?"

"If you ever see him without a shirt on, ask him what happened to his back. He'll tell you he got attacked by somethin'. It's not really a lie." That made him laugh. She'd managed to scar him to such a degree that he claimed he was attacked by an animal?

 

"I bet you didn't come down here with the intention of askin' these questions." Normay quirked an almost playful eyebrow at the man in black as she leaned against the examination table.

 

"I'm assuming you didn't think you would be answering them."'

"It wasn't on the to-do list for today, I'll admit." There was a comfortable silence as the two looked at each other, taking each other in. They weren't too different and their first conversation hadn't been typical of a first between a superior and an underling.

 

"I'm never busy." She told him after a moment of stillness. "If you need to talk some more about the birds and the bees or just in general, you know where I am."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Right, five minutes. Leavin' now." She cut off the intercom and got up from her desk. They wanted her to talk to a pilot taken from Jakku. If she couldn't get anything out of him, Kylo Ren would take over. So she hoped for his sake that he told her what she wanted to know.

 

"Gentlemen." She announced her arrival outside the prisoner's cell where both General Hux and a masked Kylo Ren were waiting for her. Both looked towards her and if Ren's mask was off, he would have rolled his eyes at Hux's last minute straighten to his posture for the approaching female.

 

"If you'll just give me a few minutes with him, he'll probably respond better if the two of you aren't standin' over him." They agreed and waited. As promised, a few moments later she re-emerged.

 

"You've got a flirter in there." She commented with amusement. "Knows a woman when he sees one. He won't say much." Two Stormtroopers entered the cell at Hux's nod and removed the pilot then escorted him down the hallway ahead of them.

 

"I'll see you later, beautiful!" The pilot she'd learned was named Poe called back to her with a wink, struggling against the Stormtroopers to turn back. "I'll make sure they bring me back to you, baby!"

"Poor bastard." Normay remarked with a shake of her head, the flattered blush still on her cheeks which the General tried to ignore. "His name is Poe Dameron. He's a pilot for the Resistance under General Leia Organa. Their best, apparently. He did mention the droid, but just that it could be anywhere by now." She looked to Ren and poked his arm. To the General's horror, Kylo Ren stared her down then poked her back.

 

"Go on. Interrogation time. Go easy on him. He's funny. If you need me when you're done, let me know." As if nothing had happened, Normay turned on her heel and walked back to her unit, leaving the two men alone, watching her go. The redhead was infinitely less comfortable with the situation than he let on. The immaturity of his colleagues (only with each other) had astounded him but the loyalty of his lover also concerned him now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Normay returned from lunch to the medical bay to continue cleaning. She was in no great hurry. It wasn't as if someone would be waiting for her. Whatever way the (florescent) light shone, the doctor noticed specks on the grey metal of the floor. On closer inspection, it was blood. Panic clawed at her as she broke into a run the rest of the way. When she arrived, she saw the unmasked Kylo Ren sitting waiting for her. He seemed more hypnotized by the blood dripping from his hand than he probably should have been.

 

"Ren." The panic had seeped into her voice and it stirred him from looking at his hand.

"I'm so sorry, I was at lunch..." She took his hand and looked at it. Shit, that looked nasty. Normay had no medical training as such, just basic first aid, but she had to do something. She let go and started to gather equipment but when she looked back to ask what happened, she saw him squeezing the injured hand, coiling it into a tight fist and watching the blood dribble to the floor.

 

"Ren!" She barked authoritatively, striding over and snatching his hand. "What the fuck d'you think you're doin'?! Jesus Christ! Open your hand!" He did as she asked, taking in deeper, pained breaths as she cleaned it with a foul smelling liquid.

 

"I know, it's a balls." She told him comfortingly, trying to clean it as gently as she could. "It's not that deep. It doesn't need stitches. What the fuck happened?"

"Saber sparked."

"How?"

"I was smashing up a computer." It was almost as if he was out of it from blood loss, he was quiet and withdrawn. She started to check over the cleaner wound, hoping the conversation would keep his mind off the pain.

 

"Right. And why did you smash up a computer?" He didn't answer for a moment. "Ren? Talk to me, love. Come on. Why were you smashin' a computer?"

"A Stormtrooper defected. Helped the pilot escape and stole a ship. They're probably gone looking for the droid." Fuck.

"They probably won't find it. Jakku is a big planet." Normay offered as a token of reassurance though she didn't truly believe that. She was about to bandage the wound when a sudden wave of rage came over him. He shoved her hard away from him and paced the room like a scolded, caged animal;panting and growling. Normay slowly eased herself back up and flicked that incessant strand of grey out of her eyes.

 

"Ren." She began warningly, knowing exactly what he was capable of but refusing to be intimidated by it. " _Right!_ " Using all the power in her small but strong body, Normay sideswiped him into her chair and was down upon him like a vulture on a carcass. "Look at me, Ren." She snarled at him in an attempt to overpower whatever it was that had taken him.

 

"Fuckin' look at me!" He didn't so she grabbed his face and brought her's down to it to stare him down intensely. With her grey gaze locked with his brown one, he began to soften. "I'm here. You're ok..." She breathed encouragingly, resting her forehead against his and she could slowly feel him coming back. For the sake of comfort and connection, she seated herself on his lap and cradled the side of his face with her hand.

 

"It's ok... You're alright..." They stayed like that for a while, even when he returned fully. Just listening to each other breathe.

"Why are you here?" The question was forlorn and almost sad.

"To stop you from doin' stupid shit it seems."

"No, truly. Why are you here? You're not like us. You don't care if we win or lose this. You don't care what I've done or what I'm going to do..." That part should have concerned her but it didn't. "But here you are, saving me from myself. Why?"

 

"Because you're human too? Because you deserve to be saved too? Everyone makes mistakes, Ren but no one beats themselves up over it quite like you do." _Because you're human too..._

 

"You didn't answer my question. You said before you wanted to help people but you're here, looking after me and at Hux's beck and call. You're not helping people, why are you here? Why this place for someone like you?"

 

"I was requested to be here. The General asked for me specifically."

"Is it a coincidence that you ended up sleeping with him?"

"Maybe. I think so."

"You could have left. Gone somewhere else."

"This job paid the best. I needed it." Money was never something she discussed with him. He assumed she didn't need to or had no interest in it.

 

"Money? Money's keeping you here?"

"Mostly." She'd started, she may as well finish.

"Storytime, I guess." She sighed and eased herself onto the desk in front of him. "My mother died in labour with my youngest brother. He's nearly ten now. My father was always involved in some illegal shit, he's dead too. I have three brothers, all younger and all countin' on me. They're at home on Rosunda." He didn't think he'd ever heard of it.

 

"Beautiful place but always fuckin' rains. I'm tryin' to keep them out of illegal shit but it's hard when I'm not there. I heard Brom say he was gonna become a smuggler. I nearly fuckin' choked him. That's all I need is for my brothers to be fuckin' fugitives. They don't know where I am. It would probably kill them if they did." Normay gave a small grimace of a smile then picked up his injured hand and checked it to make sure he hadn't made it during his almost fit.

 

"C'mon. I'll finish bandagin' this. I'll go as thin as I can so you can still wear your gloves. And Ren? If I see you aggravatin' the wound, I'll slit open the other fuckin' palm, got it?"

 


	2. Those Reminders Will Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Normay's friendship becomes a little bit closer and Hux can't take it anymore. He regrets it though. The Knight is starting to come out of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit darker. Little bit of a trigger in here. No smut as such but plenty of foul language, feels and sexual references! This chapter is a bit shorter than the first one. I love watching this blossom, I hope you do too.

 

 

 

>  

"Tell me."

"No."

"Come on."

"Fuck off."

"What did he say to you on the bridge?"

"Bite me, Ren."

"Was it vile?"

"Of course it was fuckin' vile! You just want every putrid detail, don't you?!" Since they met, a strange sort of friendship had blossomed. A trust, a friendly ear, a piece of advice. Whether there were undertones to that friendship or not, they didn't notice. Finalizer and Starkiller Base were so large and overwhelming that it was something of a comfort to just be themselves, openly talk and tease each other.

 

They fitted their duties around each other (he had significantly more than she did) and usually met down in her office where it was quiet and conversation could be had.

 

"He's changin' his tactics." Normay began slowly as if trying to piece things together in her head. "I dunno what the fuck's goin' on. Like, before, there was none of that. He came to my room, we had sex and he pissed off. That was it. It stayed in the room. Now he's openly flirtin' with me around the place, whisperin' filth to me while we're workin'?" She took a bite out of her sandwich and chewed it, not exactly waiting to swallow it before she spoke again.

 

"It's like he's uppin' his game or somethin'?"

"I can see why." He remarked with an eyebrow quirked at her. "You're stunning when you talk with your mouth full." She flipped him the middle finger.

"You know nothin' about my mouth bein' full, Kylo Ren."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Maybe not but that's where my mind went so….." Ren rolled his eyes. She truly was filthy. He adored her but she was filthy.

 

"Maybe... Maybe he's looking for something else?"

"Nah." Normay responded confidently, picking up her water bottle and wedging it between her (substantial) chest and her arm to unscrew it without putting down her sandwich. Ren fought to keep his concentration on her face. He may have been exceptionally well trained and disciplined but he was still a human male.

 

"He's married to his job. And even if he wasn't, he's fine for a shag but not anythin' remotely permanent!"

"I'd hate to see what you say about me when I'm not around." Ren countered playfully, taking the bottle of water from her for a drink of his own then handing it back.

"Oh it's the worst. And Hux agrees with every word. Speakin' of…." She looked at the clock with disdain. "Ah Christ. Come on, he wants us down there."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"I wish you'd leave that fuckin' helmet off until we get there." Normay looked up to the dark figure that walked close to her side. "Feels like I'm talkin' to a fuckin' robot."

"Questions will be asked if I don't wear it about daily business." The distorter answered to a roll of slate grey eyes.

"Fine!" Both dressed in black, his usual robes while she donned a pair of black skin tight trousers tucked into black knee-high heeled boots with her everyday black polo neck and silver chain – they certainly were a sight of power walking down the corridor to the bridge. Whenever she wore it, she felt like the General had been planning on their arrangement from the second he saw her. Silver ponytail swinging, she looked back up to Kylo Ren, needing to break the silence.

 

"Any idea what this is about?"

"No."

"He didn't tell you?"

"No. He's keeping more and more from me. The Supreme Leader is not happy."

"He's gettin' on my nerves, Ren."

" **DOCTOR! REN!** " The pair stopped in unison. _Fuck_. They'd been spotted. Normay felt the side glance from inside the helmet beside her before they turned. Again, in unison.

"General." Normay greeted with a light confidence. "We were just-"

"What are you doing?!" She bit the inside of her cheek. _I was just about to answer that, fuckface_.

"You wanted to see us both, correct?"

"Yes, but what are you doing **together?!"** _What the fuck?_

"We were discussin' interrogation techniques." Normay lied flawlessly, knowing Ren would be smart enough to play along if he had to.

"Meet me on the bridge." Hux growled, now even with them and elbowing between them to continue on his way. Normay stared and she knew Ren was too.

"Someone's fuckin' manstratin'."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"More and more Resistance pilots are daring closer to the base every day." Hux told her, Ren and a handful of others briskly.

"I believe they are taking stock of the weaknesses in the system and reporting back. These reconnaissance missions are to be stopped. From now on, every effort is going to be made to either shoot down these pilots or take them alive to gain an insight to the location of the Resistance base."

The General turned to the small group he'd gathered and found the doctor and Kylo Ren standing together again. He barely kept himself contained.

" **Dismissed!** "

 

 

* * *

 

 

She wasn't expecting a visit that night but she was getting one regardless. The door opened upon the push to the button on the wall and she found herself face to face with the General.

 

"General." She greeted with something less than enthusiasm as he stepped in and the door shut. "I have to say, I wasn't expectin' you this evenin'?"

"I felt the need to come by on impulse." He explained staunchly as he sauntered around her apartment, examining random objects. Almost as if he was looking for something. Or someone.

"I see... Was there a specific reason for your visit? Other than the usual...?" That question was met with a glare but she looked back at him unperturbed. The General was a military man. He didn't need _that_ to survive.

"I heard you treated Kylo Ren in the medical bay a few days ago."

"You heard right."

"What was the issue?" Normay regarded her strained lover with something akin to confusion. Nothing went on at that base without him knowing about it. Nothing.

"He had a mishap with his lightsaber. It sparked and split his hand open."

"And how did that happen?"

"He said he was in the process of destroyin' a computer."

"And why was he destroying a computer?" Normay's nostrils flared as the questioning continued. Accordingly, her answers grew more and more irritated. He knew all this already.

"The pilot escaped with the help of a Stormtrooper and stole a ship." This wasn't going to be an ordinary visit. They would have been at it by now if it was. There was trouble ahead, she could feel it.

"Are you aware, doctor, that there are security cameras in your sector and the medical bay?" It dawned on her. His behaviour earlier that day. It all made sense. He was _jealous_.

 "Quite aware, General. I spend enough time there. Why do you ask?" Her tone had changed; she became more spritely upon her realization. Purely to annoy him.

"I saw you." He closed the distance between them with a snarl crawling across his face. He towered over her, his breath racing over her skin as his anger coursed through him. "I saw what you were doing! I've seen you cozying up to each other down there! Walking through the base like lovers!" _Thank fuck there's no audio on those cameras_.

 "Nothin' untoward, General, I assure you. Merely calmin' him down so he wouldn't trash the bay." Maybe the chirpiness wasn't such a good idea anymore. Normay didn't see it coming. Before she could duck or step aside, she felt an almighty collision to the side of her face that knocked her against the table beside them.

 Normay took stock of the blood spatter on the glass top of the table and shakingly touched her lip. The back of his hand had struck her so hard and with such force that the silver button on the cuff of his leather glove had ripped open her lip. When she looked back up, he flexed his hand, the leather creaking as he did and straightened himself back to his military posture.

 "You need to remember..." He began casually, checking his hair in the mirror behind her. "Who you belong to. I thought I'd given you enough reminders." Normay did her best to stand and remain steady but the wall behind her mercifully was there for support.

" _Those reminders will fade_." The silver (and slightly blood-stained) haired female hissed weakly from against the wall. _"I don't belong to anyone."_

"Of course you do." He replied with condescension and pressed a kiss to her forehead, despite how she flinched away from him. "Goodnight, my darling."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Normay spent longer than normal in front of the mirror the next morning. She was trying to blend her make-up just right to try and hide the bruise blossoming under her right eye. There was nothing she could do about her lip. She slinked into the dining hall, hoping to be unnoticed but she felt his eyes so simply grabbed a cup of tea and some fruit for her breakfast to eat at her desk.

The orange had stung her lip and the apple was too much chewing for her sore jaw so most of it lay abandoned. For once, she was thankful for paperwork. Incident reports and the like for Kylo Ren's hand. Speak of the devil. She felt his presence, she was aware he was coming, she could hear him but she wouldn't look up.

"How's your hand?" It was quiet and she hoped he would have somewhere to be or Stormtroopers to terrorize. That didn't seem to be the case.

"Fine." He answered lazily, as if he'd merely slept on it wrong before removing his helmet and making himself comfortable. _Shit._ He sat on the empty chair across from her and watched as she forced her concentration on the form in front of her. Something was definitely wrong. She normally greeted him with a sarcastic comment or a funny quip or gossip. Not today. "You didn't eat your breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"May." He called her and she froze. Only her brothers and now Kylo Ren called her May. "May. Look at me."

"I'm busy, Ren."

"It will take a second. Look at me." She'd been caught. With a quiet, defeated sigh, Normay looked up and watched his concerned expression turn to thunder. " _ **What. Happened?!**_ "

"I was careless, I'm fine." He leaned over the desk and carefully brushed away some of the make-up under her right eye where it was starting to go from blue to purple. He was as gentle as he could be as he held her face but the wincing when he grazed her jaw was too much.

"May, don't make me go into your head. Did he do this?!" Her lack of an answer was as incriminating as if she had spilled it there and then. Without another word, his helmet was pushed back on and he stormed out of the office.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The General moved from monitor to monitor, checking progress reports with his hands clasped tightly behind his back as he breezed from screen to screen. He didn't seem too guilty or put out about the events of the night previous. In fact, seeing her in the dining hall had made him feel somewhat powerful. That foul mouthed urchin was beginning to learn her place. The pounding of boots approaching the bridge made the General look up.

 

"Ah. Ren. We need to-" He was cut off by the choking sensation he had heard of but never experienced. Until now. Kylo Ren held his hand out and continued to put pressure on the General's windpipe from several meters away. The pair attracted significant attention from the control room staff in the form of stares and gasps. If the situation hadn't been so dire, Hux would have been humiliated and outraged.

 

As his masked colleague approached him, the General's vision was drawn to the beige smudge on Ren's outstretched hand. Make-up. Soon, the two men were even, mask to face. Hux fought to speak but the crushing sensation on his throat was too severe. Kylo Ren spoke instead; the mask making his already menacing tone even more sinister. The redhead's vision slowly began to darken as his windpipe came closer and closer to being crushed.

 

" _ **If you ever even look at her again; I will kill you with my bare hands in front of your staff. Am I clear, General?** "_ He didn't get a response. He simply dropped his hand and walked away, leaving the General reeling and clutching his throat as his breathing returned to normal.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo Ren returned to the loosely termed 'interrogation sector' where Normay still sat though her head was in her arms and resting on the table. His helmet was removed and set down before he approached her carefully. Ren leaned down and covered her body with his from behind, nuzzling gently into the ponytail and rubbing her arm.

"May?"

_"Mmmm?"_

"Come on. Up."

_"Where're we goin'?"_

"You're going for a rest. Come on." He walked her through the hallway, arm around her waist and holding one of her hands. He almost hoped the General would see. He laid Normay down on her bed and watched her settle into her pillow, already mostly asleep. Looking down on her, the temptation was too strong. Those heavy black boots were kicked off before he sat on the edge of the bed and swung his legs up. The significantly smaller female was gathered up into his arms and held securely, protectively. She was strong but she'd been rattled and he was going to stay here for a little while until she was strong again.

 


	3. When It All Crumbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Normay collaborate to deal with the fallout of the General's indiscretion. Another pilot is brought on board and Starkiller is destroyed.

Kylo Ren was roused two hours later with a knock on the door. He checked on Normay, she was still asleep. Hesitantly, he untangled himself from her and picked up his helmet. The door of the apartment slid open and the Lieutenant (the one who had informed him of the droid stealing the freighter) looked to the person on the other side. Expecting the kind, silver haired doctor, he was faced with the mask of Kylo Ren instead.

"S…Sir?!" The officer stammered, clearly caught off guard. "The G…General asked me to fetch Doctor Vance…. A…Another pilot has been apprehended…."

"I'll attend to it. Take me to him." Ren brushed past him and let the officer lead the way. The General was waiting at the cell when he arrived which initially led Ren to believe there was no other pilot and this was merely an ambush for Normay.

"Where is she?!" Hux spat as the masked Kylo Ren strode towards him.

"None of your concern." Ren replied coolly. "I warned you what would happen if you laid eyes on her again, didn't I?"

"She was mine first, Ren!"

"She's not yours. And what makes you think I took her?" The Lieutenant looked between his two superiors nervously. This didn't sound like a conversation he should be listening to. Hux realized this.

"Dismissed, Mitaka!" Thankful and relieved, Mitaka scarpered away. The General stared Ren down with disgust for a moment before the matter at hand took precedent.

"This pilot was shot down just after he took off on one of the northern quadrants. We were amazed he was still alive. He's….. Feisty."

 The cell opened and a dark figure entered. The pilot watched from the corner, the blood from the mild wound at the side of his head having dried significantly. Poe had told him about this one. He'd spoken in hushed tones with General Organa about him.

 "So you're Kylo Ren." The pilot growled with derision from the corner. Ren approached him and crouched down so they were face to face. Well, behind the helmet.

"And you are?" There was something of a satisfied chuckle from the injured pilot even though he was positively terrified and Ren could feel it.

"Doesn't matter who I am." The pilot replied, smiling so Ren could see the blood on his teeth. "You won't get anything out of me." Upon closer inspection, he was quite young, maybe twenty two or twenty three, pale with icy blue eyes and dark hair.

"Funny. The other pilot said the same." He was referring to Poe. "And I cracked him like an egg."

"Kill me if you want." The pilot hissed back. He was brave, Ren would give him that. "You're gonna do it anyway. But I'm telling you sweet fuck all."

"We'll see." Ren's hand rose to the pilot's head and started to comb through memories. He saw a base, ships, droids, people. That was all. No clue to a location. It seemed he'd had a certain amount of mind protective training. Enough to block him at least. He needed Normay. He turned on his heel and exited the cell.

"Well?!" Hux barked impatiently as soon as he saw his colleague.

"No one is to go in there until I return." Ren instructed with force as he started down the corridor. "He's useful."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Normay was awake but confused when Kylo Ren overrode the code system to her door and reappeared in her bedroom with his helmet under his arm.

"What happened?" She asked pointedly but not accusingly. "How'd I get back here?"

"You were exhausted. You'd fallen asleep at your desk so I brought you back up here."

"Did you stay?" He couldn't really lie. His indent was on the other side of the bed.

"I did. I fell asleep too."

"Oh... Right. Ok." He wasn't sure what he had expected from that exchange. He probably should have left her in peace but the thought of her being alone when she was still so delicate was unbearable. She didn't seem put out or angry about the situation so he wouldn't press it.

 "I need you to fix your hair and your make-up." She gave him a look to make him double back. "No, no, no. Just..." He tapped under his own right eye to mirror where her bruise was worsening. "I'll wait outside if you want. We have another pilot to interrogate..."

"No. Hair and make-up doesn't involve gettin' naked." He watched as her hair came down and nearly choked on the awe of the silver curtain that he'd never seen before.

"What?" She asked with something of a sweet shyness as she picked up her brush from the bedside table. "It's just hair..."

"I've just never seen it down."

"Yeah, you fuckin' have." She replied with a knowing smirk, having moved to the mirror and was now watching him in it, the shyness had been dropped in record time. He shifted somewhat uncomfortably. She was referring to the day they'd met when he'd looked into her mind, when he found out about Hux.

 "Well, your hair could have been on fire and I wouldn't have noticed. I was looking at your face."

" ** _Suuuuuuuure!"_** She cackled, her amusement being fuelled by his attempt to keep his expression neutral as she gathered her hair back into a ponytail and secured it with the hair tie around her wrist. "Is Hux around?" Normay asked somewhat absentmindedly as she spread a small amount of foundation on her hand and picked up her make-brush.

"He is." The brush was placed back down.

"No."

"May…."

"I'm not goin' out if that absolute ragin' CUNT NUGGET is around!" Ren blinked. That was a new one.

"So you're going to stay locked in here? He knows where you are."

"Who fuckin' told him?!"

"May, seriously, you live here. This is where you…." He looked at the bed. He hadn't thought about that when he fell asleep there. Eww.

"Ah Jesus Christ." She growled with impatience and snatched her brush back up. "Gimme five minutes, I'm gonna kill this."

"Kill…. Kill what?"

"My fuckin' make-up. That bitch is gonna be fuckin' sorry. Hand me that fuckin' palette."

 

 

* * *

 

 

She wasn't wrong. Little more than ten minutes later and she strode the corridor with Kylo Ren close at her side.

"I still don't know how that's you under there." He murmured and it was nearly lost under the mask but she caught it nonetheless.

"Says the one in the helmet. But believe me, babe. It's me." Normay answered with purpose, her walk dominant. It's worth mentioning that Hux wasn't getting away with what he'd done. Neither Normay nor Ren would allow it. And while they couldn't physically make him pay, they'd do what they were good at: Mental manipulation. Mind games. Trickery.

 Normay was stunning. Never quite like anyone on board had seen her. But this was about making a point. For the first time out of the comfort of her quarters, her hair was down. The kinks bounced as she walked, voluminous and silky. She'd stepped up her make-up game nor was there any sign of a cut lip or a bruised eye. She'd added a black belt to her uniform and these boots were higher than the ones she usually wore. She looked killer and was out for blood, positively predatory.

 "Last time I saw him he was outside the cell, around the corner." Ren said quietly, looking sideways at her for the umpteenth time.

"Right, want to piss him off further?"

"Of course."

"Put your hand on the small of my back."

"What?"

"It's subtle enough but he'll notice, just do it." He did as he was told. They rounded the corner and both of them felt the savage satisfaction of watching the General's face fall with indignation and insult.

 " _General_." She snarled scathingly at her superior but didn't receive an answer. She'd called it correctly. He'd noticed Ren's gloved hand just above her backside. Ren slowly and hesitantly pulled his hand away from her body when they arrived outside the cell ("Nice touch." She'd commend him for it later).

 "Can you get me a bottle of water, please?" She asked one of the Stormtroopers coolly with a perfectly shaped eyebrow arched. The Trooper looked to the General who gave something of a grudging nod and took that as his (or her?) cue to obey the order. No one spoke until the Stormtrooper came back. Of course, the General's eyes wandered but Ren remained close, ready to jump in as soon as he was needed. She took the bottle of water with a word of thanks then entered the cell alone.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Normay stepped into the cell. The mangled pilot in the corner barely looked up. She couldn't tell if he was being stubborn or was genuinely injured. The heels echoed in the empty metal room and gave the pilot an indication that his visitor was female. The perfume was also a giveaway. She knelt in front of him and produced a clean rag before holding it to the spout of the open bottle of water. Gently, she cleaned away the blood, the soot and the grime that he'd no doubt amassed when his vessel was shot down. The cold shock to his face forced his eyes open and he was faced with someone far more pleasant to look at than Kylo Ren.

 

"You alright?" She asked softly, taking in the injuries, they didn't seem to be too serious but she knew Hux wouldn't let her treat them even if they were.

"Yeah…." He gasped, taking the bottle of water she held out for him and watched him gulp it back as if he had never had water before and was never going to have it again.

"You're Resistance?"

"Yeah…."

"You goin' to talk to me?" He regarded her with suspicion. She didn't look like First Order. Then again, what did First Order look like?

"Who're you?"

"My name is Normay Vance. I'm a psychologist. And you are?"

"Temmin. Temmin Wexley."

"Nice to meet you, Temmin."

"Poe told me about you." A small tinkle of laughter left the female that could no doubt be heard outside. It seemed the previous pilot was in love. "He said you were pretty, but you're somethin' else. He said you were the nice one."

"That's very kind of him. And what do you think? You've met Kylo Ren?"

"Yeah, not as polite." Normay rolled her eyes with a smile. It was better to show empathy. Appear as a friend.

"I'll tell him he needs to work on his tactics. So, Temmin. You're takin' stock of the weaknesses in the system, correct?" His silence was enough. "I'm gonna take that as a yes. We're assumin' that most of the intel you can send is gone? Any recordin' would have been destroyed with your ship?" More silence but his face was enough to tell her what she wanted to know.

"Unless you can recall all that from memory, you don't pose a threat to us, do you?"

"….No."

"Good. There's no point in me askin' where your base is because I know you won't tell me and I respect that. Right, I think we're done here."

"You gonna kill me?"

"I don't think so. Not me anyway."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Well?!" Hux inquired sharply, the second she stepped out of the cell. Normay restrained that look of utter disdain and the rising urge to punch her superior.

"He won't tell me where the base is but-" The General's eyes rolled and the urge rose higher with them. "Any data he collected was destroyed with the ship." She looked to Kylo Ren. "The only record he'll have of what he's seen is in his own memory. Wipe it and send him back, it's our best bet-"

" **Send him back?!"** General Hux repeated incredulously with a twist of rage. " **Are you out of your mind, woman?!"** Ren watched her, she was fighting with herself. He knew her well enough by now. "Get in there and kill him!" Hux barked at the Stormtroopers who were about to comply before Normay spoke again.

"If you'd let me finish, _General_." She narrowed her eyes at him with disgust before continuing, spewing his title as if it were poison on her tongue. "If Ren removes everythin' he's seen, he's of no use to the Resistance. He has no data. Send him back on a ship and track it. You'll have the base location." Without waiting for the order, Ren re-entered the cell and did just that. It was seemingly a win-win situation.

 

* * *

 

 

 "Organize a ship to take him back, rig it up with as much tracking as possible but be subtle about it." Kylo Ren growled at the General when he left the cell and replaced his hand on Normay's back to guide her back along the corridor. Needless to say, Hux was fuming with both parts of Ren's actions: The order and touching Normay. They waited until they were safely away before conversing.

"Where are we goin'?"

"I'm taking you back to your quarters. There's something I need to do."

"Riiiiiiight?"

"I have to go to Takodana. The droid is there, according to a transmission anyway."

"At Maz's? Fuck knows what you'd find there. Fine, let me know when you're back."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Ok, back up. Where is she?" Ren sat on Normay's bed with his face in his hands while his companion stood over him with her arms crossed in concern.

"Interrogation room B." He answered, strained from his 'chat' with the scavenger girl. "She's strong with the Force. She doesn't know it but she is. She's seen the map but she resisted me. Snoke is furious and Hux is like all his birthdays have come at once." Ren removed his face from his hands and looked up at his friend. "What do I do?"

"First things first, unstrap her from the fuckin' chair. I thought we'd been through it that chicks don't like that."

"But you did it with-"

"Oi!" Normay snipped, pointing down at Ren with pursed lips. "That was for mutual fuckin' kicks, it was a bad fuckin' decision and we swore we'd never fuckin' speak about it again!"

"You're right, we did." Ren conceded, his eyes drawn to his helmet on the dresser. He'd revealed himself to her. She knew his face.

"Take her to Snoke." Normay sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. She didn't know what else to tell him. "He'll know what to do. I think I'm gonna stay here for a while. Have a lie down. I'm not feelin' great."

"Are you alright?"

"Oh I'm fine. It's just been a shitty twenty four hours, that's all. If you want me to have a crack off her, come get me or send someone for me." Ren agreed, placing a small kiss to the female's head before collecting his helmet and leaving the apartment.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It didn't come to that. The Republic was gone. The scavenger escaped with the defective Stormtrooper and a Wookie. And Ren killed his father. She slept through most of it. When the base began to crumble, she woke agonizingly as someone in black barged in her front door. Dragging herself off the bed, she went to the entrance to the bedroom and leaned against the doorframe.

 

"Ren?" After that, there was only black.


	4. What Have You Done?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren discloses to Normay what he's done. Her reaction isn't what he expects.

Kylo Ren had lain in the snow for some time. He ached all over, frost bite threatened to eat away at him each second if he was not moved soon. Barely alive, he felt himself being picked up and placed into the warmth of a ship. He felt the bed underneath him, he heard the roar of the engines and then he realized he was safe. Safe and all as he was, his body temperature was dangerously low, on the cusp of hypothermia and his injuries made survival look doubtful. Consciousness was not a priority. He did, however, get snippets of sound in between his blackouts. Two voices he knew only too well. One cruel and distinguished. The other rough but passionate.

_"Remember, doctor. He dies so do you."_

_"Well then maybe you should have abducted an actual fuckin' medic, you fuckin' idiot!"_ As the days (?) progressed, Ren's consciousness was still fitful but he appeared to be stabilizing with the care he received from beyond the dark of his eyelids. She may not have been a medic but she did what she could out of love. General Hux often arrived while she sat at Ren's bedside like any loyal friend would. She had no defense other than her own venom which was usually enough to get left alone. He was up to something. She knew it. His snide, snarky comments would ring in her mind though. What if Ren didn't wake up? When his consciousness did return to him, however briefly, he always fought to open his eyes, to speak or even just to see her but none of his efforts prevailed. He'd hear things when he was semi awake, usually Normay.

 _"Come on, Ren. For the love of fuck, wake up."_ More often than not, she was beside him. " _He's drivin' me mental, I need you."_ He knew who she was talking about. When Ren finally did wake, he was set upon with the tightest hug he had probably ever received. If he hadn't been so sore, he would have returned it gladly.

" **Ow! May, off! Off! Oww! OWW!** "

"Sorry!" She whimpered, drawing back but leaning forward again after a few seconds, just to be close to him.

"Jesus Christ, you scared me." The scar on his face didn't seem so prominent when his face was motionless but now that he was awake and speaking, it creased into his face in a way that he could probably feel. "I've missed you so much." She told him quietly; silently grateful that he'd woken. For a while it looked like he wouldn't. "You should rest. If he hears us, he'll come in. I've only just gotten fuckin' rid of him." Ren lay back in the bed and gazed up at her. She did the same back down to him, adjusting her hand on the bed to cover his and give it a light squeeze. "How did you come to be in such a dreadful condition?" She asked him forlornly after a while, unable to hold her question any longer. "What happened out there?" He didn't answer. The look on his face told her that his pride and his soul had been injured along with his body. Ren moved his hand under her's. She was about to pull it away, sensing unease but he enveloped it in his instead.

 

"I did something terrible." He answered meekly, shame pouring from his words and diverting his gaze from the silver haired female. He simply looked down at her hand in his and gently stroked her paler skin with his thumb, almost as if to distract himself.

 "Ren?" She questioned softly, pulling herself even closer. "Whatever it is, we can fix it-"

"We can't. It's too late. And it didn't even work. I feel no different…. Actually I do. The pull to the light is stronger...." Normay truly began to worry when Kylo Ren's voice started to crack and he still refused to look at her. " I…..I can't face Snoke…."

 "Course you can…." She whispered encouragingly with a small smile, obviously not realizing how deep this went. "You'll be fine." Ren couldn't take anymore. They were probably on course to Snoke now. He struggled up, dropped her hand, growling as he forced his body into a sitting position, injuries be damned. She knew this behaviour. Things were about to get nasty. "Ren." It was like a plea. He wasn't listening. He had hauled himself up, ignoring the stitches in his side that threatened to burst and the bandages on his bare abdomen that had been prematurely disturbed by the sudden movement. She watched despairingly as he prowled the small medical quarter as though looking for prey. Now would not be a good time for Hux to enter the room so she kind of half hope he would. It was not to be. "Ren, whatever it is…. It can't be that bad….."

 

" **YOU DON'T KNOW!"** He rounded on her, his chest heaving from both pain and rage. He stared her down; eyes alight with something she'd never seen in him. She'd talked him down before but this was something else. " **YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO!"** Kylo Ren allowed himself to fall against the wall behind him, dark shaggy strands falling down into his face to mask the torment. She waited. There was no point in approaching him until she was sure it was safe. This seemed like the kind of incident he'd have to ride out on his own. She sat and watched as he slowly began to subside, stretching one arm across his chest almost like a calming self-embrace. "I…. I killed my father." Normay's breath caught in her throat. Had he really just said that? She couldn't see his face but his posture, just slumped helplessly against the wall, screamed regret and anguish. Just then, she didn't care if it was safe or not. Normay's heeled boots carried her across the room, clicking as she went and dragged him into her arms. What could she say? There was nothing she could possibly say to make this any better. There must have been a reason; an altercation of some sort. Maybe it was an accident. Ren wrapped his arms around the doctor and cuddled her close in a way he'd never really done before, despite the pain that having her pressed up against his wounds caused. He buried his scarred face in her hair and with heavy breaths; the once cruel and vicious Kylo Ren began to sob.

 

"Ssshhh….." Normay whispered as comfortingly as she could; like she used to when her youngest brother had a nightmare. Ever so gently, she eased them both down onto the floor and just continued to hold him and stroke his hair. "Ren…." She began delicately after a few moments of silence with the intention of putting him back in the bed to prevent him getting a chill.

"Don't call me that." His voice was strained from his outburst but strong with determination.

"I…..What….?"

"Ren…. Kylo Ren…. It's not my real name." The female leaned back so that he had no choice but to remove himself from her hair and look at her. Normay stared him down with confusion, her expression alone demanding an explanation. He realized that while they were close, very close, even in such a short space of time, she knew virtually nothing about him. About his past or his family. "Ren…. Kylo Ren…. It's not my real name." He repeated solemnly, guilt creeping into his tone. She felt him about to get worked up again and so placed a hand on the side of his face. It worked. "I'm so sorry…." He uttered, placing his forehead against hers, lining their noses together, both their eyes closing at the closeness.

 

"You gonna tell me your name?" The male hesitated. This was about more than just his name. It would mean leaving behind his progress towards the Dark Side and killing his father would have been in vain. To renounce Kylo Ren was to renounce the Dark. It would mean returning to the life he had known as a child, returning to his mother.

 "Ben." He answered suddenly. "Ben Solo." He didn't expect her to stiffen in his arms. Nor did he expect when he opened his eyes to be met with a wounded, betrayed gaze. Normay tore herself from Ben's (?) grasp though he couldn't understand why. The doctor paced the room as though processing this new information. He'd lied to her about his name. Surely that didn't change anything? "This…. This doesn't change anything, May."

"Yes, it does!" She turned on him suddenly and it killed him to see tears in her eyes. " _You killed Han!_ "


	5. The Enlightenment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben does a little bit of prying and finds it explains a lot.

" **Get the FUCK away from me!"** She snapped when he dragged himself up off the floor and tried to go to her. She had never looked at him the way she looked at him now. It was mostly confusion that hindered him. Han Solo was infamous, he knew that. But not in such a way that someone who had never met him would cry to learn that he was gone. This connection was personal but he didn't know how.

"May…."

" **DON'T FUCKIN' CALL ME THAT!"** She wouldn't let him near her. She evaded his grasp once again; it wasn't difficult with the extent of his injuries. The female fought her way to the door. Where she came from, she could open a door and slam it but here, it was less satisfactory when she had to push a button and wait for the door to open. Not that her mind was on satisfaction. _"Stay away from me."_

 

* * *

 

 

Ben waited. Hours drifted by as his thoughts tormented him. How? His body ached from the unnecessary movement but he used it to focus his mind. He knew exactly where she was. She was in her room down the hall. He could feel her. She had always been an emotional person so he could always tell when she was near. That night, she bubbled with fury and heartbreak. It was his fault. He couldn't take it anymore. He tuned into her again. Her waves had calmed significantly; she was asleep. Ben pulled himself up and staggered to the door. The hall outside was dark but he managed to navigate it without too much incident. He found her. Leaning against the wall outside her room, he hesitated then pushed the button. Again, he was met with darkness. How he didn't wake her by bumping into everything, he didn't know but he wasn't about to argue it. He followed the soft breathing and ever so gently perched himself at the side of the bed. He wouldn't dream of doing this if she was awake. He placed his hand on the side of her head and started to root.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_With one hand on her shoulder to restrain her, Normay waited as she watched the familiar ship touch down on the lush green of Rosunda. Her excitement mounted as the ramp dropped and two familiar life forms started to descend._

 " _Right, off you go." Her father told her and let go of her shoulder._

_"HAN!" She called in excitement as she charged at the human half of the pair._

_"HEY!" He bent down to catch her when she jumped, which she would, his enthusiasm matching her own. Han caught the tiny little girl and hauled her up into his arms with a twirl. "Look at you!" He exclaimed playfully. "You haven't grown an inch!"_

 " _Yes, I have!" The child protested haughtily which made Han laugh. He knew already she'd be a no-shit-taker. "Hi Chewie." The silver haired little girl greeted the fur ball sweetly as she leaned back with the support of Han's arms to softly stroke his hand. Chewie gave a soft sort of gurgle and covered the girl's head affectionately with said hand. "Oh…."_ _She uttered under the weight of the Wookie's hand, leaving her hair tousled when he took his hand away._ _Han watched her as she interacted with Chewie. The last time he'd seen that child, she was on her deathbed. He'd hesitated and hesitated about leaving, in case the worst happened but eventually he had to return home to his own family. But now look at her! There was still a gauntness to the little girl, her hair and her eyes had turned silver but other than that, she was almost back to her old self._

 " _ **COME ON, SOLO! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!"** Her father yelled from the house though it was done so in a joking fashion, his accent was similar to Normay's but much stronger. _

_"Your dad has no patience." Han murmured to her, hoisting her up even more securely in his arms before starting towards Normay's modest family home._

 

 

_"And what're we gonna do if we get boarded?" Han asked, looking over a shipping request then back to Terrin Vance – a friend and ally in the system, most specifically the planet of Rosunda._

_"_ _Talk our way outta it." Terrin shrugged. "Tell them it's not ours? Tell them we're bein' tracked by another ship that owns the cargo? It's worked before."_

_"Wait…." Han rewound the conversation in his mind. "Talk OUR way out of it? Tell them it's not OURS? WE'RE being tracked by another ship?" Solo smirked at his old friend. "You back in, Terry?" Terrin looked over at his daughter resting on the sofa then back to Han._

 " _Normay's gettin' better. I didn't wanna leave while she was sick. I don't feel so bad about goin' now." Han Solo too looked at the dozing child._

 _"How'd she come round, Terry?" His voice dropped._ _"_ _She was almost dead when I saw her last." Terry wasn't sure how his daughter had survived._

_"I dunno, Han. She just woke up one day, started talkin', slowly gettin' up and movin' round…. It would'a killed Keeva if somethin' had happened to her. Me too…." The worst of it was behind them but it didn't take away what Terry and his wife Keeva had gone through. Sleepless nights, feral arguments and treatments that had been agonizing for their so far only child._

  _"The healer said she's always gonna get tired easily, she'll feel sick out of nowhere and o' course, there's the hair and the eyes…." Terry ran a hand through his thinning hair. "Even into adulthood."_

 " _How old is she now?"_

_"She's four."_

_"Little bit younger than Ben. He's five and a half."_

_"Yeah, you keep sayin' you'll being Ben down to meet her."_

_"Leia's crazy protective. She barely lets him on the Falcon when it's docked, let alone when it's moving. Ben would love her though." He rolled his eyes then leaned back in his chair to get a better look at Normay. Ben would love her._

 " _She's like Leia. He'd need someone to keep him in his place."_

_"Let's not discuss arranged marriages just yet, Han." Terry replied with an eyebrow arched in jest. "Let them meet first."_

 

* * *

 

 

_"I wish you'd just talk to me!"_

_"Nothin' to talk about."_

_"Han!" The older male stopped at the female's commanding bark. He'd called it when she was four years old. Definitely a no-shit-taker. Older now, in her twenties and much healthier with her youngest brother clinging to her legs, she was still adorable but formidable._

 " _I just came to check on you." He huffed, it was natural for him to be concerned, natural for him to want to check in when they'd lost their parents within months of each other._

_"Just make sure you were alright."_

_"_ _We're coping." Normay answered coarsely, not appreciating his evasion. She didn't know where Brom was. Off out somewhere, doing something illegal no doubt. He paid too much attention to his father. "But you're not! Talk to me, Han! For fucks sake!"_ _Han was tempted to spill everything to her, to let loose about Ben, to tell her everything. He could have warned her but he restrained himself and walked back to the Falcon with Chewie at his side. "Han!"_

_"I'll see you soon, kid."_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben jerked back, wide-eyed. How she was still asleep, he didn't know. He stared at her. He understood why she was angry, why she was upset. He saw it in the way his father had looked at her. Protective. Guarding. Much the way he was with her. If she had been there on the bridge. She could have stopped him. She could have prevented him making a huge mistake.

 

If she'd been there, he'd still have her; he'd still have his father. He probably wouldn't be on this forsaken ship, heading to Snoke. He'd be back in his mother's arms. But this was his fault. Did he leave? Did he stay and try and explain when she woke? He decided to crouch in the corner, resting his bare back against the cold metal wall to ease the twinge in it.

 

It seemed he was destined to meet her, whether it was when they were children as a result of their fathers being friends or aboard the Finalizer and Starkiller Base where she was (unfortunately) his General's plaything. But that one phrase rang in his head. It made him think his father did actually know him. _Ben would love her though._


	6. I Need Your Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She might hit him. She might kill him. But he needs her help and whether she'll admit it or not, she needs his.

Ben's sleep (if it could even be called that) was fitful and broken. He woke cold and stiff. His legs had given out and he found himself with his face against the icy metal with his legs splayed out behind him. His first thought was the bed and when he looked to it, it was empty. She'd either ignored him or didn't see him when she woke up. He tried to pull himself up against the wall and barely succeeded. With a loud, echoing roar of effort and agony, he rested against it for a moment to regain himself before slowly hobbling towards the door of Normay's room. Every movement tore at him; like every nerve was alight. As if every step and stretch of a muscle was supposed to nearly reduce him to tears. He did his best to ignore it but the pain was overwhelming. He had to find her. He had to explain and he had try and get her to help him. He could feel her, pulsing somewhere nearby. It was not a fiery pulse or a passionate one. It was sad. Defeated. He powered through it, determination winning out through the battle with the utter torture that seemed to engulf his entire being. He had to find her. Ben fought his way out into the hallway. The chill of the morning didn't help the ache that had firmly installed itself during the night with his dreadful sleeping position and lack of prescribed pain relief.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_"Leave me alone."_

 "Talk to me, Normay." The General had approached the back of her seat in the confined control room and stood over her shoulder, stroking a large gloved hand through her silver ponytail possessively.

 _"I said leave me alone."_ It was quiet and defeated, still unable to process that she was back in his clutches.

"He's awake, isn't he?" He was as tight as usual, disciplined, cold but smug. He'd heard the shouting from Kylo Ren's room the night before, it seemed their relationship had fractured and she was currently unprotected. He would take full advantage of it. Normay didn't answer, merely stared ahead at the seemingly endless mass of black and diamond like stars outside the front of the ship, despondent. Her silence was enough. "We'll set a course for the Supreme Leader. Ren needs to complete his training." Again, she said nothing. The revelations still traumatized her. If Hux had his way, she'd never see Ren again. With the way she felt now, she'd have been happy with that arrangement. The General bent down and pressed a slow, lasting kiss against her cheek with freezing lips. "When he's gone, I'll take care of you." Because that wasn't the creepiest thing that had ever been said to her. Normay pried herself out of the chair, pushing his hand away from her and took off for her room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben heard something up ahead. Footsteps. He slipped into a sub corridor and listened, the pulse kicked in. Normay.

 "Ginger prick!" Definitely Normay.

"Bet he bleaches his arsehole!" Couldn't be anyone but Normay.

"Smarmy bastard, touchin' my fuckin' hair!" Ben waited and waited until the footsteps were parallel with him. He didn't know how he managed to summon the strength to do it but out of nowhere, the adrenaline hit him. Swinging out of the sub corridor, he grabbed the silver haired female by the waist with his other hand over her mouth, pulling her into his dimly lit hiding place. A brief scream of surprise erupted from behind his hand as he dragged her until she realized what had happened. Not surprised anymore but furious. "What did I fuckin' tell you?!" She barked, slapping his hand away from her face and not bothering to keep her voice down. "I told you to stay the fuck away from me!"

"May, listen to me-"

"I also fuckin' told you not to fuckin' call me that!"

"Normay. Doctor. Doctor Vance. Miss Vance. Oh beautiful silver haired one. Please, I need you to listen to me." Normay's lips pursed. Smooth bastard. Always had been. No wonder her interest in the General started to waver when she got to know…. Ben?

"Why should I listen to you?!" He was the lesser of two evils; he just needed to make her realize it.

"I need your help and you need mine." Normay's nostrils flared in indignation. She needed his help? The one that could barely walk? Please.

"You know what? Get fucked. I don't need you." Ben watched her, the heartbreak from the night before was obviously still fresh. The blame had been appointed and he would be shouldering it.

"I really didn't want to do this but you're really not giving me any choice."

"What the fu-?" Before she could even get the profanity out, Ben waved a marked hand in front of her face and did his best to catch her when she dropped. It didn't really work. Normay's hair grazed the ground, her hands swung limply and her legs seemed to dance numbly as Ben toiled to control the female's unconscious form; staggering under her (minuscule) weight but the extent of his injuries made what should have been an easy task into something far more complicated than it needed to be. Ben literally resorted to dragging his friend down the corridor by her legs. He needed to get her out of sight before Hux came looking for her and there didn't seem to be a quicker way. The dark haired male struggled with his unresponsive companion and laboured to get her back to his room and onto his bed. A wet cloth was gently applied to Normay's face to bring her round but he was wary of keeping his distance for when she did. He was right to do so.

 

"May?" His voice was riddled with concern. Her eyes started to twitch. "May? You awake?" A small groan. "I was-"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?!" He didn't think anyone in the history of any planet had come around from unconsciousness so quickly. She was awake and seemingly unharmed. Ben threw his chair back from the bed just in time as she sat up, livid. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO NOT USING ANY OF YOUR FORCE SHIT ON ME?!"

"You wouldn't listen…."

"AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M GONNA START NOW? THE FUCK, REN?!"

"Ben."

"WHATEVER YOUR FUCKIN' NAME IS!"

"Do you want him to hear us? Because if you keep screaming, he's going to come running. I can't stop him groping you like this." That shut her up.

"What the fuck do you want?!"

"I told you. I want to help you and I want you to help me." Normay watched the person she would have once trusted with her life with suspicion now. The murderer and war criminal Kylo Ren had her complete trust. Ben Solo though...

"Help you how?"

"I need you to distract Hux."

"NOPE!" She went to get off the bed but he, with some unknown strength and nerve, pushed her back down.

"Hear me out. Just distract him. You don't have to touch him or let him touch you. Just get him where I can knock him out." The silver haired one narrowed her eyes; the next question was a test.

"Blunt trauma or force?" Ben understood the question and knew what she wanted to hear.

"Blunt trauma."

"I'm listening." Finally, they were getting somewhere.

"Knock him out. Lock him somewhere. Change the coordinates and I'll take you wherever you want to go. You'll never see me again."

"Deal." The answer was quicker than Ben had hoped. He thought the last part would give her reason to pause and reflect but it seemed her mind was made up. "Let's fuckin' do this."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"General?" It was sweet and shy and Hux knew it all too well. They'd played this game before. Stage one was in motion: Distract Hux. She'd distract him alright. In a way she knew his attention wouldn't be drawn away too easily. Hux found her with her back against one of the cold walls of the corridor beside the store room. He wasted no time in closing the distance. "I thought about what you said earlier." His body pressed up against hers and his lips went to her neck. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. He certainly wasn't wasting time. Normay pretended to pant as he probably expected, her eyes closed halfway but she could see her accomplice over the General's shoulder. "And… And I just wanted reassurance….."

  _"You can have anything you want..._ " He replied in an aroused growl, hands starting to wonder.

"I'm so glad you understand." Confusion tainted Hux's lust just for a second until an almighty **CLANG** rang through the corridor and the General crumpled into a heap at her feet. "A little closer next time, will ya? I almost didn't feel the crowbar on my fuckin' face." She grumbled with disgust, straightening her blouse from where Hux had tried to push it up.

"I could have waited a little longer if you wanted." Ben replied with disdain, swinging the crowbar. "You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

"Fuck off. You wouldn't have been able to contain yourself and you fuckin' know it." She wasn't wrong.

"Shut up and help me move him." With a roll of her eyes, the female complied but there were other things going on in her head. This is almost over. But something else. Since he ousted himself as Ben Solo, he was more at ease. Even his speech was more….. Normal? As Kylo Ren, he never would have told her to shut up.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The pair sat into the pilot and co-pilot seats in silence. She'd told him to take her home to Rosunda and he'd agreed. He debated with himself to try and reason with her but she'd made herself clear; she didn't want anything to do with him. And who could blame her? Why would she want to be around the man that killed her friend. Ben changed the coordinates in the computer and instantly felt lighter. He was turning his back on Snoke, on the General and on the First Order. He just had to deliver Normay first. That would be the hard part. The incessant glances sideways at his adored companion seemed to go unnoticed; she was far too busy watching the stars and thinking about going home. The more he looked at her, the more he realized he couldn't do this. Not without a fight.

 

"I saw him." Ben began somewhat cryptically, breaking the silence though it scarcely caught her attention. He looked straight ahead while her head hardly turned to show she'd heard him. "My father. In your memories. Last night."


	7. The First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions need to be made. This is short so I'll post the next one shortly.

Silence veiled them. Ben had hoped for a reaction by now. As the seconds wore on, he would have taken anything. He would have preferred for her to roar at him, to get up and beat him senseless but she didn't do any of that. Maybe he hoped she would so that he could feel he'd been punished and could move on. No such luck. Ben looked ahead, accepting that he wasn't going to get a response.

"What made you think it was a good idea to tell me that?" Not quite expecting such a dead, toneless reply; Ben's attention was whipped from the windshield but her's was still on it.

"I needed to know." One of the last things he'd said to her before he revealed his face the day they met. It was defensive then and it was defensive now. 

"No, you didn't." Her tone was the same. "You wanted to know. There's a difference." He didn't know how to answer that. "And what did you see?" Ben's gaze drifted to her again and found her looking back at him, deadpan.

"I saw you when you were four." He told her with something of a defeated sigh. It seemed she was getting this out of him whether he liked it or not. He surveyed the stars, it was easier. "You were waiting for the Falcon to touch down. When you saw him, you ran to him and he caught you. He… He adored you." Ben didn't think his father would look at anyone else like that. Clearly he'd been wrong. "You were sick, weren't you?" Normay pondered if he deserved this information or not. She'd be disembarking soon, never to see him again so she went with it.

"Darkon fever."

"That's rare…."

"Survival is rarer."

"And here you are." That explained her blood; one of the things that had drawn him to her at the beginning. If that didn't prove her strength, nothing would. She didn't say anything again for a while. She barely remembered it but her parents had told her. Told what had almost happened. Her recovery had been slow and rocky but she'd beaten the disease in the end. She didn't remember anything from the days that were almost her last. She didn't remember her parents taking it in turns to watch over her. Nor did she remember Han pacing anxiously in the background, shutting off his transmissions several times when he was told to come home. He couldn't leave. Not yet.

 "He waited." She shattered the newly settled silence but continued to take in what lay beyond the window as Ben glanced sideways at her. He thought the conversation was over. "Han. He waited with my parents in case somethin' happened to me. But his own family needed him too. He had to go." That was Ben. Ben was that family. The one who ultimately had been Han's undoing.

 "I've worn that helmet for years." Ben began slowly with a painful edge. "I've torn up families. Killed one in front of another and looked that person in the eye before I killed them too…" He hesitated, that admission wasn't ideal. "But no one has ever looked at me the way you did last night." That tore at him more than he was willing to admit. She was still quiet. What was she supposed to say to that? "You need to understand something." The former Kylo Ren was clearly not proud of what he'd done and as much as he wanted to look at her to drive home what he was about to say, he couldn't. "The Dark Side…. It… It requires sacrifice." She wasn't sure she wanted to hear this. "Snoke needed to know that I could do what was necessary…. To do what was required…." Saying it out loud, Ben found himself doubting his own words. Maybe Han was right. Maybe Snoke was just using him for his power. But his decision was made now. He wasn't going back. "Doing what I did…." He stopped; feeling choked but forced himself on. "Was supposed to lead me away from the light…. It was supposed to cut me off from my past and it didn't work…." He finally looked at her. "I wish I hadn't done it. I'm not going back." Normay's grey gaze caught Ben's brown ones and they lingered there for an unknown period of time.

 

"You're…. You're not going back?" Ben got up from the pilot's chair and knelt in front of her. She had never seen such sorrow, such desperation and such anguish in one person's face and all at the same time. His voice was wavering and he could feel himself about to crack all over again.

" _Please don't leave me."_ He broke her heart. More than once in the last twenty four hours. He had been misled and his father, her friend had paid the price. But looking at him now… He would have done anything to go back and undo what he'd done. Anything not to have made that tragic mistake. Her eyes traveled over the scar, that reminder that would most likely haunt him for the rest of his life. He would probably torture himself for as long as he lived; she didn't need to do it too. He was splayed before her, emotionally naked and pleading.

 "I won't." She told him solemnly, in all sincerity though she wasn't sure where it came from. "I promise I won't leave you." Ben's face softened and just then, the first step to forgiveness had been taken.

 "May…." He was off his knees and appeared in front of her, a hand had found its way to behind her head and the other went to her cheek. That wasn't the part that confused her. Before she could take in what was happening, Ben's lips were firmly against hers. She didn't move for a second, still somewhat stumped and her brain was taking its time to process what was happening. But slowly and surely, she felt herself responding. Normay's eyes closed as her lips found rhythm with his and one of her arms draped loosely around the back of his neck. When they finally broke apart, neither of them knew what to say. They just kind of stayed there, Ben leaning against the arm rests of her chair with his forehead pressed affectionately to hers.

 "What do we do now?" Normay asked quietly, opening her eyes to be faced with Ben's still shut lids. "Do we run? Or do we get help?" Maybe it was a stupid question. Who would help them? "We could go to Rosunda. We'll stay there; we'll find a way…."

"No." Ben sighed, finally opening his eyes. "We need to go to the Ileenium System."


	8. Swallow Your Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia's not sure how to feel when her son brings a girl home and Normay doesn't like needles.

"The Ileenium System?" Normay repeated in a horrified hiss. It was no longer a secret that the Resistance base was located in the Ileenium System."Are you out of your mind?! Ben, have you any idea of what they'll do to you?!" She wasn't concerned about herself. She was a relatively innocent party. Ben on the other hand…..

"I'll take you back home if you want." He told her with a twinge of dejection.

"No. I told you I wasn't fuckin' leavin' you and I'm not." His typical, stubborn Normay. "Ben, please." She was more desperate now and it showed. "Please… Come home with me. I'll explain to my brothers… We have enough to get by for now, we'll figure somethin' out…."

 "May." He plucked her up from her chair (with less effort than last time) and parked himself down in it, turning the female so she was sat in his lap and held her close. "What I'm about to say might scare you and it might worry you but it's the truth and you need to hear it." How did he say this? How did he tell her she was a target? Not just for Snoke but probably Hux as well? Close like that day in the medical bay when they were spied upon by the General, Normay's eyes searched for Ben's but they wouldn't match hers."This isn't over. It's just beginning. Snoke is going to want revenge, maybe Hux too. If we go to Rosunda, I have no way of keeping you safe."

"And how is that goin' to change if we go to the Resistance?" She countered quietly. He was right. She was worried. Normay gently slid a pale hand under Ben's chin to make him look at her. It seemed they were a little more than friends now.

"Even if you go to Rosunda and never see me again, they'll still use you; they'll use you to hurt me. I can't let that happen to you. I won't. At least if we go to the Resistance, they'll protect you. They'll protect us. We have plenty we can offer them. It won't be easy but we have to try." Ben tenderly took her hand off his chin and laid a kiss into her palm. "I want to be able to give you everything you deserve when this is over." Normay sighed and pressed her forehead back against Ben's, closing her eyes and just wishing they could be as peaceful as they were now for the rest of their lives. They were certainly in a mess. But if they weren't they never would have found each other.

 

* * *

 

 

"He kept saying he'd bring you to meet me. Did you know that?" He remembered that from the memory but he never remembered his father talking about a silver haired girl. "But he always said your mother was crazy protective."

"Crazy protective." They finished in unison with a small snort of laughter from the male. Han had always said that about Leia. Normay looked across at him with something akin to a familiar smile.

"The Commander of the Starkiller Base fuckin' snorts."

"Hey, shut up!" They had resorted to humour and reminiscing to calm their nerves but it was barely working. D'Qar came into view and a tense atmosphere gripped the cabin. Their descent was slow and all the while, Normay's hand enclosed over Ben's and it was all he needed. She trusted him. She wanted to be with him. That made this easier than if he had to do it alone.

"We've got this." She told them both encouragingly. "We can do this."

 

* * *

 

 

"General, there's an unidentified ship approaching on the radar." That caught Leia Organa's attention. She moved over almost silently to the monitor and watched with a curious frown.

"Life forms on board?"

"Three, General." Leia continued to scrutinize the image being projected from cameras scattered around and secured up high.

"Poe! Come here!" Dameron did as he was asked with Finn struggling behind him on crutches, fresh from the medical bay. "What is that?" Poe squinted. It looked like…. But it couldn't be. Could it?

"First Order." Finn voiced it for him, his blood running cold. The small group stared at the monitor with dread. There had been no documented evacuations of the Starkiller Base before it exploded; the last that had been seen of Kylo Ren was by Rey when she left him in the snow.

"Three life forms?"

"Yes, General."

"Get a squad to the landing strip NOW!"

 

* * *

 

 

Word was put out to avoid the landing strip; an alleged fuel leak was leaving fumes so the ship would be received by minimum but enough of the Resistance. Ben had said this wouldn't be easy and his suspicions were about to be confirmed. They touched down to find an armed squadron waiting for them.

 "Fuck…." The pair exchanged looks then one more kiss before their ramp dropped and they started down into the belly of the beast, hands joined. No one below expected what they were about to see. Or rather who. They assumed maybe some more rogue Stormtroopers who had fled before the planet collapsed but no. Leia's face dropped at the familiar mop of dark hair though his face was thoroughly scarred and his walk suggested severe injuries. It matched Rey's account though she hadn't yet returned. Her son was home. Who she didn't know was the silver haired female whose hand he clasped protectively but both Poe and Finn recognised her. She had interrogated Poe. Finn had always seen her with the General and a few times with Kylo Ren before he defected. Ben looked around and found the face he was looking for. He maintained eye contact with his mother, there was something in that look and Leia knew it to be defeat.

 "There's a present for ye in the cargo hold." Normay had told one of their captors bluntly as they pushed past them on the ramp to inspect the ship. More armed Resistance waited at the bottom of the ramp for them. She had been referring to General Hux. Whether or not he was awake yet, none of them knew. General Organa had to gather herself.

 "Find them a cell together. I'll speak to them soon." It killed her to imprison Ben but strength and leadership had to be shown. The cell wasn't that big. There was a single bed in the corner and that seemed to be the only furnishing. The hours seemed to drag past since they'd ended up on the bed together, sitting with their backs against the metal headboard. Ben adjusted them so the significantly smaller female rested against his chest, his arms around her guardingly, cheek resting against the top of her head. Her eyes were closed but Ben's were open, just staring at nothing.

 _"Ben?"_ It was a sleepy grumble that woke him from his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

_"We still arrested?"_

"Yeah."

_"Fuck. Ok. Did they find Hux?"_

"I don't know. Probably. You told them where he was."

_"Did I?"_

"You did, May."

" _Delighted. What an assbag."_ Ben was tempted to laugh but the situation weighed too heavily on him. Whatever about him, he didn't think they'd put Normay in a cell.

"You awake?"

_"I'm talkin' to you, aren't I?"_

"How did you even sleep?"

 _"Side effect of the fever for, like, the rest of my life. Remember when I fell asleep in my office? That's what happened there."_ Ben pressed a small kiss to Normay's forehead, more of a comfort to himself than anything else. If falling asleep at inconvenient times was all she had to worry about for the rest of her days, he knew he'd have done right by her. When the door slid open, the couple on the bed looked across to a face neither of them knew, one of his mother's underlings, Ben assumed.

 "I've been instructed by the General to bring you both to medical."

"Both?" Ben repeated suspiciously. He understood why he needed to go and he didn't want to be separated from Normay but something about this didn't seem right.

"You want to be patched up properly, you come with me now. Her too." Ben's nostrils flared as he adjusted himself under Normay's weight and helped her up too but keeping hold of her hand and would continue to do so until they got to medical.

"Come on…."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Tests?! What kind of fuckin' tests?!" Normay spat when she was hesitantly separated from Ben in the medical centre. Ben could hear her but couldn't see her.

"May?!"

"They want to do some fuckin' tests!"

"What's going on?! What are they doing to her?!" He directed his questioning to his mother who was waiting in the cubicle for him when he was brought in.

"Darkon Fever survivors are rare." Leia explained; the silver hair and eyes were a dead giveaway. "Her blood might be a clue to a cure or a vaccination."

"Don't hurt her." It was harsh but pleading. The General observed her son silently for a moment. Maybe she was the reason he'd come back. A medic had taken off the bandage on his side and was examining Normay's clumsy attempt at stitches.

"We won't. Now, what happened? Why did you come here?"

"I thought you'd be happier to see me, mother." He growled in both pain and annoyance as the stitches were taken out one by one and Leia was somewhat caught off guard.

"I am, Ben. But…. You can't expect me to just forget everything that happened." She was talking about Han and he knew it. There was an agonizing silence in the cubicle; the only background noise was Normay cursing at people who were coming at her with needles.

"I killed him." Leia flinched. She'd felt that disturbance in the Force and wept at it. He was going to tell her what he'd told Normay. "I wish I hadn't. I'd give anything to take it back. I miss him." Ben swallowed and bit his lip; it was nothing to do with the fresh stitches being put in. "It was all in vain. I felt no different, only a stronger pull to the light. He was right. Snoke was using me." He paused to shift so the medic could move around him to check the other wounds. "The pull to the light was too strong. He sensed it. If I went to complete the training, he would have turned me fully or killed me. I came where it was safe for me and May. If I had taken her home, he would have used her against me. And Hux…. I don't want to think about what he would have done to her." He finally made eye contact with the General. "We're both useful. We'll both do what we have to but she's done nothing wrong."

"She changed you, didn't she?" Ben hesitated. She had. It was just strange to admit it to his mother who he hadn't seen in nearly fifteen years.

"She did."

" **JESUS CHRIST!"** Both Ben and Leia's heads whipped round to the door where the scream had come from beyond. The General looked to medic tending to Ben.

"Finn and Poe said she was a doctor?"

"I think she's a psychologist, General."

"Oh."


	9. Domestic Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normay faces questioning. She and Ben are thrust into another stage of their relationship but don't find it uncomfortable. At all.

"State your name, please."

"Doctor Normay Vance."

"Age?"

"Twenty eight."

"Planet of origin?"

"Rosunda."

"Species?"

"Human." Normay found herself in an unnerving situation. A hearing. A formality, the General assured her but nerve wracking all the same. Ben was not allowed to be present. She stood before General Organa and a collection of her officers while Poe and Finn watched.

"What is your allegiance to the First Order?"

"None." Organa frowned at her.

"So how did you come to be in their service?"

"I was sent for. Contracted. The job paid the best so I took it."

"Contracted how?"

"I graduated top of my class with a doctorate in psychology from Gorand University. I held a few positions in a few different practices but my family was more important. Eventually, I was contacted by an aid of General Brendol Hux of the First Order and offered a position which I would be paid well for."

"So you took it."

"Yes. My brothers were older, more capable; I didn't feel so bad about leavin'. I arrived on the Finalizer a week or so later, met General Hux and was then moved to the Starkiller Base."

"What was your relationship with General Hux?" Normay pursed her lips. That son of a bitch had obviously given them every vile detail of everything they'd ever done.

"Somewhat intimate."

"That's not what he says." Finn's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Poe closed it for him. So the rumours had been true?!

"Do we need to debate what went on with me and the General? I mean, surely there's more important things you need to ask me?!" The General cleared her throat and moved onto the next question.

"How did you meet Kylo Ren?"

"I saw him a few times aboard the Finalizer. Then on Starkiller base. He never spoke to me until he came to ask about…stress relief." She tried not to let on her mortification but with skin as pale as Normay's, it was hard to hide the blush.

"Meaning?"

"He wanted to know how I was so calm in such a stressful work environment so that he could apply said methods to himself."

"And what did you tell him?"

"The same thin' the General told you."

"What was your role aboard the Finalizer and Starkiller Base?"

"I was given the impression I would be helpin' Stormtroopers to cope with PTSD and other mental health issues. I later found out I was going to be interrogatin' instead."

"Did you interrogate many?"

"A few. If I couldn't crack them, I passed them over to Kylo Ren."

"Did you work closely with Kylo Ren?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"We discussed prisoners, interrogation tactics and so on."

"How would you describe your relationship?"

"Friends and work colleagues."

"He unveiled his face to you?"

"All the time." That was met with mild surprise.

"But he never told you his real name?"

"Not until we were on the way here."

"Do you recognize that man?" She nodded to Poe who looked confident, almost pleased at being put in the spotlight. Normay recognized him. She remembered him. His sweet talk and his struggle to turn around to see her one last time, it made her smile. She realized it was probably Hux's reaction that had made the memory that little bit sweeter.

"I do. I interrogated him. His name is Poe Dameron. The best pilot in the Resistance or so he told me. He also called me 'Beautiful' and 'Baby' and promised he'd get the Stormtroopers to bring him back to me. The General wasn't happy." General Organa cracked a similar smile, as did Poe. That sounded about right.

"How did you escape from Starkiller Base?"

"I was abducted from my quarters by General Hux. He knocked me out with somethin', don't know what. I spent that time lookin' after Kylo Ren; he was badly injured from a lightsaber fight and a blaster to the side."

"But you're not a doctor?"

"Not that kind of doctor but I have basic first aid. I did what I could."

"It seems to have worked."

"Tell me about it." Leia gave another ghost of a smile. She saw her son since he arrived with this woman, as if he'd known her all his life. After so much pain and suffering and torture, he was finally happy.

"It's worth mentioning that the doctor, despite her…. reservations; has provided us with blood samples for study. Being a survivor of the blood disease known as Darkon Fever, she may be a key to a vaccination or a cure. Doctor, is there anything you'd like to add?" Normay thought for a moment. She had nothing to lose with this addition.

"Temmin Wexley." An outbreak of confused murmurs but the General never took her eyes off the younger female. Wexley hadn't been the same since he returned. Parts of his memory were wiped clean, he didn't seem to recall his mission at all.

"How do you-"

"I interrogated him too. I had him sent back to you. He was goin' to be executed. His ship crashed off the northern quadrant of the Starkiller Base on a recon mission. Temmin was apprehended and questioned by Kylo Ren before he was passed over to me."

"You just said that if you couldn't crack them that Kylo Ren would take over. Why was it reversed for Temmin?"

"I was asleep. I suffer from random bouts of fatigue and sickness as a side effect of the fever. Kylo Ren knew this and covered me." How thoughtful of him, the General thought. The evidence kept building that Normay was the key to her son's redemption. "He had been the one to escort me to my room actually. He lay with me for a while until I was summoned. He went in my place. There had been an ...altercation with the General and he wasn't comfortable with me goin' by myself. When he couldn't crack Temmin, he came and got me himself. I knew the data he'd collected was probably live streamed back here but I convinced the General it was destroyed with the ship. I suggested his memory be wiped and sent back in a tracked vessel."

"We've been very fortunate with First Order members rescuing our pilots." Leia observed, looking to Poe and Finn then back to Normay with amusement. "I don't think he realizes you saved his life. I'll be sure to tell him."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Ben? **Ben!** "

_"Mmm….?"_

"Come on, up!" No answer, merely a grunt, a kick of the sheets and a roll over in the bed. Normay stood over her shirtless partner's sleeping form with her arms folded and a scowl pasted across her pale face. Once upon a time, she had been terrified of this man. Weary of his mystery and believing of all matter of things about him that may or may not have been true. He had invaded her mind and her most personal thoughts and memories. But here she was, trying to get him out of bed so he wouldn't be late to meet with his mother. She hadn't taken it exceptionally well either when she found out just who General Organa was to Ben. _"She's your **WHAT?!** When were you gonna tell me?! Jesus Christ, I look like a moron, Ben!"_ She got over it quite quickly. "You're going to be late for your mother if you don't fuckin' get up!"

_"Five minutes…."_

"No, you need to get up, showered, dressed, breakfast and out!" Ben rolled over again and looked at the silver haired female with bleary eyes.

_"Don't do this to me."_

"Ben. Up. Or I will purposely burn your breakfast." She had three brothers. He couldn't win.

 

* * *

 

 

 _"We're going to keep the pair of you under surveillance for now. Just until things die down here. Shared living quarters are probably appropriate?"_ That was two weeks previous, the day after they arrived. Neither of them spoke up to tell her about the immaturity of the relationship. Surely they'd cope?

 

 

* * *

 

Shared living quarters was a small, bunker like cottage just off the landing strip. There was always someone coming or going but they were out of the way of everyone else. Their presence hadn't really been received well by the majority of the Resistance staff. For that reason, they stayed at 'home' as much as possible, having meals there too to avoid the stares and whispers. With a small living area, a bathroom, a kitchen and one double bedroom; 'home' was nothing fancy but it was cosy.

 

**"May?!"**

"What?!"

**"Where's my grey tunic?!"**

"In the drawer or in the wash!"

 **"Shit!"** Ben rummaged through the drawers in the bedroom, trying to keep his towel up but not finding what he was looking for and resigning himself to trying to find something else.

"Hang on! Here!" She appeared in the doorway with the grey garment held aloft for him. "Just about dry."

"Thank you." It was accepted with a swift peck to the lips before she went back to what she was doing and he continued to fight to get into his clothes. It seemed like they were together a lot longer than they actually were. And there had been no officiating of it. She told him she wouldn't leave him, he kissed her and that was it. They'd been a couple ever since; arrested together shortly after. How many couples could say that? They appeared to have skipped the awkward dating stage (their friendship had been awkward and strange enough) and were now literally living together and sharing a bed. That had to be some sort of record, two weeks together and a ring short of a married couple. But it worked. For whatever reason, whatever they were doing, it worked. There was just one step they hadn't taken yet.

 

"Still not shavin'?" Normay asked, entering the bedroom again to pick up a cup from the night before.

"No. Don't you like it?" She scrutinized his face for a moment, taking in the dark bristles over his mouth and on his chin.

"Do _you_ like it?"

"Yeah…."

"So keep it." She answered with an indifferent shrug, who was she to tell him what he could and couldn't do with his facial hair? "Your face, not mine. I'll kiss you all the same."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben was back late from meeting with his mother. He didn't feel like talking. It was a small mercy that Normay was already in bed when he got back. Fit of fatigue, he assumed. He ate, cleaned up and changed then climbed in beside her. As always, he collected her into his arms and held her sleeping form close to him. She was the comfort he badly needed. He didn't know how long he lay there. His mind was way ahead of him, turning over the meeting with his mother. It wasn't welcome news but he supposed it was inevitable. Ben's nosed traced up Normay's neck, the affection and the closeness (however one sided) was extremely comforting. She smelled like vanilla and his tracing continued.

 

 _"No wonder I had to drag you out of bed this mornin'."_ The familiar sleep ridden husk derailed his train of thought. _"Why're you awake?"_

"Can't sleep." He answered quietly, nose still nuzzling against her neck. "Did I wake you?"

 _"A girl can only take so much against her neck, Ben. What's wron'?"_ Ben was quiet for a moment.

"They're coming back tomorrow." He said finally, relying on the dark of the bedroom to hide the dread in his face. "The scavenger girl and Chewie. Rey. Her name is Rey. They're due back tomorrow. With Luke." Normay could feel the tenseness in her partner's chest; they'd been reasonably happy since they got there when they kept to themselves.

"What are you gonna do?"

"What _can_ I do? I have to face them. I need to try and make it right. They're the ones I need to convince…"

"Chewie shot you, didn't he?"

"Mmm…."

"He could have killed you, Ben. But he didn't. We've both known him a long time; we know he's an unbeatable shot, it wasn't a mistake. He meant for you to survive. Maybe it's not as bad as you think." The male cuddled into her still, like a child would a stuffed toy and played with her hair.

"I hope you're right."


	10. A First Time For Everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a bad day and goes to Normay for comfort. But a new kind of comfort.

The sun rose and even though the pair were awake, neither of them moved.

"I don't want to get out of this bed…." Normay tilted back her head to take in Ben's heavily scarred face, pity written across her own.

"I know." She sighed quietly. He already had one arm around her waist, the other draped around her neck and down her back. They were both on their sides, facing each other. She often woke like this but Ben usually woke before her and gathered her into that or a similarly protective position. If he slept at all. He'd fall back to sleep, clutching her like something precious and she'd have to detangle herself from him to wake him. Today was much more than a meeting with his mother or trying to help out around the yard. It was something he had started to do, helping or trying to. More often than not he was ignored but he persevered. She'd rather he didn't do it, to try and brace whatever humility he had rather than asking her to drag him out of bed in the morning because he knew she was ruthless. She couldn't fathom why he tortured himself like that. It was an attempt to prove he had changed, to prove he was useful and willing to put his time and energy into improving the Resistance. To become one of them. But people were cruel and their impression seemed to have been set in stone. It was disheartening to say the least. His comfort was coming home to Normay. "I know you're scared. But you have nothin' to worry about. Luke'll see you've changed."

 

"And what about Rey? And Chewie? And everyone else on this fucking base? How will they know? They won't give me a chance!"

"Easy, love." The female soothed, picking up her hand and gently brushing the raven locks out of his face that threatened to fall into his eyes. "We'll leave as soon as we can." "We can't do that until Snoke is dead." Ben reminded her with a taint of irritation but it wasn't directed at her. She'd know that.

"Well, you and Luke have plenty to discuss then, don't you?" She was right. He couldn't move on until this part of his life was well and truly behind him. Which had been the logic behind killing his father and turning his back on the light in his past. And yet, here he was on a Resistance base, curled up in bed with an even brighter light. "I'll be right there with you." Normay promised loyally, pulling herself even closer to his bare chest. "Always."

 

* * *

 

 

The landing strip not far from their modest home was thronged. It seemed everyone in the Resistance wanted to get a glimpse of the illusive Luke Skywalker. The Jedi who had gone into hiding after a pupil had become overcome by the Dark side and slaughtered their classmates was about to make his landing with a Wookie, a droid and a protégé. The excitement in the air was palpable, this was finally happening. Laughter, bright conversation and congratulatory claps on the backs seemed to be the soundtrack of the landing strip that day. For Luke to return was a massive success for the Resistance and any hope of restoring anything of the Republic. There were two among the crowd though that did not feel the same as everyone else. They seemed to feed off each other's dread. They had dressed well, or as well as they could. Needless to say, he had traded in his black robes and couldn't see himself wearing black for a while. Instead, he wore dark green today though he only put on whatever Normay laid out for him. He also shaved but he didn't give her an answer when she asked why. Normay's hair was back and she had made an effort with make-up but Ben hadn't noticed. After he had gotten out of bed, he seemed to be on autopilot. After everything that had happened, not only with Luke but the scavenger girl and Chewie, how was he supposed to react? No doubt he would be met with hatred but he needed to make them see that Kylo Ren was gone or almost. The familiar roar of engines made Ben tense and caused Normay's grasp on his hand to tighten. Thunderous applause erupted on the landing strip when the Falcon did appear and touch down. Soon, four forms were starting to descend the ramp, one female, two males and a droid. One of the males, a bearded human dressed in a brown hooded robe seemed to locate the couple in the crowd. As if he could _sense_ them. He stared at Ben and Ben stared back, eyes locked intently from nearly a hundred metres away.

 

"We can go if you want." Normay offered quietly, noticing how Ben had managed to tense even more.

"No, he knows I'm here. I've got to stay." Luke appeared unperturbed and continued to watch his nephew as the General approached to hug both Chewie and Rey. Luke too was hugged but it was longer and far more affectionate. They were lead away through the still cheering crowd towards the main building of the base. The crowd started to disperse, leaving Ben and Normay standing there, feeling the anti-climax.

 "C'mon, it's gettin' cold." When they returned home, Ben barely ate which concerned his partner immensely nor was he very talkative. Just as she was about to try and encourage him to talk, someone approached their door and knocked. Ben was on his feet and crossing the room to the door before she could even turn around. She had a _very_ bad feeling about this. It was one of the General's staff.

 

* * *

 

 

"They want to see you." She heard the murmur from the open door and Ben was about to turn back but he was cut off. "Just you. Not her." Ben's annoyance was obvious when he closed the door and turned back to the silver haired female.

"They want to see me." There was a significant amount of dread in his voice but also when his eyes met hers. "I…. I don't want to go without you but I have to…."

"You'll be fine." She assured him softly, accepting the kiss he pressed down to her from above. "I'll be here waitin' for you. I won't go to bed without you."

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Ben came back, it was late but she kept her promise and waited. He eased himself down into a chair in the living area, rubbing his temples with his fingers. He should have expected everything that was said, should have expected all the vicious asides from Chewie but it all caught him off guard nonetheless. Normay left the bedroom already in her nightdress and watched his stressful display. Carefully, she lifted herself onto the arm of his chair and rested her head against his, just to let him know she was there. Ben leaned up and pressed his lips against hers, naturally she returned the gesture. He surprised her though when he intensified it. Passion, longing, lust, excitement; it was all there. Even more so when he pulled her down roughly into his lap. She wasn't quite sure what he was doing but she wasn't going to stop him. His behaviour continued to shock her when his lips moved down to her neck and caressed her there (something he had never really done before), one hand around her waist, the other wandering up her leg. Ben broke away, breathless, after a moment or so to look Normay in the eye. He didn't need to say anything.

 

"You sure you want to do this?" She asked, short of breath herself.

"I do…." He answered with certainty and a decisive nod. "If you want to…"

"Of course I do, I just want to make sure you think you're ready."

"I've slept beside you for more than two weeks; I've thought about you every day since the day I met you and even before it, thinking about him putting his hands on you in any way is agonizing…."

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"Bedroom."

 

* * *

 

 

Normay led him by the hand into their shared room and with the door closed, they started again. Lips fighting, tongues wrestling, hands wandering, he was a little unsure, a little shy but he was slowly coming out of himself. Ever so gently, Normay eased Ben into sitting down on the bed by placing her hand on his chest. Taking a few paces back, the hem of her nightdress was seized and pulled up over her head to reveal the nakedness Ben had never seen. Even in the last two weeks, they had showered separately, locked the bathroom door whenever they were using it and changed for bed individually.All that would change tonight. He took her in with awe; her breasts, her stomach, everything. He didn't think she could get more beautiful but she just had. She tinkered with the messy bun her hair was piled up in and unfurled it so the silver came down around her.

 "You could at least blink; you're makin' _me_ nervous now." She told him somewhat playfully, tossing aside the hair tie and crossing the room to him.

"I just never…." She raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue. He couldn't. Instead, she pushed her lips back to his and resumed the kiss that seemed to get more longing each time. Ben's hands started to roam again, the heat from them ghosting over Normay's almost impossibly pale thighs and up her back. As often as he'd held her hand or stroked her face, the parts of her that remained covered were like silk. Her own hands went to the chord that held his robes together and pulled it apart before tossing it to the floor. Mid-kiss, Ben decided to join in and shrugged the robes off then broke away just long enough to rip his under shirt over his head and tossed both garments to join the chord and her nightdress. The silver haired female was pulled up into his lap again, his bare chest rubbing against hers as their joint excitement started to mount. With his boots kicked off, Ben dragged off the last of his clothes so they were both at the same level of exposure. Normay decided it would probably be easiest and most comfortable for Ben if he was on top. In between kisses, she gave him the basics; what he'd need to do. Ben's length poked her sticky thigh so she took matters into her own hands. Literally. She found herself on her back at the top of the bed with her head on the pillows, lips still firmly locked with Ben's as he hovered over her. When she first touched him, his lips drew back with something of a strangled groan but kept his lower quarters where they were and just stared at her. She would continue until he told her not to. His breathing just became more ragged and his lips returned to Normay's with a new urgency as she stroked him, light and featherlike but enough to make him squirm.

 

"Easy…." She murmured lightly in his ear, trying to prevent him from getting too worked up. "I need you to try and push in." He looked at her as if somewhat uncertain.

"I don't want to hurt you….."

"Ben, I _promise_ you won't hurt me."

"But…."

"Just start slow and make your own pace. I swear you won't hurt me. I've been doin' this for a while."

 "How long?"

"…..I'll tell you later." Ben did as instructed. Normay helped him guide his way in and when he finally felt he envelope him to the base, he had to stop and give himself a moment, burying his face in her neck; he was sensitive which was only natural for his first time. She just fitted him so perfectly, like a jigsaw piece.

"Just relax." She told him softly, giving the back of his head a comforting stroke. Patience was built into her with something like this. He could take his time without inconveniencing her; this was about him after all. "Take your time. Move your hips when you're ready." When that overwhelming feeling had passed him, Ben started to roll his hips and Normay helped him along with some movements of her own. Ben found it difficult not to groan, not to express this new found pleasure and it didn't go unnoticed. "Hey." She called him quietly and he brought his attention back to her though he kept moving, slow and somewhat gentle even though he had something of a clumsy rhythm. He'd fix it eventually. "You're enjoyin' it; you don't have to be quiet about it." With that encouragement he became a bit more vocal.

 

The grunts and sighs of both pleasure and effort flowed freely from Ben now as he slowly got more comfortable in the act. He watched Normay's face, looking for any sign that she was in distress; instead her eyes were closed and she was actually smiling. Ben leaned down as close as he could and recaptured Normay's lips, an action she both welcomed and reciprocated. The male's hips continued to roll and his moans of contentment seemed to melt into her soft pleasured whimpers. Their lips separated again and their foreheads joined in an exceptionally affectionate gesture. This time, they gazed at each other. Not just each other's eyes but seemingly into each other's souls. Despite the collection of bodily fluids, the strange sounds and whatever else made sex appear distasteful, there was an undeniable air of something far stronger than lust in the room that night. Normay panted lightly and nuzzled in as close to her lover as she could get. Ben's thrusts picked up as did his confidence but he knew he wouldn't last much longer. It hadn't occurred to him just how much of this was actually based on instinct. There were things he just _knew._ Other things, he had to be told.

 

_"May…. I'm gonna…."_

"It's ok. Do it."

_"But…"_

"It's covered, we're fine."

_"What do I do?"_

"Just keep goin' until you can't anymore." And he did. Ben rocked his hips into the female, not especially hard but harder than when they'd started. His eyes locked with hers and in some inexplicable way, he could feel her climbing to her climax with him. Normay collided with her orgasm when her eyes snapped shut and her breathing stuttered. She came out of it with a long, guttural moan and ragged breathing. Her eyes were forced open again as Ben's hands clenched into tight fists, his own breathing laboured and shallow. He could feel her hugging in around him, there was something about it that just gave him a sense of wonderful desperation. Watching her embrace her own climax was enough to send him crumbling to his own. Ben felt it, he was sure she did too, that little trickle of semen. Spent, he relaxed and did his best to ease himself down rather than collapse and crush her. Instead, he shuffled over to his own side of the bed and gathered her up the way he always did. Before tonight, he didn't think he could feel closer to her or adore her more than before but he'd been wrong. Now, she was everything.

 

"You awake?"

"Barely." She answered, her voice strained from both moaning and exhaustion but cuddled into Ben just the same, passing him a kiss which he returned. "What happened up there? To say you needed to come back and lose your v-card?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow. I just want to enjoy this."


	11. You Fuckin' Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Normay recall the first time they saw each other - not the fluffy time in the medical bay. The terrifying encounter between the new doctor and the masked colleague she'd purposely been kept away from. Then Normay starts to question things. Mostly what had just happened.

The pair lay there in closeness; physically, emotionally and spiritually more than they ever had before. They didn't speak; whether it was exhaustion or because it would ruin the mood, neither of them knew but the silence was delicious. As the hours wore on from the early hours of the morning to the later ones, Ben and Normay dozed peacefully but were easily roused if the other moved due to the closeness their bodies continued to maintain. When they did finally wake, they just kind of gazed at each other for a while. Sure, the sheets were a bit sticky but it was bound to get a little messy, right? She'd change them later.

 

"So…." She began lightly with a flirty smile, breaking that sacred stillness and tracing light patterns on her lover's naked chest. "How d'you feel?" Ben pressed a small kiss to Normay's nose then affectionately laid his forehead against hers.

 "I feel…. Different."

"Different how?"

"I dunno…. Just different. Lighter. More like _me_."

"That's good." Normay's eyes closed again and Ben watched her, clearly hesitating.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

 "What did you think when you first saw me?" Normay's eyes opened again with a small, curious frown creasing her brow. _Odd question_.

"Shit, he's hot; I've been fuckin' the wrong one? Then you told me you were a virgin and I felt like a bit of a pervert." The male stifled a laugh, still eyeing his partner with obvious adoration but the reluctance remained in the background.

"Flattering. But I meant before that, before you saw my face. When you first started working on Finalizer." Normay thought back though confused by his question. Not so much by his question but why he needed to know these things. Surely it was all behind them?

"You terrified me." She answered quietly; her voice had dropped as she remembered, as did her gaze. "I was purposely kept away from you for the first week or so. Hux insisted on it but he couldn't really keep our paths from crossin', could he? He told me you were dangerous. I'd seen the damage you'd done in various control rooms, I heard the Stormtroopers talk…. It all fed into this…. Wariness? This…. Fear?" And yet, less than a year later and she was in bed with him. "I don't know if you remember…"

 

 

* * *

 

 

_"And if they're not compliant?"_

_"If they're not compliant, we'll find another method. Never fear, Doctor." The ginger General surveyed his newest employee with both sat_ _isfaction and interest. He'd made the right decision bringing her here. She did what was asked of her, didn't question him and when she wasn't needed, she tucked herself away down in medical where she wouldn't be a distraction to him._ _Distraction was one of her only downfalls. She was stunningly unique. Their dalliance hadn't begun yet. He was waiting for the right time. She was just freshly aboard; he was going to give her time to settle before he started to pursue her. And he had every intention of pursuing her. She was an acquired taste, yes but he seemed to have acquired it already. He caught himself in the shower one day thinking about her and took it as a sign. He must have Normay Vance._ _The pounding of infuriated footsteps echoed around the bridge causing Hux's attention to divert. He'd kept them apart this long; it didn't seem he would be able to do that for much longer. He really didn't need the Doctor to say the wrong thing to Ren which might get her killed. Or (he'd seen shadows of it already) the other way around. The General went to edge past Normay and head him off but Kylo Ren was already upon them._

 

_When Normay turned, she found herself only a few inches away from the mask she'd heard so much about. But to actually see it was a whole new breeding ground for fear. She took an instinctive step back but he (it?) was still watching her. He could see it in her, feel it radiating off her. Not just that but a significant measure of unease._ _She was an unusual creature. He didn't know much about females but this one was strange. Magnificently pale? Silver hair? Silver eyes? And there was definitely something off about her blood. Not midichlorians but something else. Like her blood cells were scarred and were produced that way naturally by her body._ _Even in her state of terror, Normay forced herself to look at the helmet, to take in the silver grooves and how they caressed the black metal, fitted into it, became one with it. How the whole thing seemed to be unpolished, barely finished, tired. It may have seen its fair share of damage from tantrums. His hood was up but it wasn't even cold…._ _She could hear him breathing. Just about. The modulator in the mask muffled it but didn't change it as such. He continued to stare her down though she wasn't sure how. There was a black visor so she assumed that's where his vision came from._

 

_"That's enough, Ren!" Came a merciful bark from nearby, drawing Normay and Kylo Ren out of each other. Normay breathed a noticeable sigh of relief when Ren rounded on the General and it was then she heard him speak for the first time._

_"_ _Supreme Leader Snoke wants to speak to us both. Now." Hux huffed quietly before placing himself between Ren and Normay._

_"I'll send for you later, Doctor. We can discuss this topic some more." He turned on his heel and started towards the top of the bridge and the holoroom where Snoke would be waiting. Ren waited and cast her one more lasting look before taking after Hux, leaving her alone on the bridge. What the fuck had just happened?! With his longer legs and more powerful stride, Ren soon caught up to the General.  "_ _Stay away from her, Ren." The redhead hissed at his colleague with an almost possessive venom which Ren disregarded._

_"I have no interest in your little pet, General. And a word of advice:" The masked male began casually as they strode to the holoroom side by side. "Keep those lewd thoughts of yours to yourself when you're in the Supreme Leader's presence. He won't be as forgiving to such a distraction as I am."_

 

 

* * *

 

 

"I do remember that." Ben confessed, one half of his mouth stretching into a grimace.

"You scared the shit outta me."

"You were braver than most."

"Was I?"

"Mmm. Most people wouldn't dare to look at the helmet. As much as it scared you, you faced it straight on."

"I knew I was fuckin' brave. But seriously, why did you just stare at me? You didn't even speak to me, you just…. Looked at me."

"You were fascinating. You still are, obviously. I told him I had no interest in you; I lied. You were like a splash of colour in all that grey. Your uniform was the same as theirs but you just stood out. Even your pulse was different. How do you think I always knew where to find you? It called to me, as creepy as they sounds. You were just so…." He couldn't find the word. There was nothing to describe how wonderfully out of place Normay had been on the Finalizer or even the Starkiller.

"Is that why you just popped up at random intervals, stared for a while then fucked off when you got caught?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I was so sheltered from everything on an emotional range that I didn't even realize that there was some sort of romantic undertone."

"Listen to you, you sappy fucker!" Normay giggled as Ben dragged her back into his arms before she was silenced with his lips against hers.

 

* * *

 

 

"I gotta go." He told her regretfully, pressing a kiss to her temple before hesitantly releasing her from his arms, sitting up then dragging himself over to the side of the bed. "Mother will be waiting. They told me to come back in the morning." Normay sat up with the covers securely keeping the heat to her body as she watched her lover dress. "I'm feeling good about this." He told her, half glancing over his shoulder, pulling on garment after garment. "It's like he's gone or at least almost gone." She assumed he was talking about Kylo Ren which he was. "They said I needed to put as many differences between me and him and possible and last night really helped." Normay's face dropped. What?

"What…. Uh…. What does that mean, Ben?" Dejection but irritation and anger would soon follow. Poor, clueless bastard. She'd hoped, really hoped that the night previous had been a turning point that she might have some closure on what they were or his feelings towards her. She knew he adored her but she couldn't tell if he loved her.

"Ren was a virgin, I'm not. That's a difference, isn't it?" He replied with a shrug as he pulled on his boots then getting to his feet.

"Hold on!" He stopped at the doorway and looked back at her, still naked in the bed. "Is that all last night was, Ben?" He studied her face, took in her expression. Was she angry? Upset? Pissed off? What?

"Well… Yeah. I mean, we were due, weren't we?" Maybe that was the wrong thing to say?

" _Due?_ " She repeated, definitely annoyed. She had no problem waiting for as long as he wanted to. But he was different to Hux or anyone else she'd been with. He was special. She'd just hoped he'd felt the same way which would have drove him to his actions the night previous. Obviously not.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothin'! Absolutely fuckin' nothin'!" Normay snapped, arms folding over her substantial chest in sheer animosity. If she wasn't naked she would have been out of the bed to face him properly but he didn't deserve to see her naked after that. The accent had intensified. _Run, Ben. Run_. "Mommy's waitin', Ben. Off you go!" He did. Mostly to avoid an argument even though he wasn't sure what was wrong in the first place. When the front door closed, Normay tangled a stressed hand into her hair and sank back into her pillows.

" _You fuckin idiot._ " Was it meant for Ben or herself, she wasn't sure yet.


	12. What Could Have Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope I didn't scare you with the chapter title! So, with Ben's stupidity pending, I found some of the other material I was going to use over the course of writing this fic. I know sometimes it seems like I just throw stuff down on the page (that's usually how my process works) BUT where Ben and Normay are now isn't always where they were going to be. Have a look at what almost was. It's in reasonable chronological order but none of it is connected. I think all of it is from later in the story.

_**"Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment, in a system far from here the New Republic LIES to the GALAXY while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order! And will remember this… as the last day of the Republic!"** _

 

She stood behind him like the rest of the unarmoured staff. Uniform pristine, hair back, posture and make up perfect (it had to be with the events of the night previous). The words washed over her as she stared ahead at nothing. She knew what was going to happen.

 

There was nothing she could do. If she tried to leave now, he'd spot her and drag her back. She tried to talk to Ren but it was the one thing they disagreed on; this weapon, this _genocide_. The Hosnian System, the New Republic was first; a test. An example to the rest of the galaxy of what would happen if they didn't comply, if they refused to be enslaved. Normay didn't realize just how disturbing thousands of Stormtroopers saluting at once could be.

 

The answer is unbelievably so. There was silence. No cheers, no roars of support which, in a way, was worse. The female's head was held high and her eyes were closed as the first shot was fired. A light snail-trail of a tear slowly ambled its way down her cheek from under her shut lids. Millions, maybe billions of lives wiped out in just seconds. She had to do something.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The cell opened and a dark figure entered. The pilot watched from the corner, the blood from the mild wound at the side of his head having dried significantly. It was no secret Poe had survived a probing from Kylo Ren. He'd spoken in hushed tones with General Organa about him.

 

"So you're Kylo Ren." The pilot growled with derision from the corner. Ren approached him and crouched down so they were face to face. Well, behind the helmet.

"And you are?" There was something of a satisfied chuckle from the injured pilot even though he was positively terrified and Ren could feel it. "Doesn't matter who I am." The pilot replied, smiling so Ren could see the blood on his teeth. "You won't get anythin' out of me."

 

Upon closer inspection, he was quite young, maybe twenty two or twenty three, pale with icy blue eyes and dark hair.

"Funny. The other pilot said the same." He was referring to Poe. "And I cracked him like an egg."

"Kill me if you want." The pilot hissed back. He was brave, Ren would give him that. "You're gonna do it anyway. But I'm tellin' you sweet fuck all."

"We'll see." Ren's hand rose to the pilot's head and started to comb through memories. He saw a base, ships, droids, people. That was all. No clue to a location. It seemed he'd had a certain amount of mind protective training.

He was about to start a more painful process of literally tearing out the information he sought but another memory called to him. Something less recent, less than a year old.

 

He saw green. Plush and plentiful. A ship was waiting. A child's voice, a little boy's, echoed through it.

"Don't go! Please don't go!"

"I'll be back soon, Von, I promise." The tender voice of a female. He focused more; he couldn't make her out. It was like looking into a murky pond. He could see but he couldn't. The pilot's mind seemed to have had some resistance training but it was sloppy. "You'll be good, won't you? I promise I'll be back as soon as I can." She turned her attention to him: the pilot.

 

"Brom, I swear to fuck, if I come back and you're tangled up in somethin' illegal, I'll fuckin' crease you!" As she pulled him into a hug, he saw her face. The same face he had just left sleeping, that silver ponytail so soft that he could stroke it forever. Her voice was desperate, heartbroken.

"Please, mind yourself. And them. Be careful." Ren jolted himself back and Brom went in the opposite direction, back against the wall.

 

"Get what you were lookin' for?!" Brom seethed and now Ren could see it. How had he not recognized it before? The mannerisms, the temper, the accent, the subtle facial features. It was Normay's brother. Ren didn't answer. He turned on his heel and exited the cell.

 

"Well?!" Hux barked impatiently as soon as he saw his colleague.

"No one is to go in there until I return." Ren instructed with force as he started down the corridor. "He's useful." Whether or not Brom was useful, he didn't know. But Normay had to know her brother was on board.

\----------------------------------------------------

Normay woke with an inexplicable sense of unease. The base was strangely quiet as she wandered along the corridors, something leading her to the bridge. When she got there, she leaned over the railings to find herself confronted with the sight of an unmasked Kylo Ren face to face with a man with grey hair.

 

"REN!" His face had been sober and cold before he heard her. And now that he had, it had softened and his gaze had shifted to the railings. The man he was with noticed it to.

" _The hell?!_ " Han breathed, his eyesight hadn't improved with age but he'd know that silver flag of a ponytail anywhere. _"Normay?"_ Ren's eyes traced briefly back to his father, confusion marring his features.

 

Normay didn't ask for an explanation. She made for the closest exit down onto the bridge, high heels pounding and hurting like no one's business but she ignored it just now. Carefully, she moved onto the platform where the familiar pair were waiting, seemingly dumbstruck, for her.

 

"Han…" She breathed, brushing past Ren and staring down the older man, bewildered. "What are you doing here?!"

"I could ask you the same damn thing!" He retorted gruffly, somewhat distracted from the seriousness of the situation by the girl he'd known since before she was born. "Wearing that?!" He was referring to the First Order uniform.

"Han, I-"

"Do you know what your mom and dad would say if he saw you now?! Wearin' a damn First Order uniform?!"

"I did what I had to do, Han!" Normay barked back, having found herself again. The mention of her parents had rattled her but she was still the no-shit-taker he'd pegged her at at four. "I wasn't gonna let them fuckin' starve! And what are doin' here?!"

 

Han wasn't blind but he could see the undeniable soft spot in his son for the silver haired female. They'd met on a First Order ship of all places.

"Remember I told you about Ben?!" He gestured sarcastically her and Ren. "Ben. Normay. Normay. Ben." Normay's body turned slowly to stare down the man in black behind her. The one she knew as Kylo Ren.

_"What?!"_

"May, I swear I was going to tell you."

 _"Fuckin' when,_ _ **BEN?!"**_ Han crossed his arms and listened. He'd predicated that too. Normay would be well able for Ben.

 

"Look, we can fight later or you can kiss and make up later….." Normay's face flashed in a blush. "But right now, we gotta get outta here. You." He pointed along to the other edge of the bridge where Chewie was waiting. "Are coming with us. I ain't meeting Terry on the other side and tellin' him I left you here. So…." He cast his son a solemn but questioning look.

 

"You comin' or stayin'?" Ben hesitated until Normay turned back to face him, the same question in her face.

"I'm not goin' without you. But I really don't wanna die here." How could he say no to that? Taking hold of her hand, Ben gave it a squeeze and though the light was slowly draining from the sky, Ben could feel it start to flood back into him. He'd have the added drama of Finn and Rey later but as long as he had Normay, he'd cope.

"Let's go."

"Good. Your mother would've kicked my ass if I came back without you."

\----------------------------------------

" _You shoulda' seen her, Leia." Han remembered saying, sitting down at his kitchen table and resting his head in his hands. "She was so pale…. So still…. I don't know what I'd do if somethin' like that happened to Ben…."_

_\----------------------------------------_

Kylo Ren had lain in the snow for some time. He ached all over, frost bite threatened to eat away at him each second if he was not moved soon. Barely alive, he felt himself being picked up and placed into the warmth of a ship. He felt the bed underneath him, he heard the roar of the engines and then he realized he was safe.

 

Safe and all as he was, his body temperature was dangerously low, on the cusp of hypothermia and his injuries made survival look doubtful. Consciousness was not a priority. He did, however, get snippets of sound in between his blackouts. Two voices he knew only too well. One cruel and distinguished. The other rough and brash.

 

" _Remember, doctor. He dies so do you."_

 _"Well then maybe you should have abducted an actual medic, you fuckin' idiot!"_ As the days (?) progressed, Ren's consciousness was still fitful but he appeared to be stabilizing with the care he received from beyond the dark of his eyelids. She may not have been a medic but she did what she could out of love. When his consciousness did return to him, however briefly, he always fought to open his eyes, to speak or even just to see her but none of his efforts prevailed. He'd hear things when he was semi awake, usually Normay.

 

" _I swear to fuck, if you touch me there one more fuckin' time, I'll break every bone in your fuckin' hand."_ No context but concerning all the same.

Or: " _What part of 'Fuck off. I'd rather live inside a dead tauntaun for the rest of my fuckin' life' don't you understand?"_

Or: " _You're being unreasonable, Normay."_

 _"No. If I was being unreasonable, I'd have fuckin' scalped that ginger head of yours by now. Don't fuckin' test me, Hux."_ If she was more aggressive, it was because he drove her to it. Right?

 

 

Normay fended off the General on her own though she spent the vast majority of her time at Kylo Ren's side waiting for him to wake like a loyal friend would. Since Hux discovered her secret, he was insufferable. She barely had an hour when he wasn't pestering her and her threats got more and more intense. When Ren finally did wake, he was set upon with the tightest hug he had probably ever received. If he hadn't been so sore, he would have returned it gladly.

 

"Ow! May, off! Off! Oww! OWW!"

"Sorry!" She whimpered, drawing back but leaning forward again after a few seconds, just to be close to him.

"Jesus Christ, you scared me." The scar on his face didn't seem so prominent when his face was motionless but now that he was awake and speaking, it creased into his face in a way that he could probably feel. "I've missed you so much." She told him quietly; silently grateful that he'd woken. For a while it looked like he wouldn't.

 

"I could hear you jumping down Hux's throat." He told her with approval but didn't get the usual triumph they both shared when one of them bested the General. Instead of anger flaring in her face as usual when his name was mentioned, it was something that looked like pain. "Something about living in a dead tauntaun for the rest of your life? What could he possibly have said to you?"

"It's complicated, I'll explain later. You should rest. If he hears us, he'll come in. I've only just gotten fuckin' rid of him." Ren lay back in the bed and gazed up at her. She did the same back down to him, adjusting her hand on the bed to cover his and give it a light squeeze. Something was niggling at him though. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"There's something different about you." Ren told her cryptically which made her cock her head to the side in what would have been an adorable fashion.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"You seem tired. Like something's draining you."

"You mean like Hux? Just bein' around him is a fuckin' trial."

"No, something else. Like something's literally draining you." Normay hesitated. Maybe this wasn't the best time to tell him but he seemed to have it (or something) figured out.

"Yeah, that might have somethin' to do with the fact that I'm pregnant, Ren."

 

 

Ren stared at her, his heart having frozen over almost like the rest of him.

 

"You're what?"

"I'm pregnant. It means-"

"I know what it means. How?"

"Well, when a man and a woman both have stressful jobs, sometimes they-"

"May. Who?"

"Fuckin' guess, Ren. Guess who fuckin' knocked me up."

"No..."

"That's what I said too but with a few more choice words thrown in." The pair lapsed into silence. It wasn't what he'd wanted to hear upon waking up, or ever, now that he thought about it. Hux had said Normay belonged to him and this wouldn't be a reminder she'd soon forget. Kylo Ren moved his hand under her's. She was about to pull it away, sensing unease but he enveloped it in his instead.

 

"You get that this just kinda happened, right?" Normay broke the silence but spoke quietly. "It wasn't supposed to but it did. I was probably pregnant when I met you... I just... didn't realize it." Ren didn't respond as such. He simply looked down at her hand in his and gently stroked her paler skin with his thumb.

 

"Are you happy?" Normay considered the question but more importantly, she considered her answer and its implication.

"This was an accident." She answered carefully. "But... I love this little accident. Every day I can feel it gettin' bigger and stronger - I hate callin' it 'it' - And I just have this overwhelmin' urge to protect it. Obviously, if I could change some things I would. The timin' and the father are fairly shit, those things. I'll get by though. It'll be fine." Another silence.

"Does he know?" The silver haired female sighed and Ren immediately regretted asking the question.

"He knows. He caught on quicker than I thought he would. He's more observant than I realized. Look." Normay gently took her hand back and stood up. She took a few paces back so he could see her fully and he saw it. She was curvy anyway but now that curve on her stomach was more defined, solid.

 

"What did he say?" She'd sat down on the bed now beside him rather than on the chair.

"The tauntaun thing..." She replied, watching the door in case Hux came back. "He keeps askin' me to marry him. He said it would be better for us, for the baby, for his career... Not that I give a shit about him or his fuckin' career."

"You're not going to do it though?"

"Yes. Purely to smother him on the wedding night." She raised an eyebrow at him with a taint of amusement and a one sided smirk. "I'm not marryin' that prick, Ren. I thought you knew me better than that."

"I have sustained serious injuries. My judgement might be a bit off." He commented in a playfully dry manner, picking her hand back up and closing his eyes.

"I know. Jesus Christ, I'm amazed you're fuckin' alive. Blaster to the side? Various saber burns? Borderline hypothermia? What the fuck, Ren, seriously."

"I couldn't leave you on your own, could I?" She had to laugh at his confidence.

"You're some smooth bastard. Defyin' death just for me." He responded by pressing a kiss to her hand and settled down against the bed, still holding her hand in his. "He won't let you rest for very long." The playfulness had seeped out of her voice now which led him to opening one eye to look at her. "He's been waitin' for you to wake so you can go to Snoke."

 

 

"Have you considered it?"

"You haven't given me time to stop fuckin' considerin' it, have you?" He'd cornered her down the corridor from Ren's room while he prepared to visit his master.

"So you have an answer?"

"Fuck, Hux. I've been giving you answers since you first popped the fuckin' question! It's not the one you want and it's not fuckin' changin'!" Normay went to walk back to her room but found her wrist enclosed by the General's powerful hand. "I swear to fuck..."

"I don't think you understand just what's going on here-"

"Oh I get it!" Normay spat with venom, not bothering to embarrass herself by struggling. He was stronger than her and she knew it. "You don't like that someone's tellin' you you can't fuckin' have somethin'!" She wasn't wrong. He yanked her closer towards him by her wrist and held her fast as his cold blue eyes stared into the grey of hers.

"If I have to drag you back to Arkanis-"

"Oh OF COURSE you live on fuckin' Arkanis!" Normay exclaimed with a frustrated roll of her eyes, it would make sense that he would choose to set up his home where the Imperial troops were trained. It proved he had nothing else in his life. "Fucks sake, it doesn't get much fuckin' sadder than that! And for the record, draggin' me anywhere ain't a good fuckin' trait in an engaged couple! Just in case you didn't fuckin' know!" His free hand went to her blossoming bump and her own free hand lashed out.

 

"I told you not to fuckin' touch me there!"

"You need to start thinking about doing what's right!"

"If I was concerned with doin' what was right, I'd have smothered you in your fuckin' sleep months ago! Or just not even looked at you in the fuckin' first place!"

"You have a duty to the First Order!" Whatever about Arkanis, that made her laugh. Cold, vicious and condescending with a smirk to match. Right into his pallid face.

"The First Order? Are you for fuckin' real? I have no allegiance to the First Order and I certainly don't have any to you. And in case you missed it? Your own fuckin' base crumbled from under you." She watched with satisfaction as the realization crept into his eyes and his grip on her wrist loosened somewhat so she snatched it back. "The First fuckin' Order is gone. You are no longer my General. I have no duty of any sort of care to you anymore. So fuck the First Order. Fuck you and fuck your shitty proposals!"

\---------------------------------------------------

When his mother entered, his vision slowly dragged to her and held but didn't offer an explanation. Normay stirred at the opening of the door and went to pull away but Ben kept her close. Leia didn't know what she wanted to say. She didn't know how to take his sudden appearance and this woman concerned her on another maternal level.

 

"So…. You came home." The General spoke first as Normay slowly woke up.

"I did."

"Why?"

"Isn't that what you wanted? When you sent him?" Leia felt bile rise in her throat. How dare he? "You ok?" He asked his companion quietly as she woke fully, temporarily ignoring his mother.

"I'm fine…." Normay glanced and found they weren't alone. Slowly pulling herself out of Ben's arms, he reluctantly let her go and looked back to the General.

"I want to speak to you, Ben." It was somewhat steely with an edge of seclusion to the woman on the bed beside her son.

"Anything you say to me can be said in front of her. You found the General?"

"We did." Leia answered, drawing herself up to her full height. It didn't make sense. Why would he hand over his colleague? "He has woken up though not worse for wear. He keeps punching the wall of his cell." Ben looked sideways at Normay with a small smirk though Leia had no idea why.

"What did you do to him?"

"Crowbar to the back of the head."

"I see…."


	13. You Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia helps Ben realize his mistake. Typical mother-son stuff despite the last fifteen years or so. He makes a decision from that on his own.

"Ben? Ben?!" Ben jerked out of his train of thought and found himself at the mercy of his mother's disapproving gaze.

"I'm listening."

"So what did I say?"

"Crystal for Rey's saber." Leia arched an eyebrow; cast a look at the scavenger girl sitting beside Ben then back to her son.

"We can leave it there for now. When the Falcon's ready to go again, Rey; Luke and Chewie will go with you." Rey got up to leave, as did Ben but his mother had other plans. "Ah! Sit down!" Ben grudgingly sat, despite the obvious height advantage over the General. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." Ben replied like a sullen teenager. Leia wasn't convinced.

"Ben. Out with it. Now."

"It's nothing. Normay's mad at me, that's all."

"And what did you do?" Ben didn't reply, merely sat in the office with a blush creeping into his cheeks. _He couldn't tell her what happened!_ "I like that girl, Ben." Leia began, hands clasped on the desk in front of her. "She's reasonable. She's not going to be mad at you for nothing. What did you do?" Again, Ben didn't answer. He did everything he could to resist eye contact.

"I'm trying to help you, Ben." She should have seen it sooner. "Oh."

"Yeah." Uncomfortable silence.

"Ben, I'm going to ask you a personal question…"

"Mom, no-"

"Not that personal." Ben ran a hand through his hair, a sign he wasn't going to interrupt. "Ben, do you love Normay?" He stared at his mother as if she had just asked what colour the sky was.

"What? More than anything in the galaxy, I can't even-"

"Okay, Ben. Does she know?"

"Of course she knows!"

"And how does she know? Have you told her?" Things were beginning to click into place for the former Kylo Ren.

"I…. I haven't…"

"There are enough Force sensitives on this base, Ben." Leia began with something of an understanding smile. "But Normay, wonderful and all as she is, isn't one of them. She can't read minds." Ben stared, dumbfounded. _How could she not know?!_ The male had never gotten out of a chair so fast nor sprinted quite so purposely out onto the landing strip, narrowly missing Poe and Finn entwined in something else romantic.

 

* * *

 

 

"May?" Ben closed the door behind him and found she wasn't in the living area or the kitchen. It didn't even occur to him to check her pulse. That was a Kylo Ren thing to do. "May, whe-" He found her in the bedroom. Fully dressed with the bed sheets changed and the ones from last night bundled up into her arms to be washed.

"Hey."

"Hi." Came the testy reply as she stalked past him, out of the bedroom and stuffed the sheets into the laundry bag to be washed later. He wasn't sure how to proceed from here. He hadn't moved from the bedroom doorway and almost shrunk back when she passed him again. This time, she was folding clean clothes and putting them into drawers. The things no one else would do; the things she did while Ben was out trying to mend his reputation. Or rather build a new one.

"So…. I was uh... Talking to my mom…."

"And?" She had her back to him, he couldn't see her face nor could she see his.

"And…. She thinks that you think that I don't love you." Normay stopped folding; in fact she threw down the trousers (his) currently in her hands and turned around with her arms folded over her chest.

"So you're sayin'…. What?" Still testy. Ben swallowed and decided to take his life in his hands. Carefully, Ben crossed the room, wrapped his arms around Normay's waist and drew her into him but she remained unmoved. For now.

"What I'm saying is…." He pressed his forehead against hers. "I love you. So fucking much, you've no idea. There's no way I could've left the Order, left the Dark if I didn't. That was all you." That worked and it was all the truth. Normay's features had softened significantly and uncrossed her arms to link them around Ben's back. The female's soft silver gaze drifted to the warmer brown one of her partner and any doubt niggling at her was washed away.

"So last night…."

"Couldn't have done that without you either."

"You asshole!" Normay laughed, giving him a playful slap on the arm as Ben swooped her up and pushed his lips to hers though both of them were still giggly.

"I love you." He told her again, hesitantly drawing his lips from hers. "And there won't be a day goes by that you won't hear it."

"I know." Normay replied sweetly, gently nuzzling her nose in against his neck. "I love you too."

 

* * *

 

 

"Where's the lightsaber?"

_"Hidden."_

"Where?"

_"You don't need to know that."_

"Yes, I do."

_"Why?"_

"Because I do."

 _"You asked me to hide it where you wouldn't find it and I did. You asked me to do it for a reason."_ Ben looked his naked partner over and while he valued her devotion to the request, he needed the lightsaber.

"May?"

_"Mmm?"_

"I need the lightsaber." Normay's eyes opened and she slowly scooted across the short, empty space between them, despite the tangle of the sheets.

 _"I only changed these sheets today."_ She sighed sleepily with one arm outstretched; she draped it over Ben's shoulder while her bare chest lay against his. Her eyes closed again, exhausted.  _"Why do you need the saber?"_ Needless to say, Ben did his utmost to maximise the physical contact by kissing the skin of her arm closest to his face and trailing his fingertips up and down her back.

"They… Luke and Rey… They want me to go after Snoke with them." Those silver eyes snapped open.

"When?"

"When Rey is ready, I guess. It shouldn't be too long; we can't give the Order time to rebuild."

"So…. Are you one of them now or….?"

"Wouldn't it be better if I was?"

"Of course. I just mean, is that it? Suddenly everyone's gonna start treatin' you differently rather than shunnin' you?"

"I doubt it." Ben mused, still tracing his fingertips on Normay's raw back and into her hair; it was oddly relaxing for both of them. "Luke understands. Rey does too but not as much. He understands the struggle, the pull between light and dark; he's felt it himself. He's knows I didn't kill my father. My mother does too but the others…. As far as they know, I killed Han. Not Ren. With them, there's no difference between me and him. I don't think they'll ever see me for who I am. All they'll ever see is the man who killed Han Solo." Dejection always seeped into Ben's tone when he talked about his father. It was a sore subject and the attitude of people on the base really didn't help.

"Ben, they don't understand the Force. They don't understand what it can do to a person, you can't blame them for that but if they're not listenin' to Luke and your mother, you can't make them. No one can. Maybe it'll just take time." He doubted it but she was trying hard to make him feel better. "I'll get the saber tomorrow." She promised him quietly, brushing her lips lightly against his. "If you want me to hide it again after, I will."

"Where did I even find you?" He asked affectionately, stroking her cheek with the thumb of his free hand.

"On Finalizer. Fuckin' your boss."

"Dammit, May. Way to kill the mood." Both subsided into laughter again; their story truly was unique.

"What's it matter?! I'm fuckin' you now! Rub that in his face the next time you see him!"

"I hear he has a beard now." The thought of her pristine ex-lover with a beard was too much.

"Fuck off!" Normay had to breathe through her cackles. "That's too funny. Fuck, I'd love to see that. Fuckin' moron, what did he think was gonna happen?!"

"He's just rotting down there. It's kinda sad really."

"Sad? Are you for real? The prick left blood spatter from my lip on my dinin' room table! Sad, my hole!"

"You have such a way with words. So poetic."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't have been so entertainin' on Starkiller if I wasn't would I?"

"No, probably not." The couple were quiet once more but Ben's mouth was dry. Normay's eyes had closed again but he knew she was just resting; it wasn't a signal to be left alone. "Luke and Chewie are taking Rey to find a crystal for her lightsaber in the next few days. It'll take another few days for her saber to be complete so she'll train with Luke's; sparring with me which is why I need mine."

"Just go easy on her. She's a nice girl; she's had some major shit in her life. And don't let her scar your face anymore."

"I thought you liked the scar?"

"I do, love, but fucks sake, you nearly lost an eye."

"When Rey is ready, we're going for Snoke. We know where to find him. Poe was able to pull the coordinates Hux put in our ship before I changed them." Ben continued; his nerves climbing. "May?"

"Mmm?"

"Open your eyes." She did. Ben was staring at her.

"What's the matter?"

"I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"I'll wait."

"May, when I come back... Will you marry me?" Normay's initial answer was silent but most definitely a yes when she captured Ben's lips in a sweet, adoring kiss.

"Course I will!"


	14. Jealousy and Testosterone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben interrogates his old General and gets in a few digs of his own when he realizes his obsession with Normay still lives. Normay meets Rey and Ben leaves to face Snoke.

"Wow. They said you looked rough but this is just….." Ben stood over his former colleague, scrutinizing his once pristine appearance. Hux sat sullenly on the floor of his cell that had been home for more than three weeks now. The redhead's hair had grown out and a significant ginger beard dominated his lower jaw. He scratched at it often in Ben's presence; finding it itchy after being clean shaven for so long.

"What do you want, Ren?" The bearded male asked with disinterest; if he hadn't seen Ben with his helmet off before, he would have assumed this to be a completely different person.

"Actually, it's Ben now." The younger male replied casually as he leant against the wall by the door. Unlike Hux, he could walk through that door whenever he wanted. Dressed in khaki cargo pants and a cream linen shirt, he could not have looked less like Kylo Ren. Ben was not here on a social or a reminiscing visit. With Rey, Luke and Chewie gone to find a crystal for the new saber, the last Solo was given another task: Finding out about Snoke's defences. "I just wanted to see how you were, make sure you were eating, ask you a few things, that's all." Hux rightly regarded Ben with suspicion.

"My wellbeing is not your priority, Ren. I wouldn't put it past you to come down here to gloat but you would have done it sooner if that was the case. What. Do. You Want?!" Ben cleared his throat and leaned off the wall. Hux was neither cuffed nor tethered, he could easily have attacked Ben but it seemed he knew better.

"Ben." Ben corrected him again but he should have guessed that Hux would refuse to use the name. "I want you to tell me about Snoke's defences." Ben had never heard Hux laugh. But now that the cold, cruel sound rang in the cell, Ben realized he had been lucky. How had Normay coped with him for so long? A question for her for later. The darker haired of the two males waited until his ginger counterpart's glee subsided.

"And what makes you so delusional?!" Hux almost choked out the words, having spoken and certainly not laughed so little since his arrival; he had almost forgotten how.

"We spent long enough on Finalizer and on Starkiller." Ben began ominously, taking a few steps around the meagre foot space of the cell. "You've seen me tear apart people's minds to get what I want. You know what I can do. Why are you so confident that I won't do it to you?" The older male was marginally taken aback but didn't show it.

"Even if I knew what you want to know; that sounds like a very Kylo Ren tactic to me." Ben bit back the urge to retaliate either physically or verbally and remembered:

 _"Get in, find out what you need."_ Normay's advice rang in his head from that morning. _"Don't listen to anythin' he says; don't let him get under your skin. Get outta there and get your arse home to me."_ He would do just that.

"I was going in there blind, just like you were. He was expecting us, he wouldn't have had defences." Hux brought him back to the task at hand. "Tear open my head if you wish. But I'll be no good to you in the future if you do." Somehow, Ben knew he wasn't lying. In all the (painful) time he'd spent around Hux, he knew the man was incapable of hiding anything. That had been proven the day Ben saw Normay for the first time. Hux's vile thoughts and desires had been on full display. As much as it might have been an excuse to keep Ben out of his head, Hux was right. And he wouldn't stray into that territory again.

 

"Where is Normay?"

"Funny. Everything that's happened and that's what you ask."

"Where is she?" Ben Solo watched the intensity of the redhead's expectancy of an answer. It was almost pitiful but Ben would never forget the split lip, the sore jaw and the bruised eye his beloved Normay had sported because of this man. Any pity was quickly forgotten.

"Let _me_ ask _you_ something." Ben wished there was a chair. He didn't want to sit on the death trap of lethal springs and thin fabric that Hux called a bed.

"What was the point? She was always going to be too good for you. It wasn't going to last and then you went and did the stupidest thing of all and put a hand on her?" Ben was incredulous, fighting to keep himself cool at the reoccurring thought of Normay in pain. "What was the plan?" Hux looked across and his icy eyes found Ben's warmer ones.

"Fuck her until I got bored of her. And the grey little bitch would have taken it. Did you know she likes it from behind like a beast?" Ben felt his blood start to boil but he fought through it. He recalled what she said. She didn't say anything about not delivering a few digs of his own.

"She lost interest first though." The nasty curl of the redhead's pale lip was enough to tell him he'd struck a chord even if it was barely visible under all the ginger bristle. "Mmm….. Yeah, she told me you were watching us on the security cameras in the medical bay. The reason you hit her? All jealousy, Hux. You were jealous of _me_." The former General tensed and Ben could sense he was about to do something; his goadings continued nonetheless. "I think you knew it too. She told me what you used to say to her on the bridge. Making excuses to get her alone. Those were little desperate pleas for attention, weren't they? And hey, I can see why. The sex is fantastic." That was confirmation Hux hadn't wanted. He had been doing his utmost to avoid eye contact since Ben had retaliated so the other male wouldn't see the burning humiliation in his eyes."I lied when I said I had no interest in her. She was fascinating, still is. General Organa adores her. She lied to you about the pilot, by the way." Solo shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly but his tone was pointed; enjoying the subtle hints of fury and embarrassment the (ex) General was giving him. "She knew the data was being live streamed back to the Resistance. You sent them back one of their best pilots." It was too much. Hux jumped from the floor with a cry of rage and dived for the Knight but Ben was quicker. Maybe a Force hold to the throat (however light) wasn't the best option but it held the redhead for long enough. Their faces were close and it seemed their roles were reversed. While Kylo Ren had always been viciously passionate and Hux cool and collected; they had swapped now. Ben held his old colleague firm while Hux struggled in a vain attempt to get free and attack again.

 

 "She told me _everything_." Ben hissed coldly. "Why do you think we met every day in the med bay? Ate down there, sat down there together? She told me every sordid little detail, how she was getting bored. She didn't sleep with you after she saw my face, did she?" Maybe he was taking too much pleasure out of this. Maybe it was time to pull back. So he dropped Hux who scrambled away from him, holding his neck. "I'm glad she was getting bored of you. More room for me." Hux glowered at him from the floor but didn't answer. Ben turned back to the door and knocked to be left out. When it was opened, Ben was about to cross the threshold but stopped and looked back to the man still on the floor. "I asked her to marry me last week." He stepped out but dipped his torso back through the door. "She said yes." The roar of absolute frustration and loss that echoed not only in the cell but also down the corridor was delicious. Now _that_ was **satisfying.**

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Kitchen's probably closed." Ben observed, brow creasing into a frown as his cousin's stomach rumbled for the umpteenth time since training started. They were finished now and it was late.

"I'll be fine." Rey replied with a dismissive shrug with the full intention of going to bed hungry. "It's been worse." Ben hesitated, turning over his proposal in his head. Yes, there was a violent history between them (only in the last few months) but that was gone now. The only remnant of it was the scar on his face; incidentally given to him by the girl he walked with now. Rey listened to Luke closely enough to know there was little to nothing left of Kylo Ren. She trusted him enough when he explained about the pull of light and dark and what it could do to a person.

"You…. You could come home with me? May always makes too much. She says I'm too skinny." A mutual laugh lingered in the corridor at Ben's light tone and the small roll of his eyes. Rey had seen the silver haired female around the base but never spoken to her. She seemed strong, formidable but playful; exactly the kind of person she'd have expected her cousin to be with. Her unusual looks were a whole other story. She often saw them together (who hadn't?) and felt the pangs of loneliness from Jakku rise but hopefully, her time would come.

"I don't know, Ben…." Rey sighed with borderline worry.

"We're gonna be on this base for a while, wouldn't hurt to get to know people." That was his reasoning at least.

"Would she mind?"

"Nah, she's easy to get on with. She was best friends with Kylo Ren and put up with General Hux for months; I think she can deal with you. Come on."

 

* * *

 

 

The smell of food and within such a close reach almost drove Rey over the edge.

"May?" He held open the door for Rey who stepped into the unfamiliar surroundings and looked around uncertainly. Normay emerged from the bedroom and found herself faced with not one person but two. The scavenger girl.

"Hello." Normay greeted her kindly with a sweet smile but not enough to make her feel like a child, sensing the apprehension.

"The kitchen was closed by the time we were finished training." Ben spoke up to divert attention from his cousin. "So I told Rey…."

"Oh of course. Please, sit down….." One thing about Rosundans; even when they don't have much, they're willing to share it. Strong and formidable (Rey had guessed that correctly); wild to a degree but they were also gentle and generous. Always hospitable and hardworking. Humble and honourable. Their family was most often their priority. Normay was all these things and the combination made her a perfect partner for Ben. Rey set upon her meal when it was placed in front of her as if it was going to be her last. It somewhat concerned the older female sitting beside her. "Easy, love. There's plenty there, no time limit; I promise." Normay looked across at Ben who wasn't much better. Family trait, she assumed as she poked more civilly at her own dinner. "Yeer goin' to give yeerselves indigestion eatin' like that."

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Ben and Rey had succeeded in stuffing themselves, they just kind of sat there in a weird satisfaction while Normay cleared the plates. They sat in a companionable silence as if their feud and compressed identities had been a bad dream. Normay placed tea and a plate piled with different types of biscuits in the middle of the table with a murmured apology about the lack of variety in dessert. Neither of the Skywalker kin seemed to mind. Normay watched the pair with fascination over her own tea (she had declined on biscuits) as they dipped, chomped and talked like they had known each other all their lives.

"How are you feeling about all this, Rey?" Normay spoke, engaging the scavenger girl for the first time in proper conversation though she had been endeared enough by the groans of appreciation throughout the meal and the murmured thanks whenever something new was handed to her. The little interactions weren't lost on Ben. He noticed everything his partner did for his cousin. Even when they weren't speaking, the little smiles or gestures to make Rey feel more at ease. "This whole thing with Snoke? It's a big undertakin'…."

"Mmm….." The younger of the two girls swallowed her biscuit to answer much to Normay's amusement. Ben did that too. "Nervous." Was the honest answer and Normay believed it.

"I can imagine. It won't be easy but it'll be worth it." Her gaze directed to Ben across the table; dejected, he was trying to rescue a broken chunk of biscuit that had fallen into his tea. "Your big cousin will have your back anyway."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben had a hard time separating his lips from Normay's both in bed on the morning of departure and on the landing strip before he was due to board.

"You look like a Jedi." She told him playfully to hide the dread, fixing his brown robes as she did so.

"I just need to look the part." He replied mischievously before dropping his voice to murmur in her ear. " _But the celibacy part is gone._ " Even when his lips went back to hers, the urge to either laugh or cry was strong. She kept saying the same thing over and over.

"Promise me you'll come back." Every time he answered with the same thing.

"Course I will." They'd made a vow to each other after all. If he came back in one piece, she'd marry him. "I love you." He told her one more time, probably the millionth since that morning.

"I love you too." Again, her millionth response to him. They almost had to be pried apart by Rey for Ben to be herded onto the Falcon. Rey was given a warm hug and a tight squeeze by the silver haired female before she dragged Ben with her. " **MIND HER!"** His partner shouted after him, pointing to the girl who still held him by the arm. General Organa had appeared at her side.

"He'll be back." Leia told her though the lack of conviction didn't exactly give Normay confidence as she watched Ben painfully started up the ramp, lightsaber bouncing off his hip with every step. "He has Rey and Luke and Chewie. They'll work together."

Luke's gaze found his sister standing with the Rosundan girl; the one Ben had been stood beside when he saw him for the first time in years. Leia swore she was Ben's redemption, the key to Kylo Ren's undoing. It appeared she was. Leia looked back at her brother anxiously, realizing what he was looking at. There really was only one way to find out if Kylo Ren was truly gone.


	15. Victory Short Lived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, Rey, Luke and Chewie return from facing Snoke. Ben discovers what happened while he was gone and is doing his best to cope. Not just for his sake, but Normay's too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case I haven’t addressed this already, I’m writing this under the premise that Rey is Luke’s daughter. Until (or if) we’re told otherwise, that’s the theory I’m subscribing too. But if you want to go with Rey being a Kenobi, that’s cool too. Family don’t end in blood. :)

Victory. Glorious victory. When the four had combined forces, they were unstoppable. Three lightsabers and a bow blaster with their four dedicated owners had won out and even more satisfyingly, the two cousins had worked together tirelessly to deliver the final, crushing blow. Pride, relief, joy and triumph were thick in the air of the Millennium Falcon on the return journey. Ben had spent some time alone in one of the compartments, letting it all sink in. Not only had he killed his master; he was free. The dark was gone, so was Kylo Ren. Ben Solo smiled when he remembered the promise. _He was getting married._ Married to the one who had feared him, the one who had befriended him when no one else could. Married to the one who had turned him without either of them realizing it, the one who had started both his physical and emotional road to recovery after the battle in the woods. Normay, the one who he already knew loved him unconditionally. If unconditional didn’t cover everything he’d done, he didn’t know what the word meant. And she was marrying _him._ Ben left the compartment where he found Rey on her way back to the pilot’s console.

 

“Hey.” He called her lightly and inclined with his head to double back. She did.

“What is it?” She asked, it seemed her grin had been a permanent fixture since the win.

“Guess what?”

“What?!” It was a sweet giggle and it occurred to him that they had missed out on so much in their years apart.

“I’m getting married.” Rey stared, frozen in delightful disbelief.

 _“What?!”_ Ben had to laugh too; it just felt so right to be able to express this, to share it with someone. Who better than Rey?

“May said that if I came back in one piece that she’d marry me! Can you believe it?!” Rey almost hurt his ears with the elated squeal and almost knocked him over when she jumped at him but he caught her and pulled her into a tight hug. Rey had never had a family. She had spent years waiting on Jakku in vain until Finn dragged her on the adventure of a lifetime. It couldn’t have been coincidence that she had not only found her true calling but also her family and all thanks to an ex-Stormtrooper. She had found her father, her aunt, her cousin, Chewie, Poe, Finn and Normay. Not all were related by blood but they were family nonetheless.

“You’re getting married!”

“I’m getting married!”

“Normay’s going to be my cousin!”

“She’s gonna be your cousin!”

“You’re going to have babies!!”

“Let’s calm down with the B word, Rey….” Still ecstatic from the news and sharing it, both Ben and Rey walked to the console together. He’d never thought about a family with May until Rey mentioned it. Normay _was_ the maternal kind; the strong, vicious sort who no one would dare mess with her children but he had no doubt would adore them to no end. Much like his own mother. Would Ben have liked a family? To be a father? He knew it would be difficult but he’d heard it was more than worth it.

 

 

Luke regarded them somewhat soberly when they entered the main console of the Falcon though the two were still merry, both from accomplishment and Ben’s news.

“It seems you have a decision to make.” The Jedi told his former pupil, having turned in his seat from beside Chewie. Ben’s smile faltered significantly but a ghost of it remained, mostly out of confusion.

“Do I?” Luke stood to face his nephew and Rey’s gaze switched between the two with something akin to dread. Ben stood firm though. “And what might that be?”

“We can ignore your digression if you choose.” He was referring to the years he’d spent as Kylo Ren. “Your training can pick up where you left off. I’m sure Rey wouldn’t mind a training partner….” Rey said nothing when she was mentioned. “And you can become a Jedi as you intended to.” Ben didn’t need to think about it.

“No.” Luke’s expression was no longer sober. It had slowly changed into something of surprise and indignation. “I won’t give up what I have.” Ben continued, strong in that resolve and nothing would sway it. “I love May. I’m marrying her. I want to have a family with her. If I become a Jedi, I can’t do that. So my answer is no.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

As the Falcon touched down after several hours, Ben and Rey looked at each other. They were finally home. Exhausted but still on a high, the pair left the cabin together and headed for the ramp. It was dark when they descended but a number of people had turned out to welcome them back from their conquest. Rey was tackled into a crippling hug from Poe and Finn simultaneously as Ben looked around for that familiar silver head.

“Where is she?” He murmured mostly to himself as Rey reappeared at his side, noticing her cousin’s loneliness. “She said she’d be here.”

“It’s quite late….” Rey tried to reassure him but she herself felt an unease. “Maybe it was the fatigue….?”

“Maybe….” It was no secret on the base anymore that the psychologist was prone to sudden waves of sickness and exhaustion out of nowhere. It was a side effect of the blood disease; he couldn’t be angry with her for it, it wasn’t her fault.

“Ben?”

“Mom.” Even though much taller than her, Ben took one of the many hugs he’d been deprived of for years. There was something in her voice, something in the way she held him that made him nervous, that sense of anxiety starting to climb.

“I need you to come with me, sweetheart.”

“But where’s….”

“Just come with me, Ben.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Leia didn’t explain; merely led a confused and somewhat frightened Ben towards the main building of the Resistance Base. Rey had followed out of concern and neither Ben nor Leia stopped her.

“Mom, what’s….”

“Ben, please…” He didn’t even realize where his feet were carrying him; he just followed the smaller woman without even realizing his cousin was at his side. Leia took him to the place where he and Normay had been brought on their first day on the base: The medical unit.

  _“No….”_ The first heartbroken whisper ripped at Leia like a dagger. _“No, no, no, no, no……”_ Ben thundered in behind the clear glass pane and just stopped dead of the metal table. Trembling fingers ran through the silvery waves he had looked in the meagre crowd for and he bit his lip to restrain whatever was trying to break free; a scream, a cry, a roar, he didn’t know. Pale and still with her eyes closed; this was his worst nightmare. The only thing that assured him she was still with him was the machine beeping behind him but he could feel her pulse itself, as if it called to him, weak and all as it was. Ben stroked her hair and held her hand with his free one and leaned his face down close to hers as his eyes started to water.

 “I found her like that.” General Organa spoke up before Ben could ask. “I went to check on her yesterday, make sure she was alright….” Her voice sounded like it would crack; the situation was upsetting enough but Ben’s reaction was too much for her. Still, what could be expected? Rey was no better than Leia. She watched her heartbroken cousin with devastation of her own. “She relapsed.” His mother continued though she didn’t know how. “The medic said he was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner….” Ben physically couldn’t bring himself to tear away from his fiancé. All sorts of things were going through his head: What if he hadn’t left? What if she was worrying about him and brought this on? What if she didn’t wake up?

 

“She…. She’s going to be okay, isn’t she?” Ben croaked, directing his blood shot eyes up to his mother who stood a few feet away.

“They don’t know, Ben.” Leia answered with a despairing shake of her head.

“But she’s beaten it before…. She can do it again, right?” This was the worst part.

“Ben…. Going by the tests they did on her before and after she collapsed….. They’ve concluded that waking up a second time isn’t a strong possibility…. The internal scarring from the first fever weakened her too much; she had no defence when it came a second time….” Ben’s devastated sniffles were the only sound save for the routine beeping of the monitor behind him as he nudged her cheek with his nose, a silent plea for her to open her eyes. She didn’t.

 

* * *

 

 

The days turned into weeks and Normay was no worse but no better either. Every day he rose at dawn with no encouragement from a light, fitful slumber and he seemed to automatically end up in the medical unit. There he sat for hours; stroking her hair, talking to her or just sitting watching her. Naturally, he told her several times every day how much he loved her. He had brought things from home; her own nightdresses and blankets mainly, to spare her from the itchy, coarse material of the ones in the medical bay that no doubt irritated her soft, delicate skin. He brought a few ornaments too, the ones he knew she liked though it was hard to make the white, sterile environment more homely. Ben didn’t leave until night time, which meant he only ate when Rey brought him something. She too would sit and watch the silver haired female, usually in silence until she needed to return to training. Ben remembered Normay’s memory before they arrived on the base. He remembered the concern in his father’s face, the relief when he saw her greeting Chewie. He had seen her the way she was now; he too had feared the worst. When Ben returned home after dark, he crawled into the bed that somehow felt smaller now. Sometimes he’d cry, sometimes he’d just lie there with the nightdress he’d dug out of the laundry basket and curl up with it. He’d sleep for a few hours then go and do it all again: Sit, wait, hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a better Valentine’s than Ben!!


	16. If She Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben isn't coping without Normay. Rey overhears a devastating conversation. Ben tries not to lash out but doesn't really succeed. Leia starts to get her baby back.

"It's been three weeks…."

"Feels longer." Rey watched her cousin with the same worry his mother did.

"Why don't you go home? Get some proper sleep and I'll stay here."

"Can't." He still held the sandwich she gave him but had not unwrapped it. He returned to the chair beside Normay's bed (she had been moved from the observational table a few days after her arrival and into a more long term resting area) and resumed the comforting strokes to her hair. It was comforting for him; according to the medic, she couldn't feel anything.

"She wouldn't want you cooped up like this. Barely sleeping? Barely eating? She'd be very upset and you know it!" Ben was tired and hungry, the chair was uncomfortable and the smell of sterility gave him a small headache. But he wouldn't leave.

"We've been through this, Rey. I'm not moving. Remember when you destroyed me with a lightsaber you barely knew how to use? You know who healed me even though she didn't know how?" He nodded his head pointedly down at the pale, fragile female in the bed beside him. "May. She didn't leave me. When she found out I killed Han, she didn't leave me either. I shouldn't have gone; she might be awake if I didn't."

"Ben, she's sick! This isn't your fault! Besides, we couldn't have done it without you!" Ben pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead and breathed a lightly frustrated sigh.

"Don't you have training to go to?" He was upset. He was in denial. He was blaming himself. There was nothing that could have been done to prevent it and Rey had accepted the fact, she just wished her cousin would do the same.

 

* * *

 

 

 _"You promised me!"_ Came a vicious hiss from around the corner, causing Rey to slow her steps to nothing. _"You promised me she wouldn't get hurt!"_ Did she stay and listen? Risk getting caught? The door of an office was open and there was only one office down on this end….. "Three weeks, Luke! We've established Kylo Ren is gone, now you're just torturing him! And her!" Rey's hand crept to her mouth as realization hit her. _Normay_.

"She can't feel anything…." Rey didn't think she'd ever seen or heard General Organa lose her temper, she had always been a cool and collected leader but she sensed that the former princess was dangerously close now.

"Dammit Luke! It doesn't matter if she can feel anything or not! You promised me this would be over in a few days, a week tops!"

"I needed to make sure."

"Make sure? Have you seen him down there?! All he does is cry and cuddle her, dammit! I haven't seen any smashed up equipment or injured staff, have you?! You better fix this, Luke!" The ageing Jedi regarded his sister solemnly for a moment. Yes, his nephew had passed the test but Luke needed to be absolutely certain before he turned Ben Solo on the galaxy.

"I can't just _fix_ it. We have to wait."

" **Wait?!"** General Organa repeated incredulous. "What do you mean **WAIT?!"**

"She needs to come out of it herself." The sound of a chair legs scraping off the floor told her that they General had stood up and she wasn't pleased.

"Luke, you're my brother and I love you. But if I find out that this is because he chose her over you, I will have Chewie take you back to that island and leave you there! And if she dies? I'm telling Ben everything. I'll deal with my own consequences but I'm taking no blame for you!" 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey left before she could hear any more. She marched straight back to the hospital wing with her hand still clasped over her mouth. She was trying to control herself. _How could he do this?_ He knew what Normay meant to her, to Ben, to Leia and even Chewie. Ben was where Rey had left him; in the chair beside Normay's bed. One hand still rested in that mount of ashy silver while the other propped up his forehead on his thigh. However, when Rey came clamouring back into the room, Ben looked up; the threat of tears in his cousin's eyes made him frown and stand.

"What happened?"

 _"Luke!"_ Rey choked, pointing to the bed but the gesture and the name combined made no sense. #

"Luke? Rey, what?!"

"He did this!" There was silence for a moment. Stunned, confused silence.

"Start talking, Rey!" So she did. She told him everything. By the time she finished, the older male had gotten up and was pacing the room like a caged animal. "Where are they?"

"Ben….."

"Where are they, Rey?"

"Your mother's office." No sooner had the words left her mouth and Ben was at the door. He didn't know how he was so calm. For now.

"Stay here."

"Ben, please…."

"Stay here, Rey."

 

 

* * *

 

 

The walk to his mother's office seemed to drag by even though in reality it was only a few minutes. This fever, a reprise, had been brought on by his uncle in a 'controlled' fashion, no doubt from tampering with the Force that flowed through Normay. But now there wasn't even a guarantee she'd survive? While Luke had been able to bring it on, he had only done that. The rest had been left to her own body. She had kept it at bay this long but when it was left in, she couldn't defend herself.  _And his mother knew_. Maybe her behaviour the day he came back had been regret and maybe Luke had led her to believe that this was indeed a controlled situation. Luke was still suffering a barrage when he arrived at the office. His mother wasn't spouting anything he didn't know already. For a moment, Ben just leaned against the doorframe and waited. Leia spotted him first and cut herself off mid-sentence.

 

"Anything, Sweetheart?" The younger male was more interested in his uncle.

"What did you do to her?" Still keeping in check of himself, Ben's question was cuttingly casual but there were dangerous undertones to it. If he lost this restraint, Kylo Ren could take over. This was the _real_ test.

"Ben…." Leia began, dejected but Luke stopped her and turned to face his nephew. 

"I had no choice." The bearded Jedi spoke with conviction in his decision. "If he resurfaced under the pressure, there would be carnage. We would lose you all over again." "And what about her?!" Ben asked with his nostrils flared. He really was trying to hold his resolve. To keep calm for May's sake. But his uncle's attitude sickened him. As if the precious creature in the medical bay was nothing."One life is not worth many, Ben." Even Leia knew that was a stupid thing to say.

" _ **That's my fiancé!**_ " Ben snarled at his old mentor, not noticing how his mother's face changed. " _I think you're forgetting what happened t_ _o your own father._ " He could feel his grip slipping. Ben turned and headed for the door, needing to leave the situation. **" _If she dies, you WILL see Kylo Ren!"_**

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey had left without a word upon seeing her cousin's mood but she had stayed with Normay as he asked. Ben sat beside his partner's still lifeless form with his face in his hands. Facing Luke hadn't gone quite the way the he wanted. Then again, he hadn't expected for his uncle to be so cold. But what did he know of what it was to love someone? This whole thing was killing him. Not only did he not have May but the rising threat of Kylo Ren surfacing was more than he could bear. He wouldn't have Normay to bring him back. Ben felt a squeeze to his shoulder and a kiss to his temple.

 "You could have told me you were getting married." Leia breathed tenderly to her only child, lovingly stroking his head like she had done when he was younger and upset or worried or scared. He wasn't a child anymore but a man looking to embark on a family of his own.

 "We weren't going to tell anyone until I came back." Ben replied quietly, lifting his face from his hands to bring his gaze to his mother. "I told Rey when we were finished with Snoke but she was the only one who knew." Ben looked to Normay and bit his lip. He remembered the night before he left and the early morning. He remembered making love to her, he remembered talking about everything and anything just to hear her speak and commit her voice to memory, paying extra special attention when she told him at great lengths how much she loved him. He remembered lying impossibly close to her and feeling her breath on his collarbone when she did eventually fall asleep.In the morning, they found it exceptionally hard to let each other go. What if that was the last time any of those things happened? Leia knew the signs and took it upon herself to gather her son into her arms. The sudden feeling of understanding and compassion just caused Ben to crumble. " _What am I gonna do?"_ He wept into his mother's neck as she tightened her grip. _"What am I gonna do if she doesn't wake up?"_

"We'll figure it out, sweetheart." Leia replied, her own voice cracking as Ben's tears soaked into her clothes. "But she's still here. We won't write her off just yet, will we? She's stronger than that." While the situation might have been dire, it had been years since Ben and Leia had been this close or had this kind of contact. "We have to trust Luke." Leia continued though she knew it was the last thing Ben wanted to hear. "He's sure she'll come out of this, we just need to give her time."


	17. Over Here, Dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's fear of Kylo Ren grows every day so he asks something terrible of Rey.

_“Why are you so sad?”_

“Because everything is slipping away from me. I worked so hard to subdue to him, to beat him down, to kill him. But he’s rising. He’s rising because you’re not here.”

_“I’m still here. I told you I wouldn’t leave you.”_

“Are you in pain?”

 _“I don’t think so….”_  Ben looked up from his hands to his still pale and unmoving fiancé. Those little conversations that he forged in his head had become a small comfort to him. It was his way of coping; distracting himself from the rising threat of Kylo Ren. He had loved her as Kylo Ren though he didn’t understand it. But how could he? He left his parents before his teens to become a Jedi; with that path in mind, he was not taught about love. He had stalked her (without seeing the how it might make her uncomfortable), watched her and protected her (or tried to) when she had finally befriended him. The only one who didn’t make him feel like a monster on board. When he had seen her first; the General’s mind was unguarded against the filth he imagined and the vile things he would do once he got Normay alone. Ben had assumed this was nothing more than a pipedream, that the General wouldn’t be man enough to pursue Normay. When he had looked into her head that day and it had been confirmed, he wasn’t sure how to take it. Especially when they became friends and she divulged her relationship with the General in full. He learned it had been going on for months and had started a few days after she and Ren had faced each other on the bridge. It was as if Hux was nervous Ren would get there before him. Ben ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He knew he was crumbling. He knew Kylo Ren was waking and while she lay there, there was nothing she could do to bring Ben forward as she had done on the way here and as she had gradually done on Starkiller. Ben shakily got to his feet and perched himself lightly on the side of her bed. She sank slightly with his added weight to her mattress.

 

“May…” He just watched her for a while, stroking her hair lightly and holding her hand; it wasn’t an unusual action in the last few weeks. Four days since he had made the terrible discovery that his uncle was responsible for the way his future wife was now. If she made it that far. “Babe, if you can hear me, I need you to listen to me.” His eyes dropped and lingered on the finger he badly wanted to place a ring on. The engagement had been an agreed secret until Ben returned. He had intended on getting a ring but every time he mentioned it, she simply rolled her eyes with playful impatience, kissed him and declared that she didn’t need a round piece of metal with a stone in it to know he loved her. “I need you to come back.” He told her quietly, dipping his head so his forehead pressed lightly against hers. His thumb gently stroked the impossibly pale skin of her hand clasped in his as he took in the somewhat weaker scent of vanilla he always associated with the most important person in his life. “He’s coming back, May. I can feel it. We’ve worked too hard, both of us, to keep this from happening again. If he takes over…. I don’t want to think of what’ll happen. Someone will die, I know that much.” The scar that dominated his face had started to irritate him over the last few days.It had sat complacently on his face since he received it as if it had always been there. Those lucky enough to survive a saber burn were treated to an instant scar since the searing temperature of the blade sealed the wound immediately. His had given him no trouble aside from getting used to seeing it in the mirror. He took it as yet another indication that his alter ego was pushing the boundaries.

 

“May….” He called her again though it was a little more strained and desperate this time. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt. If he takes over on this base, he’ll kill a lot of innocent people. Or a lot of innocent people are going to kill me. I don’t want either of those things to happen. If you can fight, I need you to fight.” A tender kiss was placed to her lips and he found them lukewarm but grateful they weren’t cold. “When this is over, I’m taking you away from here. I’m gonna marry you like I said I would and we’ll live wherever you want to live. If you want to go back to Rosunda, we’ll go. I’ll do what I have to to make sure you’re comfortable for as long as you live, May. I fucking promise. But I can’t do that without you. I need you to fight.”

 

* * *

 

 

Rey didn’t knock anymore. She was family; Normay didn’t allow her to knock. She was expected to walk straight in, throw herself on the couch or go to the pantry or the toilet or whatever she wanted to do. There was only one downside to that and it had been the time the scavenger girl had accidentally heard some curious noises coming from behind the closed bedroom door. Needless to say, she made a hasty exit. Now though, Rey entered her cousin’s home and closed the door behind her gently and watched Ben with the utmost pity. He sat on the sofa, exhausted and dejected and staring into space. He didn’t notice Rey until she pulled him into a sideways hug. He didn’t really respond.

 

“Talk to me.” Rey encouraged softly, taking in her cousin’s almost gaunt appearance in the low light of the room and feeling a stab of pity.

“She’s not getting better.” Ben informed her emotionlessly, still staring at nothing. “She’s deteriorating. They’re not telling me, they’re afraid to but I can fucking see it.” Rey knew this to be true. General Organa kept close tabs on Normay’s progress (or lack thereof) and shared the delicate information with her niece. Of course it was difficult to see and digest but it cemented the possibility that losing Normay could actually happen. That wasn’t all that Leia shared with her now. She had confided in her about Normay’s condition and how it had come to be again; Rey confirmed she already knew. Her aunt assumed Ben had told her but was somewhat taken aback when Rey boldly told her that she had actually told Ben. Rey didn’t know whether or not to confirm Ben’s suspicions to him. They were more than suspicions. He could see it with his own eyes.

 

“Rey….” Ben began but seemed lost.

“I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything….” The younger female promised loyally but devastatingly confused.

“If something happens to me, I need to know that you’ll do what you have to.” Rey stared at him. _What? What was he asking her to do?!_

“Ben, I don’t….”

“I’m losing my grip, Rey. With Normay the way she is, he’s winning. He’s taking over. Even if she doesn’t die, she’s not around to help me. She was the only thing keeping him in place and with her gone, he’s getting stronger. I can feel it even now.” Rey’s face fell. Ben had been redeemed. He had earned his place in the Resistance. He had gotten his family back. He was getting married to the love of his life, maybe starting a family of his own with her. He couldn’t lose all that now.

 

“ _What are you asking me to do, Ben?_ ” Rey asked in a terrified whisper and it echoed in her face.

“If Normay doesn’t wake up. If she dies or just stays as she is and he takes over…. I need you to kill him. He’ll do an awful lot worse if he’s left loose on this base…..” His stupor was broken only for a minute to look her in the eye, desperation etched into every feature. “ _Please, Rey.”_ She turned over the request in her head as her eyes started to well up. _He wanted her to kill him if he reverted back to Kylo Ren._ Rey didn’t answer; she simply dived on her cousin and pulled him into the tightest hug she could muster, her heartbroken little sniffles were the only sound in the whole cottage. In return, Ben wrapped his arms around her and cradled her as she broke down into full blown sobs into his chest. Still, he stared ahead at nothing. He knew the heft of the situation and of what he’d asked her to do.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Stop.”_

“ **I can’t!** ” He replied almost savagely as he paced his fiancé’s room like a caged animal. Nostrils flared, body tense, the occasional growl would erupt from him as his boots pounded the floor.

_“You’re startin’ to sound like him again. Act like him.”_

“I know!”

 _“You’re scarin’ me.”_ Ben stopped with a sad, bitter shake of his head. It seeped into his voice.

“And there it is. The last person who had faith in me and now she’s afraid of me!”

_“That’s not fair, Ben.”_

“Don’t talk to me about fair!”

 _“You need to calm fuckin’ down!”_ Even in his head, she kept him in line.

“Normay…..”

_“What?”_

“He’s coming.”

_“I know.”_

“I need you to fight. If we’re going to prevent this, I need you to fight.”

_“I am fightin’, Ben. You don’t understand what this is and I hope you never do.”_

“But….”

 

“Oh perfect. He’s gone crazy.” Ben turned to face off whoever had spoken but found no one had entered. He strode to the door and looked out in case they had left quickly but found no one in the corridor, no hurried footsteps leaving…. “Over here, dumbass.” Ben froze. _No…._ Turning slowly, the room had changed somehow. And there she was, not quite sitting up but not quite lying down either. “You gonna stand there and gawp at me or are you gonna get a fuckin’ medic?”


	18. Check Ups and Fixing Engines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets emotional and an important decision is made for going forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saw The Force Awakens for the last time in the cinema the other day so naturally, I was slotting our little silver psychologist into the movie! My favourite was Ren's interrogation of Poe. How did he know he was the best pilot in the Resistance? May told him!

Checked over and declared fine; Normay sat up in bed wrapped so tightly in Ben's arms she didn't think he'd ever let go.

"Don't scare me like that again..." He whispered into her hair, tears threatening him again.

"Now you know how I felt after Starkiller." She teased him gently but in truth, she never wanted to experience that kind of worry again.

"I wasn't unconscious for a month."

"A month?! Shit, that long?"

"Give or take a few days but yeah..." Giving his hand a light squeeze, she was still weak but she was awake, alive. "He almost came back..." Ben breathed; resting his cheek against the side of her head, the scent of vanilla had strengthened since she woke up.

"You would have coped."

"No, I wouldn't. I was slipping. I needed you."

"I'm here now." She replied comfortingly, what he wouldn't have given to hear that voice over the past month. "Medic said no rigorous activity for a while." There was that teasing again; he'd know what that meant.

"May, it doesn't matter if we never have sex again."

"That bad, huh?"

"No! Fuck no!" He was treated to a soft, sweet giggle as he tried to correct himself. He had almost forgotten about her sense of humour. He drifted into his own thoughts when he felt her settle against his chest as if she was about to rest. Did he tell her about Luke? She would have been fine if hadn't been for him. How entertaining would it be to see the tiny, silver haired Rosundan calling out the Jedi master? She'd do it. He knew that much. Normay could feel the tightness in Ben's chest. It was familiar; she knew it from when they had first arrived here. It was anxiety. Tilting back her head as much as his chest would allow, she watched him.

 

"Ben? Look at me." He did.

"You look fucked, love."

"I came back from killing off Snoke and found out my fiancé was in the med bay and might not wake up. You can see why I might not look like much."

"I want you to do somethin' for me."

"Anything." He murmured, lips against her temple.

"I want you to go home, eat as much as you can then get into bed and stay there."

"But-"

"No buts. Go. The medic said no rigorous activity but if I see you up here before lunch time tomorrow, I'll get out of this bed and I'll drag your arse home myself." Ben laughed quietly and buried his face in her hair. Even those silver kinks had more life in them now.

"Go on. I'm wrecked."

"You've been out for nearly a month!"

"I was half dead, fightin' for my life; d'you have any idea how exhaustin' that is?"

"I hear you." The male conceded, leaning around to push his lips to hers. "I love you."

"I love you too. Now go on. I can feel your ribcage in my back."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Soft shoes pounded the corridor in a hurry. Rey swallowed and bit her lip as she trundled towards the medical bay. The door was shoved inwards (the glass pane told her there was no one on the other side) and her alarmed pace continued. Ben had told her to go see Normay, that it was important. She assumed the worst especially since it was barely dinner time and Ben was on his way home. When she arrived in her friend's room, she had to take a minute for what she saw to sink in. Normay heard the door and looked up from the boredom beating holopad to see Rey standing, panting in the doorway.

 

"Rey Rey…" The younger female broke down and took a few disbelieving steps towards the bed. "Come here, lovie. Come on, it's alright." Rey jogged to the side of the bed and sat down on it where she was gathered up into Normay's arms. Her relieved sobs continued as she was cradled close to the other woman's chest; the sweet coos of comfort would have made her more difficult to lose. "It's ok, sweetheart. I'm here. I'm not goin' anywhere, I promise." Rey had almost lost two family members in the last month or so. If Normay had died, Kylo Ren would have surfaced and Ben would be gone. Not only that but Rey had given her word that she would be the one to do it.

 _"I missed you…._ " The scavenger girl wept, cuddled in tight to her cousin's fiancé.

"I know, doll. I know." Normay responded with a maternal tenderness, stroking Rey's hair as she held her. "I'm alright now."

 

* * *

 

 

 

Over a week later and thoroughly checked out, May was home. She was eager to get back to normal, to put the last month behind her but Ben wouldn't allow her to lift a finger no matter how much she protested.

"Ben, I'm fine! I'm not made of glass!"

"I'm not taking any chances!" He replied from the bedroom while trying to gather clothes to be washed and then dash to the kitchen to rescue whatever he was cooking from burning.

" _He's gonna burn the fuckin' house down…."_ May sighed, rubbing her temples. "Ben, for fucks sake, let me do somethin'!"

"No!" A pan went tumbling to the floor with a **CLUNK** as he tried to juggle turning off the stove and not setting fire to the clothes in his arms.

" _Jaysus…."_ Normay couldn't take anymore; she removed the blanket Ben had draped across her lap and got up.

"Sit down! I've got this!" He warned her frantically with the pot in one hand, the clothes on the floor and a single sock draped over his shoulder.

"Not from where I'm standin'." Was her blunt response as she bent down to pick up several articles of clothing. "Not really a domestic god, are you?" It was playful and sweet and ended with a kiss. "Don't worry, handsome. I'll teach you. You'll need to learn, especially if your mother keeps her word." Ben returned it with one arm around his fiancé's waist, the other arm taken up by the pot. "No point in havin' a psychologist on the base if we don't use her."

 

* * *

 

 

Regular medic visits, check up after check-up, she couldn't wait for it to be over! But there was some good news. Ben and Poe were shouting at each other on the landing strip; not in an argumentative fashion, just trying to communicate over the noise of an engine they were trying to fix, even Normay knew it didn't sound right. When his partner passed him on her way home, she was grabbed by the waist, mid-roar and pulled to him, kissed heavily then released to address the problem at hand. Laughing and blushing at the impulsive move, she continued on her way. Oh yes, she had good news for him. Barely an hour later, he was home.

 "Get the engine sorted?" She asked from the kitchen, pulling out a cold bottle of water and tossing it to him. He caught it. Jedi reflexes, they never failed to impress her.

"Mmmm…." Was the answer she got, she blamed the mouthful of water. "Poe's testing it. What the medic say?" Normay leaned against the counter, unable to repress that smile. "What?"

"Weeeeeelllll…. He said that rigorous activity can resume." Ben lowered the bottle and stared at her. Normay shrugged lightly and made her way towards their bedroom. She waited till she was in there with the door still open. " **Sooooo, I dunno about you but I'm gettin' naked."** Her fiancé dropped the bottle of water and started to undress in a frenzy right there in the kitchen.

**"I'M COMING!"**

" **Already?!"** Ben scarpered from the kitchen in just his underwear.

**"DAMMIT MAY!"**

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben sat with his back against the headboard with the woman of his dreams flat against his chest. Hair down, one arm draped across the back of his shoulder and neck, the hand of the other rested affectionately on his chest. His own arms held her securely around her waist almost as an anchor for him to thrust lightly up into her. He was still conscious of how delicate she was though she insisted she wasn't. Their lips met for umpteenth time; hips moving slowly and gently in time with each other.

 

 _"I love you so fucking much…."_ He murmured, barely breaking his lips from hers.

 _"I know, sweetheart."_ Normay panted quietly in reply, dipping her forehead against his. _"I love you too. More than life itself."_ One of Ben's hands loosened from her waist and graced over his partner's pale curves, trying not to remember how the morning he left for Snoke had almost been the last time. May's hand moved from his chest to cup the scarred side of his face, her thumb brushing repeatedly over the fleshy line his cousin had given him with a lightsaber. Ben started to move a little bit harder which made her groan with both bliss and relief. Lips reclaimed; Ben resumed the slightly harder thrusts into his future wife, giving it a few moments before he drew back to just watch her, to just look at her face. They had done this enough times to know when the other was close and from looking at May's face now, he knew. The way she bit her lip, the way she tilted her head back, the way those butterfly lashes lowered and the way she'd suddenly undo all those things to push her lips back to his hungrily and moan softly into his mouth.

He was marrying this magnificent creature. And of anyone else on any other planet, she had chosen him. Sometimes it made his head spin. Ben's own pace picked up, along with his heart rate and his breathing. Their foreheads seemed to stick together as they stared into each other's eyes as though encouraging each other. Needless to say; the way they panted and moaned together helped them crawl closer to completion. Normay went first like she usually did. Eyes snapped shut, a long, low guttural moan, a small writhe and the physical, internal squeezing that sent Ben rushing to his own peak. Normay rested her head against his chest so he took it upon himself to ease them both down onto the mattress. He took care to stay inside her, to provide that extended sense of intimacy that they both craved.

 

"Quick question." Ben began somewhat casually but he was quiet so as not to ruin the atmosphere.

"Why does it have to be quick? We goin' again?" She was flirtatious as she usually was when they finished.

"If you feel up to it, sure." He answered with an impish eyebrow raised. "But before we do, I just wanna make sure. You still want to marry me, right?"

"Why would that have changed?"

"I just thought that with the sickness and Kylo Ren and all the other crap that you might have changed your mind."

"No, don't be silly." Ben took her in; a small grin creeping across his face as he realized how lucky he was.

"Hux is gonna be pissed."

"Does he know I was sick?"

"If he does, I didn't tell him." Ben landed a delicate kiss on his beloved's lips then pulled back with a cheeky, teasing air. "You could have had ginger babies."

"I don't think ginger babies would suit me, actually." She retorted, cheerfully matter of fact as she reached out to twirl a dark strand of her partner's hair around her index finger. "I think dark haired babies would be better." Ben chose his words. Yes, she was fresh from the medical bay but it seemed like a logical question if they were getting married.

 

"So…. Is that a yes on the baby thing?" She couldn't help but laugh at his ineloquence but nodded and awarded him yet another kiss.

"That's a yes on the baby thing."


	19. No. Fucking. Way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben won't get out of bed again. Normay goes back to the medic.

Ben Solo and Kylo Ren shared very few habits. But watching Normay sleep was one of them. The dark figure that roamed the corridors of the Finalizer and Starkiller Base often found himself restless during early hours of the morning. There was no greater ease to him than to check on the silver haired doctor that he had become friendly with, even if it was only for ten minutes. He always made sure to pass the General’s quarters on the way to ensure that he would find her alone, that was mostly out of paranoia; he knew Normay’s ‘relationship’ with Hux was unofficially over. When Ren visited her at night, it was not a sexual thing. It was not sinister or untoward. It was a strange comfort to the conflicted male to see her so peaceful, almost as if it rubbed off on him. If he got the slightest inkling that she was about to wake, he would leave with quiet urgency. It seemed Kylo Ren didn’t understand boundaries. He had invaded her mind when she had stated her memories were private, he had touched the bruises Hux had given her upon their first meeting and he had slept beside her without her prior knowledge. Those were just a few incidents. Why would her bedroom in the middle of the night be any different?

 

Ben wondered as his eyes grazed over his fiancé’s sleeping form: What if it had all been different? What if he had ultimately ended up with her as they were now but the path had completely deviated? What if his mother hadn’t been so protective? Things would not be the same. He certainly wouldn’t have that scar on his face or a history with the First Order. Would he have left the Jedi for her? Absolutely. He had refused the opportunity to complete his training some time ago for her. He was thinking about Han. If he had gone with his father to Rosunda, he would have met Normay, most likely as a child. He had no doubt he would have fallen in love with her the way he was now but it would probably have happened sooner. He would have married her sooner. He would have had a family with her sooner. But better late than never! Childhood sweethearts. That would have been adorable! Ben cuddled his future wife and the more he thought about it, the more his dreams would soak it up. With his face buried in her hair, the male drifted off; his wonderings would continue even in unconsciousness. Three months since Normay woke up and Ben’s slumber was disturbed by the blankets being pulled back (the brief rush of cold was rude against his chest though he was resealed in his cocoon of heat in a matter of seconds) and the weight beside him shifting. The sun was up, he could feel the prickle of it on his lids but it still had to be early.

 

 _“Wasgoinon?”_ He asked blearily, turning over and tossing himself randomly in the bed without opening his eyes. Only Normay knew how dangerously close to the side of the bed he was now.

“I have a medic appointment; I’ll be back in an hour or so.” She informed him lightly, removing her nightdress and tossing it at him before she started to get dressed. Ben grumbled and grabbed it, pulling it under his head so the silk cooled the side of his face, her scent still wonderfully fresh on it.

 _“I thought you were done with those.”_ He murmured; barely awake enough to understand what she was telling him, eyes still firmly shut.

“Apparently not.” Was the doctor’s casual response. Fully dressed, Normay walked to Ben’s side of the bed and pressed a kiss to his tousled head. “Go back to sleep.”

_“No problem.”_

“It’s just the usual checks and shite, probably nothin’ to tell. I’ll let you know if there’s anythin’.”

_“Mmmm.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you _still_ in bed?” Ben’s head lifted off the pillow barely to see his partner leaning against the doorway of the bedroom, arms folded with a small smirk on that beautiful, pale face he loved so much. He landed with a thud against it again.

“What time is it?”

“Ten. I’ve been gone over two hours. Your mom thinks you’re makin’ me breakfast.”

“You said you’d be an hour. Why’d you tell her that?”

“I didn’t. She said you should be nearly trained enough to do it.”

“That’s not funny.”

“You’re right, it’s not. You **should** be trained enough to do it.” Ben’s head rose again, unimpressed. She was still smirking. Normay left the doorway and sat down on the unoccupied side of the bed, kicked off her shoes then sat up fully beside him. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she turned him with a strength it didn’t look like she had so he was facing her. “Ben?”

“Mmmm?”

“Wake up, love.”

“I’m awake.”

“Open your eyes.” Grudgingly, he did as he was requested. “So, fun fact.” He shuffled up slightly in the bed and reached out for the bottle of water he kept on the cabinet to lubricate his throat. “Apparently; parts of my system have been dormant since the first bout of fever.” She’d never menstruated, never got coughs or colds, never experienced food poisoning. The medic had put this all down to the scarring from the first fever when she was four.

“Right…." Ben urged her to continue, recapping the bottle after a generous gulp and placing it back on the cabinet, he didn’t bother to lie back down.

“But it seems that the last bout undid all that.” Normay got up and paced the room to return to the door. He knew that smile; it was sweet, it was gentle; it was elated though slightly nervous. “Ben, I’m pregnant.” He had to let it sink in. He just stared at her in the doorway. It took him a few minutes to get the words out and even at that, they weren’t the right ones. 

“But…. You…. We….. How?”

“Ben, love, I explained how it happens already.”

“I…. yeah, but…” It finally hit home. His face lit up and he looked across at her with utter adoration. She too looked positively delighted. Had she been nervous telling him?  Of course. There was no need, she knew that but it was a nerve wracking thing anyway. Sometimes Ben could be a big child too. “We’re having a baby?”

“Well, no.” She didn’t think she had ever seen anyone go from hopeful to dejected and confused so fast.

“But you just said….”

“Yeah, I said we’re not havin’ a baby.”

“May…. I don’t-“

“That’s cause we’re havin’ two.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 _“No. Fucking. Way.”_ Normay burst out laughing; not just at her fiancé’s disbelief but out of pure joy.

“We’re havin’ twins! I blame your family!”

“Get over here!!” Ben beckoned furiously, sitting up on his knees now in nothing but his pyjama bottoms and an unmovable grin. His partner was grabbed instantly when she came within arm’s reach and just held. They stayed like that for a while, holding onto each other, exchanging the occasional kiss.

“Let me go, I’ll show you.” Very hesitantly, Normay was released. The silver haired female lay down on the bed and pushed her blouse up over her stomach. There was no bump as such, just a swollen addition to her curves. “You can’t really see it cause there was always a bit of pudge but they’re in there.”

“That’s to keep them warm though.” Ben replied with the most adorable thing he could have said, crawling up the bed so his face was level with Normay’s stomach. “I’ll have to be careful when I’m turning over now cause I don’t wanna hit you.” Ben’s voice lowered to speak to his children, his lips literally grazing the skin as he spoke. “I just kinda flop around. I think I might have winded your mom a few times but that won’t happen anymore.” This was it. The beginning of their family. His nose nuzzled brushed the area then he gave it a small kiss. “I can’t believe this. How much longer do I have to wait?” Ben was still doting over what would turn into a bump. In awe of it; he stroked it with his hand, kissed it repeatedly and just generally cherishing it in every way that the former dark Jedi knew how.

“About seven and a half months.” Was the answer that made him look up, almost scandalized.

“Seven and a half months?! I can’t wait that long!”

“Well, you have to. They’re still tiny.”

“Are they boys? Girls? One of each? Come on, give me something!”

“I don’t know. They’re still too small to tell. We almost missed one; they’re so tiny, we almost didn't see it hidin’ in behind the other. The droid’s printer was out of whack, we’ll have to till next week for a holo.” How had she been nervous to tell him?! He was more excited than she was!

“Now you _have_ to marry me.” Ben teased, looking up at her and gently laying his cheek against her stomach.

“I was always marryin’ you.” She retorted playfully with a roll of her eyes and laying a hand affectionately in his hair.

“Yeah but they can’t be born out of wedlock. My mom will kill me.” The male’s response was in jest; Leia wouldn’t care.

“We’ve been livin’ in sin this long; we might as well keep goin’ for a while!”

"Rey is going to  _freak."_


	20. It's Nice To Have A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben hesitantly agrees not to tell anyone but it doesn't last as long as they think it will.

“May; I will get on my knees and beg you to let me go down there and tell him.”

“I can think of better things for you to do on your knees.”

“And I’ll do them wholeheartedly if you let me tell Hux you’re carrying my children.”

“Ben…..” May sighed with a twinge of regret and gentility that would carry throughout the conversation, still lying on the bed with her fiancé hovering over her stomach. “I know you don’t wanna hear this, love, but you can’t tell anyone for a while.” The male’s face fell and before he could protest, she continued. “We don’t tell _anyone_ for another month or so. Just in case…..”

“Just in case what?” Ben asked with a mild taint of panic. “Everything’s ok, isn’t it?”

“It is, everythin’s fine.” Poor Ben, he just wanted everyone to know. “But look, first pregnancies can be weird and my body’s been a bit fucked so we’ll just hold off on tellin’ people for a while, ok?”

“Not even my mom? Not even Rey?”

“No, love.” She didn’t intend it but she’d worried him. His cheek lay against her stomach as though fearful this was as close to his little ones as he was going to get. “Ben.” His partner sighed again, replacing a pale hand in his hair to get his attention and to comfort him at the same time. “It’s just a precaution. There’s nothin’ to worry about. Besides, it’s nice to have a secret, isn’t it?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

How?! How did she expect him to cope for another month and half without mentioning it or touching her belly when other people were around?! He’d kept his promise over the past few nights; even in his sleep, he was more careful when he turned over. More often than not, he still woke close to her but his hand was always in the vicinity of her tummy in some way or form.

 

“ _Babies.”_ She’d heard him grumble which made her giggle; he could have been saying worse things in his sleep. “ _How are they?_ ” Was always the first thing he asked her before he even opened his eyes. His mouth would stretch into an adorable smile when she confirmed they were fine. Again, Ben thought back to Kylo Ren. If someone had been told back then that the silver psychologist that fascinated him, that was terrified of him would be carrying his children and that he would be _overjoyed_ about it; they probably would have felt the heat of his saber. More out of his own insecurity than anything else. He would take magnificent pleasure in informing his former General about the development. An engagement could be called off, dissolved. Those kids would always be Ben’s. He often got the impression that the only way Hux was surviving custody of the Resistance was thinking about his partner which made Ben’s skin crawl.

 

“Want tea, Rey?” May asked as the scavenger girl waited for her cousin on the sofa.

“I’m fine; I don’t want to stop training to use the bathroom!” Rey answered and the two female’s shared a giggle. May knew about over active bladder now. Hormones were crazy and that sent her whole system, including her bladder into overdrive. She’d gotten out of bed four times the night previous to use the toilet and once to get sick at maybe five in the morning. “What is he actually doing?” Rey asked, wondering why the male hadn’t appeared yet.

“He’s in the shower.” Normay replied with a small roll of her eyes. “Why he goes for a shower before trainin’, I don’t know. Cause he’s always stinkin’ when he comes home. I have to drag him in there again.”

“I know he’s left the Jedi life behind but I do appreciate him helping me.” Rey’s appreciation was genuine.

“I know; he’s very good, in fairness.” May replied with a small smile at the thought of her partner and the things he did for others since they arrived here. When Ben finally emerged from the shower; he was dry but his hair was damp. “Rey’s waitin’.” May told him with playful bluntness with a nod to the other woman on the couch as if he couldn’t see her.

“I’m ready now, let’s go.” Rey got up but something caught her eye. Something Ben didn’t even realize he did. Normay noticed the way Rey’s face fell into curiosity and she knew it was out. When he kissed her goodbye (like he always did), Ben’s hand had just touched her stomach and rested it there for barely a second. He stopped and saw the pursed lips and the arched eyebrow. It was enough to draw Rey’s attention. Ben turned to see the stunned expression on his cousin’s face and it occurred to him too that they’d been caught.

“Go on.” She told him with another roll of her eyes. “Tell her.” He didn’t need to be encouraged.

“You can’t tell anyone!” He rounded on his former rival pointedly who had clamped her hand over her mouth but the stretch in her cheeks was enough to give away the grin hidden underneath. Excitement bubbled in him, he could _finally_ tell someone. “May’s pregnant.” Her reaction was similar to when he told her he was getting married. A high pitched squeal of elation and she couldn’t seem to do anything but jump up and down on the spot. As she had done before, Rey pounced on her cousin for a hug then approached his partner far more gently.

“ _You’re having a baby!!”_ Rey breathed in disbelief to her silver haired counterpart.

“Well…..” Both girls looked to Ben. “Technically, no.” Rey’s face (like Ben’s had) dropped in confusion.

“But-“ She stopped when Ben held up two fingers. “ ** _WHAT?!”_**  The couple’s laughter just made Rey smile in delight. “ _Two? Twins?”_ If it was possible, Rey’s disbelief had deepened. She had to sit down again and looked to Normay’s stomach, her beam was immovable. “ _But…. You’re tiny!”_

“I won’t stay that way for long, not with twins.” May responded with a light laugh; Ben could openly rest his hand on her tummy now, chin resting affectionately on the top of her head. “Aren’t ye supposed to be goin’ trainin’?” She inquired sweetly.

“We should probably go, he’s already onto us about not doing enough.” He murmured, exchanging a glance with Rey; she’d know he was talking about Luke.

“Go trainin’; come back here for your dinner and I’ll fill you in then, alright?” More than one part of that sentence was pleasing for the younger female. “Just don’t be distractin’ each other with it!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Six weeks….” Rey sighed weakly; _they must be tiny_. Especially since Ben was so tall and May was well, smaller. Full plates were gradually emptying as the three sat around the table. This evening just got better and better.

“You should see him in the mornin’, he’s fuckin’ adorable.” May told her, gesturing to her partner with her fork. “Like, he asks about them before he asks about me. It’s so fuckin’ cute.” A small blush crept into Ben’s face and intensified at her light stroke to his scar. “He can’t wait to be a daddy.” It struck him just then that that’s what they’d call him. _Daddy._ Would it be a first word? Very possible. “We have no holo yet, we literally found out the other day. Well…. I told him the other day.” Ben’s head snapped in his fiancé’s direction.

“Wait. You knew before then?”

“Well, I had an Idea, I wasn’t sure. Can’t tell with my fuckin’ body.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!” Rey averted her gaze awkwardly and Normay adjusted herself in her chair so she was facing him.

“Ben, remember how happy you were when I told you?”

“Yeah.”

“How would you have felt if I told you I thought I was pregnant, you got excited and then it turned out I wasn’t? You’d have been crushed, love.” He couldn’t argue there. He knew he would have been. When Rey left after hugging each of them and reminded of secrecy, dinner clean up started. He’d showered (again) and came out to find his partner already in bed. Whether it was the side effect of the fever or the pregnancy, he didn’t know but he shuffled in beside her and enveloped her like he always did. One large hand slid down and heated the swollen patch. If she had been awake, it would have lulled the female to sleep. His babies. Their babies. Small, weak, defenceless; they needed a protector. For the next seven and a half months and indeed until they day he died, they would have that protector; no matter how old they grew to be. If they turned out to be Force sensitive, he would do his utmost to ensure their comfort with it and help them if they wanted to learn more. He wouldn’t allow his children to become prey to the dark side like he had.


	21. Tatooine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is given a mission but is hesitant to leave Normay. Finn faces his ex-General. Leia cries.

Finn was confused. A human pregnancy was foreign to him. It seemed the indoctrination of the First Order did not include reproduction. Fascinated, his head dipped down to listen but there was nothing to listen to.

“So…. There’s a person in there?” Normay giggled at Finn’s endearing curiosity, he had been especially curious at the announcement that she was pregnant. Which had just happened. Finn, Poe and Rey sat close together since sitting space was short in their tiny living area.

“There’s two, Finn, love.” May answered with a sweet smile; obviously she had never seen him before she arrived at the Resistance base, while she was on Finalizer and Starkiller he was just another Stormtrooper. Until he defected. She’d cleaned up that mess too. Mainly Kylo Ren’s blood off the med bay floor. But he was sweet, gentle, caring and enthusiastic. It seemed to be a trait that ran through the entire Resistance.

“ _How?!”_ He breathed, agonizingly confused and his face contorting to show it.

“Don’t!” She pointed a pale finger at her partner who was about to speak. “He’s precious and innocent and he’s goin’ to stay that way!” She clearly didn’t see the smugness on Poe’s face that suggested otherwise. Finn didn’t seem to realize that exchange was about him. He was still too immersed in the bump and how it worked.

“There has to be some sort of insemination process….”

“Oh there’s an insemination process alright.”

“ **BEN!!”**

 

* * *

 

 

A scavenger, a pilot, a psychologist, an ex-Stormtrooper and a former war criminal all sitting in the same room; fawning over the same bump. It sounds like the start of a strange joke but they had come a long way. They had all been terrified of Ben at some point; even Normay, his soon to be wife and mother of his children. And yet, here he was with those he had hunted, terrorized and tortured; accepted and loved by the people he had been determined to destroy. That was before he realized he needed the light in his life; a light that had become known as Normay Vance.

 

“Finn?” The ex-Stormtrooper looked up from the covered, rounded flesh to the man he had once called ‘Sir’ on the few times he’d been addressed by him. He saw that mischievous smirk and knew then and there that whatever Ben was planning, he wanted to be a part of it.

“You put your Captain in a trash compactor. How would you like to help me fuck up your General?” Finn instantly sat up bolt right.

“Damn right I do!”

“What are you doin’?” May surveyed her partner suspiciously with an arched eyebrow. If Hux was involved, it couldn’t be good.

“You said that when you hit three months, everyone could know.”

“I did but shouldn’t you tell your mother? How pissed would she be if the wrong General found out first?”

“I’ll tell her, don’t worry. In fact, I might just do it as soon as we’ve visited the General….”

 

* * *

 

“I know the Stormtroopers talked.” Ben began with purpose as he and Finn strode towards the holding cells. “I know there were rumours about May and Hux. Those were true. Well, most of them. I mean, some of them were bound to have been exaggerated.”

“There were rumours about you too.” Finn informed him dryly with an arched eyebrow which caused Ben to slow his pace and cast his companion a curious glance.

“Were there?”

“Hell yeah. Troopers said they saw the General’s doctor down in the med bay lookin’ cozy with Kylo Ren. _Helmet off.”_

“What?!” Ben hissed incredulously, stopping; Finn stopped a few paces ahead and turned back. “Seriously?!”

“Seriously! Was it true?” He had assumed they were more secure than that. Then again, there were cameras all over Finalizer and Starkiller. It was how May had come to have a split lip and a bruised eye in the first place.

“Well…. Yeah, I mean…. We were friends….”

“Friends huh?” Finn teased with a small smirk. “That why you walked off that ramp holdin’ her hand?”

“You were wasted as a Stormtrooper, you’re far too observant.” Ben replied, their pace resuming. “But yeah, friends. I stalked her for a while until I could talk to her and the rest, as they say, Finn; is history.”

“ _Kylo Ren had trouble talkin’ to a lady?! Friendzoned?!”_ The other male howled with almost painful laughter. “ _Damn, that’s a good one!”_

“The helmet was the problem.” Ben recounted playfully then faced his friend before he entered the code into the keypad for the holding cells. “Cause she didn’t touch Hux after she saw my face.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Still haven’t shaved.” Ben observed the ginger male, lips pursed into an almost mocking grimace of concern. When Finn stepped into the cell behind Ben, he physically recoiled. _That was the General?! General Hux?!_ Hux simply rolled his eyes and breathed an impatient sigh without removing his gaze from the spot on the wall he was fixated upon.

“Come to show me wedding pictures, Ren?” There was a soreness to the tone and Ben had a feeling his earlier hunch about Hux barely surviving on thoughts of Normay were correct.

“He just called you-“

“I know.” Hux looked up towards the source of the unfamiliar voice. He knew him, very vaguely. He just didn’t know how.

“And who is your friend, Ren?”

“I’m surprised you don’t recognize him.” Ben replied, unfazed. Unlike Finn. “You were always meticulous about your Stormtroopers.” That was how he knew him. The file he and Phasma had pulled up the day the pilot escaped. Aided by this man. Hux tipped back his head and adjusted himself slightly on the bed to get a better look at Finn which unsettled him even more.

“FN2187.” It came back to him now. The bred in instinct to stand to attention and reply with ‘Sir’ almost won out but Ben’s presence held him fast.

“Hux.” He tried to sound casual but the nerves were still present.

 “So…. Your first visit was to inform me about your engagement to Normay….” It seemed even saying the words posed a challenge for the ginger male. While he held no love or even sentimental attachment for her; she was still something that had been taken from him. And he had clearly stated a number of times to both Ben and Normay that she was his. The marks on her neck the day Ben had met her had been put there for that purpose. “And this visit was to, what? Parade a glitch in the Stormtrooper program? The only weak link in thousands following my father’s formula?” It occurred to both Ben and Finn that it was strange for Hux to mention any kind of family. That had had been a child, that he had probably wet the bed and cried for his mother; the things children did. Most of the time it felt like he had just appeared fully formed or was made like a droid.

“No, actually.” Ben chimed in and Finn was happy to let him do the talking. “Was just making sure you’re eating and exercising. I might have a word with my mother; see if we can get your portions increased and your walk time lengthened. You’re looking a little….. _Peaky?_ ” Finn glanced to his friend. On edge and all as he was, he wanted to see this. “Oh and May’s pregnant.” If anyone else’s head moved as fast as Hux’s did at the last word, they almost certainly would have broken their neck.

**_“What?!”_ **

****

 

* * *

 

 

Ben and Finn exchanged glances. This was that they’d come for. Before either of them could respond, the General spoke again. This time, he leaned off the wall beside his bed and let his bare feet brush the cold stone of the floor.

**_“Liar! She told me she couldn’t!”_ **

“Bump seemed pretty real, didn’t it?” Ben addressed his friend as if Hux hadn’t spoken. Finn didn’t respond, he was too busy warily watching Hux. “I didn’t realize you’d had that conversation, General?” Ben continued with an eyebrow quirked; how had that come up?

 ** _“How many times did I fuck her raw?!”_** Hux snarled and Finn blatantly flinched. Ben remained unperturbed. He knew the content of her relationship with the General. He also knew better than to get riled up whenever Hux spoke about it in disgusting terms an attempt to demean the love of his life. **_“How many times did I give that bitch every drop?! Every time she wanted it inside and I gave it to her! And not once did that tramp suggest any kind of protection! According her, we didn’t need it!”_**

“You’re getting awfully worked up about this, General.” Ben replied with an almost jeering calm while Finn tried to recover from the barrage that hadn’t even been directed at him.

 **_“_ ** **_That fucking bitch lied!”_ **

“Funny, it’s only you she lies to.” Ben didn’t bother to explain about the fever and how the most recent one seemed to have undone everything the first one had complicated. His tone and quirked eyebrow almost, _almost_ made the General leap for him. But if his previous visit was anything to go by, Hux would be painfully restrained in a matter of seconds before he could do any real damage. “Anyway, we have to go but it was nice seeing you and make sure when you’re curled up there tonight that you’re thinking of me cuddled up with your girlfriend. Who happens to be carrying my children. Yeah, Hux. Children. Twins. Two. Of mine.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Ben knocked on the door of his mother’s office, he found she wasn’t alone.  Luke and Chewie were turned in their chairs to view the intruder but Leia called him in.

“I was just about to send for you. Sit down.” It didn’t sound like he was in trouble but the male entered cautiously and sat down beside Luke even though the relationship hadn’t really been the same since the incident with May. “There have been some resurgences of First Order loyalty in some pockets of the galaxy. Mostly in cantinas or at least that’s where it seems to be starting.” Leia filled Ben in on the content of the meeting prior to his arrival. “We don’t know how. It could be rogue Stormtroopers hoping to start from scratch to revive the Order under their own rule but that’s doubtful. They’re conditioned to follow orders not give them. General Hux is still in our custody so unless there’s someone else we don’t know about, we need to find out.  It could be something more sinister but we won’t know until we can hear what’s being said first hand. Luke is going to Javyar’s Cantina on Taris, Chewie is going Maz’s on Takodana, I can’t really send you there after what happened….” Ben shifted both uncomfortably and with relief. He had torn up that place, or rather Kylo Ren had. It was where he had first seen Rey and brought her back to Starkiller. “You.” She brought him back out of his daydream. “Are going to the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine. Bring your saber, you’re gonna need it. You leave tomorrow.” Ben started to worry. This was the exact opposite of what he needed. In all the months he had been sitting idle, why did this only come around now when he was glued to May?!

 

“How…. How long will I be gone?” Leia stared him down with an arched eyebrow.

“A few weeks? A month or so? It depends on how long it takes for you to come up with something. Is there a problem, Ben?” Ben’s eyes flickered to the side; Luke and Chewie were watching him.

“No. No problem….”

“Perfect.” Leia’s ruling was final when she went back to a holo she had been looking at previous to the meeting so Luke and Chewie left. When she looked up again, Ben was still there. “Something wrong, Ben?” Her attention went back to the holo but not completely.

“Mom, I can’t do this!”

“And why’s that?”

“Because…. Because May’s pregnant.” That got her attention. She looked up but seemed too stunned to say anything so Ben kept talking. “Three months. Twins.” The General’s holo was forgotten on the desk. She was on her feet and beside Ben’s chair quicker than his eyes could move. Even when he was sitting and she standing, she was barely taller than him so she was at the perfect height for a bone crushing hug.

“ _My baby_!” Leia whimpered, her cheek resting against her son’s head with her arms still around him. “ _Oh that’s wonderful_!”

“Mom, are you crying?”

“ _Of course I’m crying_!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Tatooine.”

“Yeah.”

“Jesus Christ.” Ben sat in bed and watched his partner changing. While before, her nakedness would have distracted him (and still did); his focus was on the bump that he knew he was going to miss. “And you have to go?”

“Looks like it. And Chewie’s taking the Falcon to Takodana so I don’t even have that comfort.”

“A few weeks…. Maybe more…..”

“That’s what she said.” Finally changed, Normay climbed into bed and into Ben’s waiting arms.

“You’ll be as quick as you can, won’t you? You’ll be able to find stuff out quicker with your Jedi mind thing, right?” Ben laughed quietly at her explanation before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Right.” She never really did seem to have a grasp on the Force. “Went to visit your ex today.”

“Eww, don’t call him that.”

“He misses you.”

“Oh does he?”

“That’s what I gathered from all the screaming when I told him you were pregnant.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“He’s the asshole.”

“Don’t call him that, love. Assholes are useful.” Ben crumbled into another laugh. He didn’t think he could be without her for a few weeks. Especially not in her condition.

“I’m just thinking….”

“Does it hurt?”

“Shut up. What if you came with me? You know how to get around people, get into their heads just as well as I can. Double up and get home as quick as we can.” She thought it over and it seemed to answer all their problems. That and it wouldn’t hurt to get off the base for a while, just the two of them.

“That’s not a bad idea actually. Someone’s goin’ to have to watch your ass in Mos Eisley.”

“You won’t be going to Mos Eisley.”

“What?!” She pulled back slightly to look at him with something akin to mild fury and indignation.

“You’re carrying two babies, you’re not going in there.”

“We’ll see about that.”


	22. Mos Eisley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Normay arrive at the infamous Mos Eisley. They find what they're looking for but May finds something extra as well.

A pregnant Rosundan and a Knight of Ren walk into a bar…..

Tatooine wasn’t much to look at. It was hot, dry and sandy on the outer rim of the Arkanis system. Essentially the polar opposite of where May came from so she wanted to get off the planet as soon as she could.

“You’re not going in there.”

“And why the fuck not?! Isn’t that why you brought me? To half the work so we can get home early?” Ben sat in the pilot’s seat on a landing strip, not far from their first target; The Mos Eisley Cantina. The infamous cantina where Han, Chewie, Luke and a Jedi called Obi Wan Kenobi (most likely Ben’s namesake) had met for the first time. Maybe it was a mistake bringing her here. Especially since his mother had added another stop to the list at the last moment. She too had expressed disapproval at the decision of her son’s pregnant fiancé roaming cantinas. But Leia couldn’t say she had sat back when she was expecting Ben; she carried on commanding which still had its dangers.

“May, this place is _rough.”_

“I know, Ben. Which is why you’ll get eaten alive if you go in there without me.” He looked her over, he already knew how well she could transform herself; he’d seen it on Starkiller when she interrogated Temmin. It irked him even now to remember how Hux’s eyes had roved. To look at her sitting in the co-pilot seat; no one would know she was expecting twins or even expecting at all. How she had managed to hide the bump, he didn’t know but he could be assured his fiancé had plenty of layers to protect their little ones if something did happen. That and he knew she could take care of herself. She’d told him enough times and her strength was unquestionable. Who else could survive two fever comas then go on to conceive twins? Only his Normay.

“Fine, let’s go.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“The key with somewhere like this….” May began with her voice lowered as they descended from their borrowed ship. “Is confidence. You have to be alpha. If someone picks on you, you pick right back. If some gobshite thinks he can overpower you, you have to prove him wrong otherwise you’ll get nowhere. Hood up.” It occurred to him then that was why she had been so at home in the First Order (minus her early interactions with Kylo Ren); a projection of confidence. Ben walked slightly behind her, the confusion creeping into his features made him think they should have had this talk while they were still on the ship. Her First Order attire had been reclaimed though not completely. The black boots and the black skin tight trousers were the same (sort of, she may have been able to hide the bump but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there) while a robe of medium length came down just past her waist just to be safe. That too was black and hooded. Under the hood, her hair was down and her makeup was pristine and if he was truthful; it worried him. He should have been doing this alone. He shouldn’t have even asked her or suggested it. By doing so, he had not only endangered the woman he loved but also his children.  One of the traits he adored about her was her stubbornness; even when they had worked together and met up when their days were done, it was an endearing quality. How Hux had fared with her, Ben still couldn’t guess but he must have found a way. Ben stopped his hesitant pace for a moment before he called her back.

 

“May? What’s our plan? What’s all… _This?_ ” He gestured to her outfit and then she saw it. The worry.

“They’re lookin’ for a certain type of people, right? We’re gonna be those people. The First Order or whoever they are are gonna come to _us._ ” He was still unconvinced. May closed the distance and rested both her hands on her partner’s cheeks. “Listen to me.” She breathed comfortingly but with a twinge of urgency as her eyes locked with his. “Babe, when we arrived at the base, we had little to nothin’ to lose. But we do now. We have two kids that need us. Not just me, you too. I want them to grow up without havin’ to worry about war or a regime that’s gonna dominate them. I want them to have peace like we didn’t. I want what every mother wants for her kids; just to be safe and happy and to be able to be who they are. If that means I have to go in there, root out those pricks and nip this in the bud, I’ll fuckin’ do it.” Yes, he loved her stubbornness. He loved her devotion. He loved everything about her. Except when she put her cold feet on his legs in bed, he could do without that. But she was right. Their family needed peace. Chewie had been right. _“Rosundans are headstrong. They’ll do what it takes and love and family is always everything.”_ Or at least that was Ben’s rough translation from Shyriiwook. Ben’s chest swelled and there was no other course of action but to cover her lips with his own.

 

 _“I trust you….”_ He told her quietly, barely removing them. “ _And I love you. We’re doing this for them.”_

“I love you too. Plus, I don’t really wanna be on my knees in front of Hux again….”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The couple entered the cantina together though not holding hands like they usually would have. Ben’s lightsaber rested against his hip but his partner was unarmed. Hoods up, they surveyed their surroundings silently. It was dark, dingy, noisy and smelled like…. Jesus, what was that smell? The atmosphere was thick with lust, betrayal and it appeared another brawl was imminent. The music was what one could expect from a cantina; bawdy and piercing, the musicians seemed as unsavoury as the dancers. The clientele were no better. The first glimpse of a solid, female behind had them looking but she ignored them and she wouldn’t bring Ben’s attention to it. They needed to remain under the radar for as long as possible until they were seen by the right people. “We’ve been spotted.” She informed him quietly only a few minutes after their arrival.

 

 _“Human male sittin’ at the bar. Grey hood, blaster pistol just inside the right side of his robe. Pull back your hood, not completely and make eye contact, let him see the scar. Sit a few seats away and he’ll come to you. I’m goin’ to see what else I can find.”_ Ben couldn’t afford to be curious nor did he have time to question her on how she knew all this. Then he remembered; she was a psychologist. She knew what she was looking for and she knew how people’s minds worked. So he did as he was told. Slowly, casually; Ben pulled back the hood so the lip rested on his scalp, what small light the cantina did have caught the sometimes shining surface of the sealed wound on his face. The eye contact was made and instantly, he saw the man relax.

 

Normay moved fearlessly through the cantina. She eased through gaps in the crowd; she drew a few glances but nothing intense. If anything they were of a sexual nature rather than suspicion. No one touched her though. She had resumed her dominance from Starkiller; the way she moved resonated boldness and assuredness as her eyes flickered throughout the adjoining chambers of the cantina. The alcohol was flowing, the music was blaring, the gambling was rife and it seemed illicit deals were being cut at nearly every table but the only lead that jumped out at her was the one she had sent Ben after. But she would keep looking. Nothing jumped out at her. It was like looking for a dark needle in a very dirty haystack. Maybe the male at the bar was the only one representative that they happened to find.

 

 **“ _You’re looking for the First Order_.” ** The dark skinned man at the bar had shifted over a few seats towards Ben as May had said he would. Ben glanced sideways at him and noticed one eye roving over his scar; the other eye appeared to be blind.

“I’m looking for answers.” Ben answered confidently but quietly as one would do when they wanted to avoid being overheard. “I’ve heard there’s been whispers but that’s all: Whispers. They’ve scattered. General Hux, Kylo Ren, Snoke. Nothing. I’ve been waiting and nothing.”

 ** _“_** ** _They say the General is in Resistance custody.”_** His sinister companion responded with an unknown accent. **_“No one knows what happened to Kylo Ren. But Captain Phasma is rallying what support she can. Her following is small but growing by the day. There may soon be a plot to rescue the General. Can you fly?”_**

“I can fly.” **_”_** Phasma. She’d survived the compactor. “I want to be part of it.” Ben answered almost instantly, playing his part well as he leaned forward and made eye contact again to drive home his point. “See this?” He pointed to the scar on his face. “Resistance.” Technically it was true. “I want in.”

 

* * *

 

 

Normay had to consciously keep her hand off her bump to console her little ones, whether they were asleep or awake; despite the dreadful surroundings.  _I know, lads. I'm fuckin' starvin' too._ This place was foul and as much as she wanted to get out; they had a job to do. She couldn’t leave until Ben had extracted the information he needed. Whether he’d use the Force to poke around in the man’s head or if he’d simply talk it out of him remained to be seen. When they got out of there; their plan consisted of heading to Naboo, eating on route then docking somewhere subtle to cuddle in bed before investigating the cantina the next night. She couldn’t wait. Her feet were killing her in the boots (the bump didn’t help) and she was starting to feel claustrophobic. However, whatever way Normay turned to head back to the bar to support Ben; she spotted something. She stood and stared for a moment then decided to approach, outraged. Her target was a young male of maybe twenty two or twenty three with dark hair, pale skin and blue eyes; sitting at a table with a group of various species, playing what looked like sabacc. She stood behind him for a moment and when he threw his head back to laugh; it hit off something or rather someone. He got up to turn around, speaking as he did but cut himself off straight away when he realized who he was facing.

 

“ **Hey, watch where you’re… Oh _Fuck_.** ”

“Yeah, oh fuck!” Normay snapped back while he tried to decide if he was angry or afraid. His companions had gone silent while watching the almost dangerous exchange.  “The fuck you think you’re doin’, Brom?!”


	23. Does It Fit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meets Brom and it seems their alliances aren't too different. Sort of. Ben has a surprise for May.

Brom stared at his sister. Over a year since he’d seen her and she just turns up out of the blue in one of the worst cantinas in the galaxy? Strange didn’t even begin to cover it. While Brom was recovering from shock, Normay cut his train of thought clean short.

 

“And what kind of fuckin’ behaviour is that?!” She demanded, folding her arms tight over her chest. “Pickin’ a fight with someone cause they brush off you?! I swear to fuck, if I hadn’t done it on purpose, your teeth would be on the fuckin’ ground while I count them for you!” The scary part about that was he knew she would have. She wouldn’t have hesitated either. His terror of an older sister.

 “And what are YOU doin’ here?!” He countered with an accent that was (if possible) stronger than Normay’s. “You fuck off for more than a year, don’t tell us where you’re goin’ and suddenly, I’m the bad guy for bein’ in a cantina?!”

 “Where are Von and Lee?” Brom’s strong façade faltered. “I said where are they, Brom?!”

“They’re…. They’re at h….” The glare made him stop.

“Outside. Now.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere!” The younger male protested, well aware his game friends were watching.

“Brom, if I have to drag you outside in front of your fuckin’ smugglin’ buddies, I’ll fuckin’ do it! **OUTSIDE!!”** Again, he didn’t to question whether or not she would. Grudgingly, Brom got to his feet and trailed outside with his sister behind him, making sure he took each step. They walked in silence towards the exit but pressure was bubbling beneath the surface.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben was finished; he had the information he needed. He turned to find Normay and saw her walking towards the exit with an unfamiliar male. Ben wasn’t jealous by nature but since before they entered the cantina, his nerves were pricking. The uniform Hux had _chosen_ for her had found its way back, her makeup was pristine and her hair was down; it all put him a little on edge.

 

“You know how to reach me.” He told the First Order scout then got up to leave without looking too hasty to do so. Ben spotted them when he got outside and started to quietly follow. May and the unidentified male left the immediate vicinity of the cantina and back towards the ship. He was nervous. What was she doing? Who was he? She boarded the ship and he trailed behind her. Ben waited at the bottom of the ramp and before he could decide if he wanted to go up or not, the ship erupted. They were _shouting_ at each other. Ben tore up the ramp and found his pregnant fiancé getting right up into the face of the stranger and he doing the same back down to her. They were screaming so fast and their accents were so strong, he wasn’t even sure they were speaking Galactic Basic. Confusion took over. He looked between the two that hadn’t seemed to notice him yet and waited for a gap in the howling to jump in. There was no gap.

 

“May!” He jumped in regardless and caught them mid snarl. He grabbed his partner and walked her a few steps away from the male in a vain attempt to calm her.

“ **AND WHO THE FUCK IS THIS??!!! WHERE DID BIG BIRD COME FROM??!!”**

 ** _“YOU FUCKIN’ WATCH HOW YOU TALK ABOUT MY FUCKIN’ FIANCE!!”_** Normay screamed from Ben’s arms, straining to get back at her brother.

“May…. Babe…. Please….” Ben was actually having more trouble restraining the tiny female than he thought he would. Brom just looked amused now.

“Fiancé? Jesus Christ. You actually got someone to commit to you?”

“ ** _UP YOUR ASS WITH BROKEN GLASS, BROM!!!”_** _Brom…._ He knew the name. May had said it the day she patched his palm in the med bay. So this was her brother. Brom was looking at Ben now.

“What happened your face?”

“My cousin attacked me with a lightsaber.”

“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Where the fuck you find these guys, May?” Normay was getting harder and harder to hold back so Ben would have to try something else.

“Babe.” He murmured into her hair, unperturbed by the fact that Brom was watching and listening. “Are your feet sore?” Instantly, he felt his partner relax in his arms.

“Yes…”

“Are you hungry?”

“Yes….”

“Come on.” He managed to settle her down into one of the seats of their meagre shuttle and helped her with her boots. “ _Want to leave your bandages on?_ ” He was referring to the bandages wrapped around her stomach to lessen the look of the bump. He dropped his voice to keep Brom out of the conversation which she appreciated. She nodded solemnly and Ben took it as a sign she didn’t want Brom to know yet.

 

 

* * *

 

 

So far the experience with his soon to be brother in law wasn’t all that positive. May was in the corner with her boots off and still restraining herself from touching her stomach while Ben mediated the silence. Brom broke it.

 

“You still didn’t tell me what you’ve been doin’ for the last year or so.” Brom pressed his sister and Ben poised in his seat, ready to jump up to sit May back down if he needed to. The silver haired female glanced to her partner then back to her brother.

“I’ve been on a Resistance Base. That’s how I met Ben.” It wasn’t the whole truth but it was close enough. She couldn’t tell him she’d been on Finalizer and Starkiller Base and that was where she’d actually met Ben. She couldn’t tell him the man she loved had been the very essence of the First Order and she was well…. His friend turned lover turned fiancé and mother of his children. Brom’s head might explode. It was better he didn’t know those things for now. Particularly the First Order part.

“Savin’ the galaxy one fucked up brain at a time.” He suddenly became more pensive. “So I suppose you heard about Han?” The eldest male shifted uncomfortably, almost forgetting May’s family’s connection to his father.

“I did.” She confirmed quietly and Ben took it upon himself to hold her hand. They had never actually mourned. That revelation had been covered with so many different things that it just got buried.

 “Kylo Ren.” Brom continued with a steely edge that made Ben look up as if he had been addressed. “No one knows where he is but if I find him, I’ll gut him like a fish.” Needless to say, the couple were far from comfortable with that revelation. “And what’re you doin’ in Mos Eisley?” His questions didn’t relent and he had actually adopted something of a suspicious look towards his sister but hid it well.

“I could ask you the same thing when you’re supposed to be mindin’ the boys!” She shot back but in truth, she was worried about giving away too much information.

“We’ve been looking for traces of the First Order.” Ben answered matter of factly for her, looking Brom in the face. _Gut me like a fish? You wouldn’t get very far._ “May’s been essential. We wouldn’t know what we do if it wasn’t for her.” He’d proven that at the bar.

“That’s a great coincidence.” Brom answered confidently. “So am I.” Brom wasn’t Resistance. Why was he looking for the First Order? “Well, not the First Order as such but if I can find a lead on that dickbag Hux, I’ll be a happy camper.” Again, the couple looked at each other.

“Hux? Why?”

“Because that fuck weasel owes me money, that’s why!” Brom retorted and it became clear to Ben that not only colourful insults ran in Normay’s family but also a disdain for General Hux. “Any idea where he is?” The younger male’s eyes flickered between the two but they were still confused.

“Money for what?” May asked, fearing the worst that her brother had actually been involved with the First Order. That was silly though; she had spent enough time with Hux, she would have heard something.

“Expensive computer parts.” Brom answered bluntly and Ben felt his head dip again. “That wank stain with the bucket on his head kept trashin’ computers; state of the art fuckin’ computers. Every time he did, Hux commed me. The parts don’t come separately. You have to… Pry them out of other computers on the sly….”

“Jesus Christ, Brom.” Normay sighed as Ben tried not to look too downcast; so her brother had been on Hux’s leash too?

“That and certain…. Books and tonics and crap. Weird, sexual shit. I didn’t ask.” Normay’s face, if it was possible, paled a shade. _Jesus Christ._

“Hux is in Resistance custody, we have him. But he’s in no position to pay you.” Ben didn’t want to think about what Brom would do in kind. He had an inkling and Brom would darkly confirm it.

“That’s fine. He can pay in blood instead.”

 

* * *

 

 

“What the fuck just happened?!” Normay almost demanded when Brom left with the agreement to meet them on Naboo the next day. “What the actual fuck?!”

“I dunno, May.” Ben replied dryly, drained from the experience.

“Let’s just…. Go to Naboo. Spend the night there. I wanna get off this fuckin’ planet.” She had already dumped the robe, pulled up her top and was in the process of unravelling the bandages. “ _I’m so sorry, guys.”_ May told her children quietly as relief started to creep into her bump as the constraints loosened, still wound up from the chance meeting. She couldn’t do that too often; the fear of damaging them crippled her. The thought of her precious little ones being in any sort of pain or discomfort killed her even now. _“Your uncle’s an asshole.”_

“An asshole is useful, May.” Her partner corrected her from the pilot’s seat.

“You’re right, babe. Your dad’s right, kids. Did you talk to your mom?” The last part was directed at Ben.

“Not yet. I probably should. Why don’t you have a lie down? You exerted yourself a little back there.”

“That’s probably not a bad idea.” She conceded with near defeat, threading small knots out of her silver kinks; sleep was actually a very welcome thought just then.

“You sleep. I’ll com my mom. I’ll call you when we get there and I won’t eat without you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I fuckin’ love you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey.”

_“No.”_

“May.”

 _“Fuck. Off.”_ Ben bit back the urge to laugh as he sat on the edge of the (double?) bed and tried to wake his partner.

“Don’t make me tickle you.” She was awake but unwilling to move from the warmth of the bed and the bump hindered her from turning away from him.

 _“Ben, if you tickle me, I’ll crush your nuts with my knee. And with the way my system is, I can’t promise I won’t empty my bladder all over the bed. Your call, babe.”_ Maybe it was better to leave the tickling for now.

“I found somewhere to get something to eat.” One silver eye opened like he thought it would. “I thought that would get your attention. Come on, kids are probably hungry.” That much was true.

 _“They’re not the only ones.”_ May grumbled, still hesitant to move despite the promise of food. Instead of hauling her up, Ben lay down beside her; the usual adoration prevalent in his features. They were so much softer than they used to be. “What?” She asked with amusement, knowing the look.

“Just remember the look on his face whenever he used to see us together.”

“The ginger fuck? Yeah….” The memory played in her own mind with his encouragement. “When we interrogated Poe. We only knew each other what…. Four days maybe?”

“Something like that. Even then, he was still obsessed.”

“Eww….”

“After dinner, I want to show you something.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

May was speechless. It didn’t happen often but when it did it was funny and despite the beauty of their surroundings, Ben laughed at his fiancé’s open mouthed awe.

 

“How did you….?”

“My dad brought me and my mom here when I was younger.” The lush green plains all around, the calling of wild birds, random scatterings of wild flowers in the long grass and the thunderous splash of a waterfall; it reminded her of home.

“ _It’s so beautiful!”_ The picturesque little spot just outside Theed was easily the most beautiful place he’d ever been. He’d been waiting for the right time, a time when the Resistance wasn’t so busy and when she became ill; it hurt him to think he might never be able to bring her here. But here they were.

 “Are you gonna tell him?” Normay would know what he meant by the hand stretched across the small bump. He’d missed holding them, circumstances dictated that he hold back.

“I dunno.” Was her honest answer from close to his side. Both had sat on the grass overlooking the waterfall and she watched it almost entranced. “He thinks I’ve been on a Resistance Base for over a year, he’s gonna smell a rat. I don’t wanna lose my brothers again, Ben.”

“Maybe keeping it a secret isn’t the best way to go. Keeping any of it isn’t the way to go.” She knew he meant more than just the babies. He meant him too, the First Order, everything. Maybe not Hux. He didn’t need to know about Hux. Her head rested against her partner’s shoulder while his hand stretched behind and held her waist and his cheek graced the top of her head. They stayed like that in silence for what felt like hours. The peace was unlike anything either of them had ever felt. It irked Ben to break it but he didn’t think he could wait any longer. “May, I need to ask you something.”

“Shit, am I in trouble?”

“Depends on your answer.”

“Okaaaaaay?” Ben broke away and she did genuinely think she was in trouble. “Ben?”

“Just…. Bear with me.” Normay found herself nose to nose with the ex-Jedi; she still sitting in the grass and he kneeling in front of her.

“What’s the matter?”

“May, will you marry me?” Normay’s lips pursed and an eyebrow kinked out of concern as she took in the expectancy of an answer in Ben’s face.

“Ben, love. Did the fumes from the cantina mess with your head? We’re already gettin’ married.”

“I know. I mean here. Now. Just us. Two tiny witnesses. Yes or no?” Sometimes, Ben could be oblivious to everything, just sauntering through. There were other times he was intense and romantic and now was one of those times.

“I can’t really say no to that, now can I?”

“Do you want to say no?” Her forehead creased into a concerned frown when he licked his lips in anticipation.

“The fucks wrong with you?” She asked almost like a reprimand before pushing herself forward, her lips landing right on his. “Course I don’t wanna say no.”

 “While you were asleep…..” The start of Ben’s confession had his fiancé smirking playfully while he rummaged in the pockets of his cargo pants. “I remembered my dad going to a place, a small shop in some tiny corner of Theed, he was collecting something; I don’t remember what. But I remembered where it was-”

“Hang on.” May cut across while she thought this out. “Your mom let you go to Naboo with your dad but not to meet me?”

“She said those Rosundans are rough. That the girls are bitches that would never make me happy.” Of course he was joking.

“She’s not wron' there.” Normay played along with the same smirk so Ben continued.

“I wanted to see if it was still there and it was. And…. That’s where I found them.” He took both her hands and sandwiched them between his own, lining his forehead and nose against hers just like when it had all started. “I love you so much.” He began delicately, his voice barely above his whisper with his eyes clasped shut; as if to look at her would make him cry. “I don’t know who or what I’d be now if you hadn’t come on board Finalizer. I certainly wouldn’t be in the Resistance, back where I belong. You did that. That was all you.” He faltered so she gave him a gentle nudge of reassurance with her nose. “I can’t imagine my life without you, I don’t want to. When you were sick and you were declining, I wanted nothing more than to curl up and never wake again. But you came through and when you did, the light just burst back into my life when the darkness was starting to creep back in. That’s a debt I know I can’t repay you but I want you to let me try for as long as I live. Will you be mine? Will you love me until death parts us and again when we’re united on the other side?” Ben’s eyes opened to the small sniffle and found her eyes glittering.

 

“Yeah, I will.” It was the answer he wanted, that he’d always wanted. “Ben, damn it, where do I even start with you?” Her voice was still strained and her eyes still brimming but her hands were still firmly and warmly within his. “You terrified me. You haunted me. I was told all sorts of things I know now aren’t true. But by some miracle, I found you in the medical bay and that started it. From then on, I got a different kind of feelin’ in my stomach. You defended me, you guarded me, you Force choked your boss for me…..” Ben split a weak smile; of course she wasn’t going to be conventional. “Our story is unique. There will never be another like it and I’m so proud of that. I’m so proud of you and how far you’ve come and I’m so glad I was there to see it and be a part of it. I said it that day and I’ll say it again. I’ll never leave you. Ben Solo, I love you more than life itself. I’d kill for you. I’d die for you. We have a family now, a testament to our dedication to makin’ each other happy and I’ll gladly do that for the rest of my life. Will you be mine? Will you love me until death parts us and again when we’re united on the other side?”

 

“I will.” Was Ben’s emotional response and he couldn’t keep himself from her anymore. His wife, _his wife_ was gathered up and held as if she might change her mind. Their lips met again and it felt different; but in the most extraordinary way possible. “Gimme your hand.” He took her left hand and found the right finger to push the small, silver ring onto. “Does it fit?”

“It does actually.” She was almost speechless again from staring ecstatic at the band but he distracted her when he handed her his. She happily returned the favour.

“You’re stuck with me now.” He told her playfully with his forehead back against hers, the raw emotion was still in the background.

“Well shit, whatever will I do?”


	24. Where Is She?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance hesitantly allow Brom to 'talk' to Hux. But he finds out more than he bargains for.

“Y’know what’s weird…..” Normay panted as Ben lowered himself onto the meagre mattress of their borrowed bed.

“What’s weird?” Ben responded with near exhaustion as he dragged himself as close to his naked wife as he could though he didn’t have to go very far; the bed was tiny. As usual, one hand went to her stomach and other intertwined her fingers with his.

“Marital sex.” She replied lightly while Ben just looked playfully offended.

“What was weird about that?!”

“Not like _that!”_ May giggled quietly, rolling over onto her side as much as the bump would allow her and closing her eyes at Ben’s kiss to her nose. “I just mean it was…. Way closer than usual?”

“I can’t get that close, I’m afraid I’ll crush them.”

“No, like…..” A small blush rose on the pale female’s cheeks as her face scrunched up slightly; the idea was somewhat corny. “Like, emotionally? I dunno. Just felt…. Weird. Not in a bad way! Just…. Strange.” He watched her for a moment with a closed mouth grin but he knew what she meant.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, I get it.” They lay there for a few more minutes of blissful silence, finding comfort in each other.

“Shouldn’t we be goin’ to the cantina?” She asked with a touch of dread, the idea of just lying there with her husband and maybe going for a few more rounds was far more appealing.

“We don’t need to.” He answered, rubbing his hand over the bare mound of flesh where his children were growing. “Mom wants us to come home. I told her about the cantina, she said if we pop up somewhere else and we’re spotted, it could look suspicious so we can stay here for as looooong as we want.” Another kiss followed which she more than happily returned.

“Your mom and Rey are gonna kill us.” May sighed into the kiss, eyes flickering up to the male she’d loved for longer than she realized.

“For getting married without them? Yeah, probably.”

“Do we just keep it to ourselves and let them keep plannin’? You’re her only child, Ben. She’d be devastated. I know I would be if my son fucked off to get married without tellin’ me.” Ben drew back with a curious look.

“D’you think we’ll have a boy?”

“I dunno. Maybe we will. We might have two. We might have two girls just as easy. To be honest, I don’t give a shit what they are as long as they’re healthy.” The male rested his cheek against his wife’s head thoughtfully; a boy would be brilliant. But a girl would be lovely too.

“Should we find out?”

“We won’t be able to for a while but I kinda want to wait. Be a nice surprise for everyone.” Maybe it hadn’t occurred to Ben but it had to Normay; there wasn’t a one hundred percent guarantee she was going to make it out of labour alive. She was quite a small woman carrying twins and a long history of illness since she was a toddler. She couldn’t tell Ben. If he even had an inkling of it; he’d worry, he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the pregnancy. And Ben was her favourite part of it. “So…. You commed your mom about what happened in the cantina?”

“Mmm….” Ben had shifted his position so his body was right up against May’s; his forehead against hers, his chest against hers, the tiny bump barely brushing against his stomach and eyes closed.

“Right…. And she wants us to come home?”

“Mmm….”

“Babe, you didn’t tell _me_ what happened in the cantina. What the fuck did he say to you?” Ben’s eyes opened and for a moment it looked like he’d forgotten where he was. _How had he forgotten to tell her?!_ He (very hesitantly) pulled himself away and up into a sitting position;  repressing a groan of irritation as the cold hit his scarred chest but he hadn’t been given time to chew over this information. Brom had gotten in the way.

“Phasma.” Ben answered eventually, looking down to see his wife’s face crease with confusion.

“What?! Phasma?! But…. Finn put in her the fuckin’ trash compactor!”

“She must’ve gotten out….” This was distressing, Very distressing indeed.

“So…. Phasma’s the one spreadin’ the First Order word?”

“Not only that. She has a following. They know we have Hux.”

_“Shit!”_

“Yeah. There’s going to be a rescue attempt.” Normay went from shock to being genuinely silent in fear. She couldn’t bear the thought of him being loose; not when she’d betrayed him, not when she had two babies to think about. They were her Achilles heel now and Hux knew about them. There was no way he wouldn’t exploit it at some point or another.

“What’re we gonna do?”

“I’m waiting for the scout to contact me. He knows I can fly; they’re short on pilots. I think we have a good chance of foiling this from the inside. My mom thinks so too.” May didn’t like this. She didn’t like it one bit.

“We shouldn’t wait for them to strike the base.” She remarked quietly, silver gaze directing up to her husband. Their silence had served to let them both mull over the dire predicament at hand; no wedding night should be this fretful.

“Hux might know where Phasma is.” Ben thought aloud, partially addressing her concern without realizing it.

“He’d never tell us.” May replied with unease.

“No, he won’t….” It wasn’t an admission of defeat, merely an admission of an obstacle. “I could go into his head but-“

“No.” She knew what that would mean and she wasn’t willing to risk it.

“There might be no other way, May.”

“There is.”

“What?”

“ _Brom.”_ Ben stared at his wife.

“I’m not following you.”

“Think about it.” May sat up too but was smart enough to bring the blankets with her. “Hux might know where Phasma is. They might have a pre-arranged place to meet in case somethin’ like this happened. Hux owes Brom money so Brom is gonna kick the shit outta him anyway. I can nearly guarantee; if you give Brom five minutes with Hux, we’ll know if he knows where she is or not.” Ben’s stare continued.

 “Babe, I love you but honest answer please: Did I marry into some sort of fucking mafia?” Her answer took too long to offer any sort of comfort.

“Course not. Anyway….. Put it to Brom; put it to your mother. She has no love for the ginger shit stick, she’ll go for it.”

“So, to be clear; I’m asking my mother if we can let your brother _beat an answer_ out of Hux?”

“Yes.”

“Just checking.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“We have a present for you.” Were May’s greeting words to Brom the next day when she disembarked the shuttle with Ben closely at her heels. Both rings removed and stomach wrapped again; secrecy was imperative. For now.

“What might that be?” Brom inquired, casually leaning against his small freighter, his accent still knocking Ben.

“Hux.” May answered, stopping a few feet short of her brother with her husband also stopping at her side.

“You’re goin’ to hand him over to me?” Brom replied with a doubtful smirk.

“We’re going to give you a few minutes with him.” The eldest of the three cut in, eager to have some input in this conversation; not like the day before. “We want something though. We want to know where a colleague of his is hiding. He’s bound to know. Think you can find out?” Brom surveyed Ben for a few seconds; again his eyes were drawn to the scar. There was definitely more to his sister’s fiancé than they were letting on. Whether May knew or not, Brom couldn’t tell.

“We weren’t properly introduced.” The younger of the two males stretched out a pale hand to Ben and waited for him to take it. “Brom.”

“Ben.” The hand was finally taken and shook though they both maintained a strong grip and an unnerving gaze on each other.

“If that Bantha fucker knows then we’ll know. I can promise it. Lead the way.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

As per usual, the control room monitored the comings and goings of each take-off and landing. Their shuttle was no exception as they touched back down on the base.

“Ben and Normay are back and it looks like they have someone with them.” If it was possible, Leia was even more affectionate with Normay since she found out she was carrying her grandchildren. That day however, May approached her mother in law with open arms and embraced her before Leia could say or do anything.

“Ignore my stomach. I’ll explain later.” She told the older female though she already knew; it had been discussed on the com. General Organa assumed it was something to do with the unfamiliar male that had followed her and Ben into the control room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When the door of Hux’s cell opened; he ignored it. He just stared ahead, broken and bearded as always.

“General.” The voice didn’t belong to anyone who usually came to see him so naturally; Hux looked up out of curiosity. The smuggler, the trader, the Rosundan: Normay’s brother.

“Mister Vance.” Hux greeted somewhat smugly then looked back to the spot on the wall that had been so fascinating.

“I don’t suppose you know why I’m here?” Brom inquired far more amicably than anyone outside the room would have thought possible; mainly Ben, May, Leia, Finn and Poe.

“I would imagine you’re looking for payment.” The ex-General seemed confident for a reason that Brom couldn’t fathom. Hux wore the smug smirk he usually did when Brom delivered whatever sick things the General had ordered, the tonics and the books he kept hidden even in his own quarters. “As you can see, I don’t have access to funds just yet but when I do, I’ll be sure to com you.”

“OR.” Brom took a few bold steps into the small foot space of the cell to put himself into the General’s eye line. “You tell me what I want to know and I don’t kick the shit outta you. How ‘bout that?” Hux observed the younger, dark haired male ahead of him. Yes, he looked like her. He knew the answer to his next question.

“I’m curious. How did you find me?”

“A close family source. You don’t need to know that.” For some reason that Brom didn’t yet understand, Hux began to laugh. And it was bone chilling.

“Your sister.” Hux cleared it but the laughter still set the base of his speech. Brom stared in furious confusion and outside, Ben and May looked at each other. _Shit!_

“And what d'you know ‘bout my sister?” The ginger male was going to relish this. He’d found Brom’s information on Normay’s file (the First Order was meticulous about their staff, contracted or not) and felt it would be worth having him close but at a distance in case Normay ever got out of hand. Which was possible. Rosundans were wild. And now…. She’d brought Brom to him. It was almost too perfect.

“I know plenty about your sister.” Hux answered coolly, heightening that cold blue gaze to Brom’s and regarding him with something of a vicious smirk. “ _I know every nook and cranny and crevice of your sister_.”

“Where’s Phasma?” Brom tried to divert the conversation but Hux wasn’t letting go that easily.

“I’m assuming she didn’t tell you she was _under my command_ on Finalizer and Starkiller? That was the job she left you for.” Brom’s blood turned to ice but quickly started to boil again. He thought of all the times he’d delivered the vile orders the General placed and to think they’d been used on _his sister?_ “You’ll be happy to know it didn’t last.” Hux continued, horribly cheery when he realized he had Brom in a corner. “It’s Kylo Ren you have to worry about. She’s engaged to him now, I believe? Carrying his children?”

“My sister is engaged to a guy called Ben. I know she wouldn’t touch you or that fuckin’ bucket headed moron.”

“Is that so? Ben Organa Solo, otherwise known as Kylo Ren. Lightsaber mark on his face? The same Ben Organa Solo who ran Han Solo through with his cross guard on Starkiller? Yes, it’s the same person. I think you need to have a chat with your sister.”  Outside, Ben and Normay’s clutched desperately at each other’s hands. She felt terrible. She shouldn’t have lied; she shouldn’t have kept it from Brom. He went in there ignorant and learned awful things from the worst person to learn them from.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When the cell door opened and Brom appeared, Normay felt guilt swell while Brom just saw red.

“You. In there. NOW!” He barked at the silver haired female who had to pry her hand out of Ben’s to go. He tried to follow but she gently stopped him. Brom led her to another room not far from where the others gathered and there were nervous glances exchanged. Ben stayed outside the room and unsurprisingly, it exploded. Only Brom’s voice could be heard roaring.  **“WHAT THE FUCK, MAY?? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??!!”** No answer.

**“WAS A SINGLE WORD OF WHAT HE SAID IN THERE TRUE??!!”**

“ _Yes….”_

**“JESUS FUCKIN’ CHRIST!! WHY AM I NOT FUCKIN’ SURPRISED??!!**

“ _I should’ve told you…”_

**“TOLD ME??!! YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE FUCKIN’ DONE IT AT ALL!! IS HE WHO HUX SAYS HE IS??!!”**

_“Yes….”_

**“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! I KNOW WE JOKED ABOUT YOU FUCKIN’ A GUNGUN IF YOU GOT A CHANCE BUT THIS IS FUCKIN’ RIDICULOUS!! HE KILLED HAN!!”**

_“He’s not him anymore…”_

**“BANTHASHIT, MAY!! DAD WOULD TURN IN HIS GRAVE!! WHAT THE FUCK D’YOU THINK HE’D SAY IF HE SAW YOU NOW??!!”**

“ _Brom please….”_

**“DON’T FUCKIN’ BROM PLEASE ME!! ARE YOU PREGNANT??!!”**

_“Yes….”_ Ben couldn’t take anymore; he charged the door and found his wife near tears. He crossed the room in a few dominant steps and gathered her up into his arms, much to Brom’s disgust. Even in Ben’s grasp, Normay found wiggle room to unwrap the bandages from around her middle and discarded them on the floor. Automatically, Ben’s hand took it upon itself to warm them instead but his eyes aggressively levelled with Brom’s.

 **“I’ll deal with you later.”** Brom snarled at his brother in law and banged his shoulder heavily off Ben’s as he passed him, jolting both him and May.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hux should have been alarmed when Brom stormed back into the cell, more than riled up now.

“Where’s Phasma?” The question was quiet and dangerous but Hux didn’t have enough experience with an angry Rosundan to know when it was best to answer.

“Why would I tell you that?” The ex-General asked with mockery laced through it. “You’re not Resistance. You don’t care.” Before Hux could even get out another syllable, his head was between the wall and Brom’s worn fist. The blood poured from the ginger’s pale, pointed nose and the taste of metallic that intruded into his mouth was spit in vain only to be replaced with me.

 **“You’re goin’ to tell me where that metal bitch is. And you’re goin’ to tell me now.”** Hux stared him down; lip curved into a brutal snarl to expose the crimson that stained his yellowing teeth.

“I’m telling you nothing!” Brom’s fist collided with the General’s shrunken stomach, violently winding the older of the two until he collapsed, clutching his abdomen.

 **“I’M WAITIN’, GENERAL!!”** Brom spat from above as the blood dripped from his knuckles.

 _“I fucked your sister!”_ Hux hissed back but this time Brom was ready for it.

 **“WHO FUCKIN’ HASN’T, BUDDY??!! TRY AGAIN!! WHERE’S PHASMA??!!”** Hux was desperately trying to stem the flow of red from his nose but the Rosundan wasn’t fazed. He prowled the tiny cell, eyes never leaving his prey. Suddenly, Brom’s boot smashed into the hollow at the back of Hux’s neck with an almighty _crack_ though amazingly, the man on the floor wasn’t as damaged as he thought he would be; just in crippling pain. When Hux tried to crawl away, Brom easily skirted around him and the toe of the same boot slipped in under his chin and tilted his head back to look at him.  **“Phasma.”** The danger hadn’t subsided from his tone. **“Now.”** The ex-General, wracked by agony stared back up at Brom with a depraved growl.

 _“No.”_

**“Fine.”** Hux’s chin was dropped and he took the side of Brom’s foot right into the mouth. He had been fairly silent throughout the whole ordeal but now he groaned and panted on the floor while Brom pulled back to circle him again. A tooth fell from the ginger male’s mouth while the blood continued to pour. Brom drew back his leg to launch it into the side of Hux’s ribcage but-

 ** _“Enough, Brom!”_**  He looked up, outraged and Hux struggled to do the same. With blood matted into his beard, the ex-General stared up into the face of the glowering silver haired female. But for once, he wasn’t at the receiving end. Her brother stared her down for a moment then dropped his foot and grudgingly left the cell, leaving the ex-lovers alone. Hux gawked at her as if he had never seen her before, his eyes dropped to her stomach and Ren hadn’t been lying. There it was. Something he would never have. May crouched down in front of him; her form of interrogation had been very different to Kylo Ren’s and Brom's. A pale hand outstretched so she could gently brush a few strands of long, greasy red hair out of his face; to see him properly, to connect with him.

 

 _“_ Where is she?”

_“Aargau….”_


	25. Throwback Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Normay's first encounter in months sparks the memory of how they became entangled in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling a little nostalgic so I decided to bring us back to Finalizer just for one night! I realized I had never properly the explored the origin of Hux and Normay so here it is! Ben and Normay will resume later. :)

  
  
Brom waited sullenly in the corridor while Ben, Leia, Poe and Finn avoided eye contact with the still seething Rosundan. Ben wasn’t sure how he felt about this; his wife alone in the same room as her ex-lover, the man who had marked her both in the throes of passion and aggression. Incidentally, it was the first time they had seen each other since they had drifted listlessly through space on that confined shuttle. He stared at her stomach still and Normay couldn’t find a reason to stop him.May stayed quiet. He ignored the blood still dripping from his nose and mouth, the tiny bump was his area of focus. If such a long period of time hadn’t passed, he might have thought it was his. How would he have even felt about that? If it had been before Starkiller went up in smoke, he would have done his utmost to ensure she was comfortable. But these weren’t his kids, they were Ben’s. And she was _so_ happy that this was the case. Ginger babies would have been an awful reminder of their father.

 

“You look like you have questions.” Normay remarked softly, having straightened up and finally breaking the silence between the two.

 _"Too many….”_ The redhead replied quietly, still staring at the bump. His mind drifted back to the first time he’d seen her. How pleased he’d been when she stepped onto the bridge for the first time. Yes, her accent had knocked him but he wasn’t long acquiring that taste.

 

* * *

 

 

_Nearly time. Another twenty five minutes and she could get dinner then relax for the night. But time was moving slowly as per fucking usual. When she’d accepted the First Order job, she thought things would be a bit more exciting than this. Obviously not. Back to the forms. Prisoner name… Prisoner number… Prisoner affiliation…._

 

 _“_ _Doctor?”_

_“ **Jesus Christ!** ” Normay jumped from being disturbed from her banality too quickly. With a hand over her chest, she looked up and found herself face to face with the ginger General. The look of mild surprise and concern looking down on her was somewhat uncharacteristic. _

_“General.” She greeted him properly though a little unnerved, straightening herself. “Sorry, Kylo Ren’s been pokin’ around down here. Has me a bit on edge. Somethin’ I can do for you?”  Yes, the accent still knocked him but irritation bubbled at the mention of the Knight._

_"I’m afraid I’m behind schedule right now but there are interrogation details I need to share with you; dealing with hostiles and the like. Can you spare a few moments at eight o’clock?” But I wanted dinner…. It would only take a few minutes though? HA! Wrong._

_“Of course, General. Where would you like to meet?” Amicable as always, be nice to the new boss. She expected him to say a meeting room or one of the interrogation cells but…._

_“My quarters.”_

_“Oh…. Of course. Eight. I’ll be there.”_

_It shouldn’t have surprised her that the General’s quarters were bigger than and more grand than hers. While hers were the equivalent of a small apartment, his were the equivalent of a magnificent penthouse. Fitting, right? Feeling a little intimidated, Normay stepped in past him, folder of data and a holopad upright against her chest._

 

_The holopad disagreed with her, she preferred a notepad and pen then upload it later but it seemed better to give it a chance while she was new and make adjustments when she was more comfortable in her position._

 

_He gestured for her to sit; she did. Her holopad was set down and turned on (though the fucking thing didn’t always cooperate) and her file opened to match with information she’d already been given. That irritating silver curl dropped down into her face so she blew it off with mild frustration. When she looked up to begin, he was staring at her._

 

_“General? Somethin’ wrong?”_

_“No…. Nothing wrong. It’s your hair.” Confused, May tapped the top of her head with the flat of her palm then dragged her hand through the silver ponytail, maybe there was something stuck in it?_

_"What about it?”_

_“Nothing…. The colour is fascinating. Is it natural?” Why the fuck are we talkin’ about my hair?_

_”Yeah….It is….” Normay confirmed, still bewildered. “Had it as long as I can remember.”_

_“No dyes? No artificial means?”_

_“No, just…. Lack of sunshine and a shit ton of rain?” She wasn’t ready to divulge anything about her illness and as far as she knew, nothing of it had been recorded._

_He couldn’t take this anymore._

_“_ _Doctor.” Normay’s silver eyes heightened at her title and those too intrigued him. “I may have misled you in the purpose of this visit.” The oblivious Normay let her eyes flicker to the side to display her confused thought process then back to the General._

_“Oh?” Hux had always been confident, staunch and unwavering. This was the first time she’d seen him be anything but those things. He was almost…. Nervous?_ _“General…. Is everythin’ alright?” The General cleared his throat and straightened his posture if it was possible._

_“Yes, quite alright. I asked you here, Doctor, because I needed to confess a certain attraction to you. I find you strikingly beautiful, massively intelligent, incredibly independent and strong and refreshing to be in the presence of.” Normay stared very subtly open mouthed at her superior. Was he high?_

_“General…. I uh…. Wasn’t expectin’ that.” He did his utmost not to fidget; what did he do now?! She was six years younger than him (he had scrutinized her profile of everything, right down to her date of birth), would that bother her? Normay got over her surprise quickly and he would soon see she was bolder than he was. May got to her feet and faced him but kept some distance between them. She meant to tempt him, to see what it was he actually wanted. "_ _So…. Did you bring me here to just tell me that or did you intend to act on it?”_

 

_Hux stared at her. This wasn’t going the way he thought it would; then again, he didn’t know how this was going to go. Now that she could see the signs; Normay paced her immediate foot space nonchalantly, biting the inside of her cheek as if in thought. She liked a man in uniform. Hux wasn’t unattractive though she felt he could stand to let loose a little. Maybe she could entice that of him….Hux was convinced of it too._ _She hadn’t gotten any since she left home (leaving for Finalizer had been a great excuse to get rid of that clingy fella she’d met through a friend) and she felt she was due. It wasn’t the first time she’d fucked a boss, it probably wouldn’t be the last (she was wrong about that). His breathing picked up with need as he continued to stare her down and his nostrils flared at the challenge; and it was just that. A challenge. Without warning, Hux’s beloved greatcoat was dragged off and tossed aside carelessly._ _Normay had no time to prepare herself for what would happen next. She was grabbed, lifted and held against the wall while the ginger General’s lips were pushed hungrily against hers. The height difference between the two made this the perfect endeavour. Needless to say, Normay returned that savage kiss (the first of many) and it batted back and forth between the two for several minutes before she pulled her lips back from his; locking their (equally) lusting gazes._

 

_“Bedroom.”_

 

* * *

 

 

And the rest, as they say, is history. Dinner forgotten, Normay spent an incredible night with the General, both their clothes scattered randomly in every corner of his living quarters. The pair had writhed and moaned; lips fighting, hips crashing. Her hair down had taken his breath away and the various positions only drove him to possessively mark her for the first time. She lost count of the amount of times she’d been on top or he had or she’d been bent over or taken from the side. It was an _extremely_ useful stress relief technique and the pair would continue to use it for the next few months until Normay met Kylo Ren. The only thing that knocked it was being accosted by Captain Phasma the next morning for being in sectors beyond her clearance without permission. She was too embarrassed to actually explain the situation to the chrome Trooper so Hux visited her from then on instead. He’d watched her, interacted with her for some time before he eventually decided he wanted her. She was strong, she was beautiful, she was intelligent; wasn’t she the kind of woman he should have been with? Even if it was only for a few evenings a week rather than anything permanent. He’d been apprehensive about broaching the subject. Her file had showed nothing about a husband or a partner, as far as he knew, she was fair game. Which she had been. He often thought back to that moment which would have confirmed Ben’s theories. He often thought about her and how he could have prevented her from being taken from him. He refused to see the glaringly obvious details. How Ren and Normay coming face to face on the bridge had more than likely been fate. He remembered the paranoia grating at him that brought him to her quarters that night to look for Ren and drove him to making that fatal mistake. Ren had become involved on a whole different level then and it was his own doing. He still felt as if he’d been robbed, like he’d been cheated by having her swept from under his nose by someone like Kylo Ren. And here she was now; carrying the children of his arch enemy.

 

“They’ll have to wait for another time.” May told him though unsure what emotion she was feeling. Pity. She decided it was pity.

 _“You’ll come and see me again?”_ Hux wheezed, hope lighting in his chest.

“Yeah, we’ll see.”


	26. What Do We Tell Them?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and May lock horns with Brom. Ben reveals doubts and worries about having children.

When May left the cell, she exchanged a look with Ben; it wasn’t a good one.

 

“Aargau?” Leia repeated, looking to Poe with concern. It was certainly worth looking into but they would need time to prepare. It could either be a trap or a false lead. The likelihood of Hux giving Normay a real location was quite small. But if it was fake; would the ex-General have let Brom beat him so severely before giving it? Why would he have just handed it to May? Maybe it had something to do with how he had stared at the door in disbelief long after she had left. Leia distracted the others, sending them up to the control room to try and work out places on Aargau where Phasma might be. It wasn’t necessarily difficult to see why she’d go there. Aargau was a planet of exceptional wealth. It had no specific loyalty so both sides could trade there without harassment. That’s not to say harassment didn’t happen. Especially since the destruction of the Republic. Phasma was sure to find a wealthy sympathizer, someone she could convince to help her rebuild or at least fund missions until they found the General. The chrome Trooper (from what Normay remembered of her) was diligent in her dedication to the First Order and by association, her General. Kylo Ren had also been her superior; imagine if she saw him now. Married and expecting kids on a Resistance base. Brom caught May’s eye as he leaned off the wall; they still had plenty to discuss. She decided to face it rather than hiding away.

 

“Come home.” Brom tried to implore her while holding his nerve. They were alone in that room once again and the corridor was empty. At least they thought it was. He was still furious but doing his best to hold his composure. That said, Brom’s temper was notorious as was his short fuse. Shorter than his sister’s as it happened. Brom paced the room with growing irritation as May had sat down with her hand rested over her slowly growing belly.There was no kicking yet, there wouldn’t be for a while but she didn’t want to miss the first one when it happened.

“We did think about movin’….” May confessed quietly. As much as she loved everyone on the base, it wasn’t an ideal place to raise children. “Rosunda is _my_ home but I dunno do I want it to be my kid’s home…. And Ben…. I don’t know if he’d settle there.” Brom released something of a scornful snort, Ben wasn’t a good subject.

“You mean Kylo fuckin’ Ren?” The male retorted with disgust. “I wasn’t talkin’ about him. I mean YOU come home. Without fuckin’ him!” The silver haired Rosundan stared at the dark haired one, utterly dejected. He wanted her to leave Ben.

“I’m not leavin’ him.” The idea of it alone was heart-breaking and Ben could hear it in her from where he waited outside the door.

“May, this doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense in anyone’s head but yours!” Brom pointed out cruelly, the animosity starting to creep back in. He’d stopped pacing to face the eldest of his living family. “How?! How the fuck does someone like you end up with someone like him?! He’s a fuckin’ killer, May! A fuckin’ monster!”

 _“He’s not, Brom!”_ May protested weakly; he’d grated at her until she couldn’t take anymore, until despair gripped her.

“You know what he did! You know how it affected us! How it affected Von and Lee! Oh wait, no you don’t cause YOU WEREN’T FUCKIN’ THERE!!!”

“ _That’s not fair, Brom_.” Normay replied quietly with a small shake of her head. “ _You don’t know enough about it. He regrets it…_ ”

“He still fuckin’ killed him, May! In cold fuckin’ blood!” Brom growled like a rabid beast. That was enough. The door was thrown in and Ben entered with his curved lip into an indignant snarl; of course, he went straight to Normay. His scarred face stared down Brom’s. Powerful and all as the youngest knew this man was, he refused to be intimidated. It didn’t seem Ben had an interest in hurting him anyway, just imposing himself whenever Brom tried to upset his partner. The smuggler wasn’t good at it but he was trying to protect his sister while Ben was trying to protect his wife. And here she was, caught in the middle. “My family was already fucked.” Brom spoke to Ben now; the aggression was rife. “Then you took the one fuckin’ person who came to check up on us, that made sure we were alright!” Ben didn’t have an answer. There was no explaining it to someone like Brom or explaining it to anyone and still seem like a decent person. Ben almost breathed a sigh of relief when he checked on her and found the way she looked at him was unchanged. Brom’s poisonous attempt hadn’t worked.

 

“I did it.” Ben had turned and now strode purposefully towards his brother in law (though Brom had no idea). Immediately, the younger male got his back up. “I wish I hadn’t! May knows it! My mom knows it! Luke knows it! I thought I had no choice! I did but he made me realize it!” Brom had almost missed when Hux referred to him as Ben Organa Solo but that just made the whole situation worse.

“He killed his own dad.” Brom breathed snidely; watching Ben, almost nose to nose with him but addressing Normay. “Imagine what he’d do to you. What he’d do to those kids.” Ben’s scar itched, it would be so easy to silence Brom, temporarily or permanently; it would depend on how much the other male persisted with trying to convince Normay. Without warning, Ben tasted metal,  pain erupted in his face and less than a second later; the largest of the three was on the floor.

 ** _“Ben!!”_** He scrambled into a sitting position with his hands clutching his face, unsure if the blood was coming from his nose, his mouth or both. Brom was standing over him; panting like a bull, fists still clenched in pure, unadulterated rage.  

" _D'YOU KNOW WHAT I’D DO TO GET MY DAD BACK???!!!!”_ Brom bellowed, red faced with a vein bulging in his neck. The raw ache of loss had reared its head again after more than ten years but was it his fault he hadn’t been allowed to mourn properly? That he felt cheated when his father was taken from him but Ben had slaughtered his own? Normay was on her knees beside Ben, both hands on either of his cheeks to assess the damage. That was before she turned to Brom with absolute outrage etched into each pale feature.

 ** _“_** _WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”_ May’s concerned attention went back to Ben; he could stop Poe’s blaster with a wave of his hand but Brom’s fist had caught him off guard. _“Babe, you alright?!”_ The panicked whimper plucked at him.

 “Yeah…” He breathed through it with a vain attempt to wipe away the blood. He’d survived worse, much worse. Blaster to the side sprung to mind. “Yeah, I think I’m ok…. Is it broken? Hurts like a bitch…” May checked her husband again; his nose didn’t seem to be broken. Thank Christ; his face didn’t need more disfiguration. Not that it mattered to her. He’d always be a handsome bastard to her. Brom had resumed his pacing but he never took his eyes off his brother in law as if readying himself to strike again. May helped Ben up though he was hesitant in placing too much of his weight on her with the babies. When Ben was steady, May withdrew herself and faced Brom, squaring off her brother. Her husband stared as the front of Brom’s shirt was grabbed fearlessly, dragged down so their fiery gazes met and the accents became terrifying.

 

" _Listen to me.”_ Normay’s hiss was brutal, her grip holding fast on the material. _“I’m marryin’ him. I’m havin’ his kids. I’m gonna spend the rest of my fuckin’ life with him whether you fuckin’ like it or not. Don’t be a prick. Try and stop me again and I will fuckin’ destroy ya. **Got it?!”**_ Brom was detached when his sister pushed him back and released her grip as she did so. _“I’m fuckin’ warnin’ ya.”_ Was May’s parting bristle as she headed back to Ben with the intention of leaving.

 **“Don’t come fuckin’ cryin’ to me when he fuckin’ turns on ya, May!”** Brom shot at her back but he’d regret it.

 _“Right, cunt.”_ Before he could stop her, the silver haired female had whipped round and closed the distance between them in an absolute instant. Instead of being grabbed, May decided to return the favour he’d given Ben and of course, the hormones took over. She didn’t look that strong, she was small in stature but she’d already proved there was more to her than met the eye. He didn’t shrink away; he didn’t think she’d hit him. But Brom hit the floor like a sack of Corellian potatoes; it was direct, it was clean and it was effective. Silence. Again, Ben stared as his wife strode towards him with her head held high and her chest puffed out; a force to be reckoned with, pregnant or not. That said, the pregnancy was a lot to do with it.

“May. You just knocked him clean out.”

_“It’s not the first time and it probably won’t be the last, babe. I told him not to be a prick and he was. Fuck ‘im.”_

“But….”

_“You don’t come from where I come from and not know how to kick the shit outta someone. C’mon. Let’s get you cleaned up.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Ben sat on the bed he’d shared with Normay since they arrived on the base. The bed that had been a starting point in their relationship; the bed where Ben lost his virginity and their children had been conceived. The bleeding had stopped and the bundles of wet, blood-stained tissues in the waste basket were proof of the damage. His shirt lay in a bundle in the corner; May was going to try and get the stains out but she couldn’t make any promises. Instead, Ben sat shirtless on the bed and stared at nothing. He turned everything Brom had said over in his mind. His scar had itched; it hadn’t done that since May was sick but nothing had happened since they left Brom unconscious on the floor so he tried to ignore it, he wouldn’t even mention it. Maybe it was just a momentary lapse in the heat of the argument; nothing serious. Ben was woken from his trance by something nudging his hand; a cold bottle of water. The concern in Normay’s face was hard to ignore even though she was yet to say a word. _Strong and formidable, wild to a degree._ She’d been that alright. He took it with a nod of thanks and pursed lips. She knew him well; a little over a year but she knew him exceptionally well.

 

“Talk to me.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. This isn’t about me knockin’ the shit outta Brom, is it?”

“No.”

“So? What is it?” Ben hesitated. He was married now. In another six or seven months, he was going to be a father.

“What if he’s right?” He asked quietly and dejected, referring to Brom’s spits of venom both before and after he’d entered the room. “What if I do turn on you? What if I hurt them?” May breathed a small sigh and set the bottle of water on the bedside table. She climbed onto the bed and knelt behind her husband, wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and leaned around to gently press her nose against his cheek.

 “Ben, love of my life, you know that won’t happen.”

“I don’t. Neither do you.” The physical closeness was a comfort but it would take more than that.

 _"What I’m about to say is important and I want you to listen to it, alright? Take it all in.”_ Her voice had dropped tenderly since she was so close to his ear. _“You have a wife who loves you. More than anythin’. You have two kids on the way and already, they know you’d do anythin’ for them.”_ So far, all this was true. _“Sweetheart, you’ve done so much to better yourself since we got here. Not everyone could do what you’ve done. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. Everyone’s so proud of you. Me and these two included.”_ Her encouragement was invaluable. But his connections to the dark side often worried him where his children were concerned.

 

“What do we tell them?” The First Order would go down in history like the Empire before it. His children would probably learn about it; learn about the characters that made it function, the ones they would be told were villains and learn to hate. Among them would probably be the mysterious, masked figure that was Kylo Ren. He could see the exaggerated sketches on a history holo; making him bigger and bulkier than he actually was though the lightsaber would probably be quite accurate. He could imagine the scenes that would probably be illustrated like the massacre on Jakku; him standing over bodies while some details were not quite correct. Accidental propaganda. While it didn’t seem like it now, their children would grow. They would become teenagers and adults; they might be vulnerable as he was. But he had the experience like his parents didn’t have. He knew what to watch for, to believe them when they told him something wasn’t right.

 

 _“_ _We’ll tell them what they need to know.”_ May replied sensibly. _“If they’re Force sensitive, we’ll deal with it. We won’t be sendin’ them anywhere. My babies stay with me, Solo.”_ The light attempt at humour provoked a small smile and he did feel more at ease as he laid a hand against one of the arms around his neck.

“I do worry about them though.”

" _Don’t worry about them.”_ His silver haired Rosundan laid a sweet kiss against his cheek then nuzzled the spot again. _“Our kids will have their mam’s brains and their dad’s looks. They’ll be incredible. They’ll be clever, they’ll be handsome, they’ll be strong, they’ll be brave but most of all they’ll be loved. So don’t worry about them.”_


	27. I Don't Know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May's worry about the First Order scout intensifies. A secret meeting with Hux brings up the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thank you so much for your patience. I realize it’s been a while since I posted on this particular story and that was purely because of writer’s block but thank you for sticking with me and thank you to the guest for giving me the kick in the arse I needed! I hope it's as you remember. <3

“We can’t just _wait_ for them to strike the base.” It wasn’t the first time Leia had heard this. She was well aware of the silver haired female’s take on the subject. The General had been hijacked in her office _again_ by her daughter in law with the same line.

 

“I appreciate your concerns, May.” Organa began amicably, hands folded on the desk in front of her. As always, her eyes (and seemingly everyone else’s on the base) were drawn to the nearly five month old bump that the tiny Rosundan wore so well. “But there’s nothing we can do until the scout contacts Ben.”

 

“Let me talk to Hux again.” Normay tried to sound reasonable but really, this was eating at her. It seemed with every passing day and week, she noticed her stomach getting a bit bigger and that meant she was closer and closer to meeting her children. But she didn’t want to do that under threat.

 

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Leia borderline argued though held her nerve; she had to remind herself that Normay was concerned about the base and everyone on it. Not to mention her own children. The older female could appreciate that, she was a mother herself and could only hope the right thing would be done if the twins turned out to be Force sensitive.

 

May’s lips pursed from where she stood at the door; she’d declined the invitation to sit down, promising she only wanted a quick word. Ben could deny it all he wanted; she knew this was down to him and his jealousy and his mother had gotten caught up in. She wasn’t about to refuse her only son’s request where his pregnant ‘fiancé’ was involved.

 

“Riiiiiight.” They stared each other down for a moment or so, two formidable females in their own right. “It’s been two months. We’ve heard nothin’! And what happens if they smell a rat? And that rat is Ben so they come and fuckin’ wipe us out anyway? I don’t know about you, Leia but I actually **want** to meet my kids!”

 

“That won’t happen.” Leia still managed to be patient. “They don’t have enough pilots and the scout said himself their following is small. They need all the help they can get. Ben bears Resistance scarring and he can fly; as far as they’re concerned he’s a dream come true. They wouldn’t pass him up.”

 

That logic was sound though it still niggled at Normay. What if there was something more sinister? They knew where the base was and the scout had said the following got bigger every day…. What if they didn’t need Ben and attacked without him?

 

“Try not to think too much on it, May.” The General’s voice was softer now and the younger of the two felt her face fall in slight defeat and worry. It did keep her awake while Ben snored. At least she was sure it was that and not the snoring. She loved Ben but Christ; it was like sleeping beside a vibrosaw. Even worse, he insisted on holding the bump so it was into her face.

 

May left the office feeling less than satisfied though she wasn’t sure why she expected it to be different this time. Naturally; as time wore on, the more worried she became. Nothing from the scout, the Order’s new following growing by the day and though Ben didn’t say it, he felt it too. She didn’t need to be Force sensitive to see that.

 

 

 

“You absolute motherfucker.”

 

“Technically, that’s true.” 

 

“She’ll kick your ass if she hears you talking like that. Wrench.” Poe commented with an amused grin but didn’t look up from the engine as he held out his spare hand and the correct instrument was pressed into it.

 

“I fuck up constantly and she still hasn’t kicked my ass. But she did kick her brother’s ass for kicking my ass.” Poe’s chuckle from among the mechanical parts while Ben waited to pass him tools was infectious while both males bonded.

 

The contrast between May and Ben was blatant and to see it in motion was almost comical. The common sight of the miniscule, silver haired Rosundan with a large bump in her belly walking the base with her tall, dark haired partner hand in hand was endearing.

 

 And hilarious. Especially when they pushed each other or Ben poked her in a certain place that sent her limbs spasming and making her retaliation swift. They’d started as friends and no matter how old they got or how long they would be together; it seemed that playful spark would never die.

 

“Man, I feel sorry for May.” Poe tutted through his laughter though his face contorted with effort as the wrench was twisted and the light strain echoed in his voice. “She’s gonna have three kids to deal with. Two brand, spanking new babies and you.”

 

“At least I can look after myself!” Ben countered, taking the wrench back off Poe when it was handed back and gripped the other male’s hand to help him up. Needless to say, the torture incident on Finalizer was both forgiven and forgotten. Ben shrugged at Poe’s playful eyebrow arch. “Sorta.”

 

“Speak of the devil and she shall appear.” Ben turned at Poe’s remark as the slightly older of the two wiped his hands free of grease and oil on a rag. There she was. The love of his life. Walking to towards them with something of irritability. She’d been speaking to his mother again.

 

“Hey.” Ben’s arms enveloped his secret wife and a small kiss was placed to the top of her head. _Wait for it…. Wait for it…._ _There it is._ He thought as a frustrated shriek erupted into his chest but muffled by the wall of muscle and the tiny female was still cradled. “I know, babe. I know.”

 

“Hi Poe.” Normay’s head lifted from her husband’s solid form and regarded the pilot with a small, wary smile. The comforting intimacy told him it wasn’t his place to ask. “Keepin’ an eye on him for me?”

 

“Someone has to.” Poe replied with the same impish demeanour from his jovial exchange with Ben as the two separated. “How’re they doing? Kicking yet?” He asked with a nod to the bump that seemed to grow every time he saw it.

 

“Nah, not yet. Trust me; day or night, when they do start kickin’, the whole base’ll know.” She indicated to Ben with a nod of her own which made Poe crack another smile. “He’ll run the landin’ strip naked if that’s the way he is when it happens.”

 

“I’ll be sure to have my camera on standby.” Poe chortled, appreciating May’s humour as much as Ben’s even if she did seem a little tense. It was easily seen how Ben and Normay had matched. They were similar but different and both now had the Resistance and their family’s best interests at heart.

 

“Are you done or d’you need me to-?”

 

“No, I think I’m about done here.” Poe answered, glancing back at the X-Wing as if something might have changed drastically since Normay’s arrival. “You go ahead; I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. See you guys later.”

 

 

 

“I’ve been thinkin’….”

 

“Uh oh.”

 

“Shut up, Ben. I’ve been thinkin’…. Maybe this isn’t the place for us anymore.” Ben stopped chewing his mouthful. If he stopped eating, it was important.

 

“May, what’re you-“

 

“Look around, Ben.” May got up from the table; she hadn’t eaten very much despite the hunger and the need to retain strength for the twins. She took the eight paces from the kitchen table to their bedroom then turned back to him.

 

“We have one bedroom. There is literally two feet of space between the end of our bed and the door. There’s no room for a cot, let alone a changin’ table.” The Rosundan marched into the living

area which again was only a few paces away.

 

“How’re two toddlers gonna learn to walk in here? Or even crawl?” May looked around their restricted home, exasperated. It had seemed bigger before. But with the bump flourishing and the visions of two children on their way, it felt like it had shrank.

 

Ben relaxed. He thought for a moment that she wanted to leave the Resistance. He understood the pressure on her of late, he knew the silence from the scout was stressing her and there was no point telling her to relax. Simply because May was stubborn.

 

“May.” Ben sighed as he laid down his fork. “C’mere.” She did though she didn’t sit on his lap like he probably intended. Regardless, his arms wrapped around her waist and she was pulled as close as he could get her without hurting the children. She was barely taller than him sitting while she stood.

 

“Don’t stress about these things. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for them. I’ll talk to my mom in the morning and see if there’s anywhere bigger on the base. If there’s not, we’ll look outside it. We can always build something. A few months overlap here won’t kill us.”

 

Normay rolled her eyes but of course he was right. Ben nudged her in that familiar way and it relieved him to see her crack a smile before she leaned down to kiss him. He held it for as long as he could until she broke away in a significantly better mood then ran a hand through his raven locks.

 

“Might take a shower.” She told him quietly, dipping her forehead to rest it against his. “My back is killin’ me.”

 

“Here’s what we do.” Ben began with the intention of compromise, leaning into the gesture of affection without encouragement. “Eat a bit more. Shower. I’ll go with you-“

 

“To save water?” May asked with mischievous doubt, an arched eyebrow and without lifting her forehead from Ben’s. The soft rumble of laughter from below jolted them very slightly but not enough to disturb the closeness.

 

“Sure. To save water.” Ben responded in a similar tongue in cheek way but one large hand had already started rubbing where he suspected the ache dominated. It was usually the same place. “After we save water, you rest and I’ll clean up out here. How’s that?”

 

“I love you, Solo.”

 

“And I love you, Solo.”

 

 

 

Leia and Normay both knew that despite being denied clearance to speak to Hux again that the psychologist was going to do it anyway. She had a habit of doing things she wasn’t supposed to. She’d woken up from a bout of fever twice, she’d fucked her boss (several times) and now she was secretly married to and carrying the children of the former Kylo Ren.

 

Yes, Normay had a habit of defying authority. Ben was still asleep when May dressed and slipped out as quietly as she could. Needless to say, if he thought she was going to see her ex-lover in secret, he might not be too pleased. Carefully, she made her way across the base and wasn’t noticed as such by anyone though it was still largely abandoned. Daily chores hadn’t begun yet.

 

Down the stone steps and into the depths of the loyal Resistance base, along the corridor to the holding cells; Normay’s footsteps clipped all the way. The guard was tired and waiting to be relieved so he waved her through without incident and the silver haired Rosundan gladly went.

 

It seemed Hux’s body clock was still set to ‘Finalizer’ as when Normay entered the cell, he was already awake and staring at the wall opposite while huddled up on the bed. Did he even sleep? It seemed to take him a while to realize she had graced him with her very pregnant presence. He blinked a few times when the door shut behind her and only then did he start to rouse.

 

“If anyone asks you if you had a visitor this mornin’, what’re you gonna tell them?” Those icy eyes stared at her, as if he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming her or not. Rolling her eyes, Normay crossed the tiny room and bent down in front of him, clicking her fingers in front of his face. It seemed to work. “Did you hear what I said?”

 

“I….” Hux blinked again, even more rapidly and shook his head to rid himself of whatever stupor he’d sealed himself into. “No…. What?”

 

“I said….” Normay took him in as she spoke. The ginger beard and the long, greasy strands just seemed so out of place, they weren’t the Hux she knew. “If anyone asks if you had a visitor this mornin’, what are you gonna tell them?”

 

“I’ll tell them that I did?” He attempted though still not full comprehending the situation or the question.

 

“No. You’re gonna tell them that no one came this mornin’. That the first person you saw today was whoever brings you your breakfast ‘cause I don’t really have clearance to be down here. Right?” She paused a moment. “Do they let you wash?”

 

“Yes, sometimes.” Like last time, his focus was the bump now that he was fully alert. He noticed it had gotten bigger and it seemed to place more strain on its host. “So why are you here? I thought you would have come to see me sooner.”

 

“You’re not my priority, Hux and this isn’t a social visit.” She noticed the staring. Why it fascinated him so much, she couldn’t quite place; it was probably a variety of elements which she elected to ignore. It was going to be difficult to portray the urgency of this situation without getting emotional but she would have to try.

 

“So what’s Phasma up to?” Hux’s gaze heightened to her face for a brief moment with confusion ghosting his gaunter than usual features. “You said she was on Aargau but where? What’s the story with her followin’?”

 

“You know more than I do, I’m sure.” The confusion still marred his pallid face and when choosing her questions, Normay would have to realize that he had little to no contact with the outside world. “I’ve told you where she is. I don’t know anything else.”

 

“What about scouts?” May had hardened, her nostrils were flared and her arms had folded over her bump. If she had to scare answers out of him, she would do so. She wouldn’t follow Brom and beat them out of him. Yet.

 

“I don’t understand-“

 

“Don’t fuck with me, Hux. We found a scout in Mos Eisley. He’s the one that told us about Phasma. Where would followers gather?”

 

“Normay, if there was a scout; he was probably of Phasma’s own recruitment. Not mine. I don’t know who was evacuated off Starkiller except you, Ren and I.”

 

“So how’d you know she’s on Aargau?”

 

“That’s where the vast majority of our financial support comes from.” Hux explained, tiredly scratching behind his ear absentmindedly. “It’s not mutual as such but the laws are drafted in such a way that both sides can trade there. Sometimes we run into trouble, sometimes we don’t.”

 

“Where Phasma is on Aargau will depend on where she can find support. If you want to find her or her supporters, go to Aargau. I can’t tell you anymore beyond that.” It was better than nothing. Normay breathed a small sigh and ran a hand through her silver locks; she wore it down mostly now.

 

“May I ask a question?” That distracted her enough from her fret. What could he possibly want to know? She already knew he had questions from her previous visit but the nature of those questions waited two months to be unveiled.

 

“Yeah, g’wan. Go for it.”

 

“Are you happy?” Now, she wasn’t expecting that. Involuntarily, she displayed it with the disbelieving bark of laughter and a facial expression to match. Nor did she expect him to look a little bit deflated at her reaction.

 

“I’m sorry, what?!”

 

“I asked you if you were happy?”

 

“Why the fuck do you wanna know that?!”

 

“Because I care about you and I want to know that you’re happy.”

 

“Jesus Christ, this just gets better and better, doesn’t it?” May averted her gaze with a small shake of her head. If she was honest, he’d surprised her.

 

“What’s wrong with that question?” She’d seen the dejection and though he did his best to hide it, the psychologist was more than adept in her knowledge to still see and hear it in him.

 

“It’s just…. I dunno…. I just don’t see why that would matter to you but okay, I’ll play ball. Yes, I’m perfectly happy. I’m with the person I love, I’m carryin’ his kids, we might be movin’ house soon. I’m actually _doin’_ somethin’ worthwhile with my time and my life. So yes, I’m pretty fuckin’ happy.”

 

Hux didn’t give a verbal answer. He simply sat against the wall with his knees tucked up around his face and his arms wrapped around them. When Ben first told her about how Hux was faring down in the cells, she’d laughed. But now…. She did feel a little pang of pity.

 

“How did it happen?” The despondency just seemed to deepen and Normay couldn’t ignore it. She watched him with a curious frown now but her hardness hadn’t dissipated.

 

“How did what happen?”

 

“You and Ren. His version was somewhat crude.” _Oh was it now?_ “Where did it start? How?”

 

“You sure you wanna ask those questions?”

 

“I know I won’t like the answers but I feel like I need to know.” Normay’s sigh was patient and it indicated to Hux he was going to get the poisonous answers he craved. She would rather have been sitting for this though. Her back and feet were already starting to ache.

 

“That time on the bridge, when you told him to stay away from me?” Hux’s head turned slightly, one icy eye watching her, morose. “He started stalkin’ me after that.” He made no comment. Of course Ren would defy what he said. It was what Ren excelled at.

 

“He found me in the med bay one day, cleanin’ out a cabinet. You and me had done our thin’ the night before. He _sensed it?_ I dunno. I’ve never understood the Force-“

 

“That makes two of us.” Hux interjected quietly but his sagging position remained the same.

 

“Yeah…. Anyway, he said I was calmer and he wanted to know how-“

 

“Oh Gods, don’t tell me he-“

 

“Yup. Looked into my head. After that, conversation built. He was fascinated. He didn’t know he had a crush on me for a long time…..” Hux shifted uncomfortably at the ‘c’ word but didn’t change or let on too much.

 

“We just…. Became friends. We confided in each other, we trusted each other. Which was somethin’ he’d never really had before. I think he-“

 

“That was about the time our arrangement ceased.” She could see little of his face but enough to know she’d struck a nerve.

 

“Yeah. We met every day, we got closer but it never went further than that, despite your fuckin’ paranoia-“

 

“I was perfectly entitled to be paranoid!”

 

“Whatever, the point is: You overreacted. Nothin’ was goin on. We were close and that’s all there was to it.”

 

“I saw you in the med bay.” The very brief bout of anger had been stored away and replaced with gloom again. “I saw you sitting on his lap, your forehead pressed against his….. Of course I was going to overreact…. If I hadn’t…. If I hadn’t done what I did, would we still-?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because me and Ben had connected in a way that you and me never connected. It was never gonna last, Hux. I mean surely you knew that? It was nothin’ personal.”

 

“It doesn’t get much more personal than that.” Hux grumbled and he seemed to be abating the anger again though she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it took too much energy.

 

“I don’t want you to be happy for us. I don’t expect it, I mean why should you?”

 

“You told me you couldn’t have children.” He disregarded that statement. Of course he wasn’t going to be happy for them. If nothing else, they had the freedom to roam while he was left to rot. While Normay’s innocence was more or less unquestioned, Ren was as much accountable for loss of life as Hux himself.

 

“I thought I couldn’t. Well, I knew I couldn’t but stuff happened and it’s a long story that I don’t really wanna go into.” He didn’t make a comment on this either, despite asking about it.

 

“And how did it become official? Surely you didn’t decide to get married just as friends? Have children as friends?”

 

“Chill, Hux. It didn’t happen till after we crow-barred you-“

 

“Is that what happened?”

 

“Yeah, I would say sorry but I’m not. You were pervin’, man.” He didn’t respond to that particular accusation, merely shifted in offence again. Perhaps he was _a little_ guilty of that charge.

 

“I still have headaches, thanks to you.”

 

“Not my problem, buddy. Anyway, we locked you in the cargo hold, he kissed me and we came here. We were kinda together from then on. They set us up livin’ together and two weeks later, we started ridin’ and that’s how it happened.”

 

“Ben asked me to marry him, killed Snoke, I got sick, I got better and a few months later, I got pregnant. That’s the abridged version of events.” The full light of day was starting to creep into the tiny window that kept Hux sane. Or tried to.

 

“Look, I gotta go but uh…. Just hang in there, okay? I’ll try and come and see you again soon.” Needless to say, his reactions were more than telling. Downtrodden didn’t begin to cover it. Her relationship with Ben was seen as little more than theft and betrayal. But as she had already told him; it wasn’t his concern.

 

 _“One more thing.”_ Normay was about to leave the cell but half turned back when he spoke. What she saw resembled little more than a frightened, lost child. He still sat huddled against the wall on the bed but what little she could see of his features sent a stab of empathy into her system. He wasn’t crying but he looked dangerously close.   _“Are they going to execute me?”_

The pregnant female didn’t know how to answer that. It took her a moment of silent debate within herself and yet, she couldn’t seem to tear her eyes from the shadow that was now all that remained of her once powerful lover. She decided the only way to answer him was truthfully.

 

“I don’t know.”


	28. For Kicks.

“The pressure’s too much on them, Ben. Get off.” With a small, defeated sigh, the dark haired male did as he was bid and knelt on the bed beside her while she struggled to sit up on her elbows. “We didn’t account for it bein’ this difficult.”

 

“No, we didn’t.” Ben agreed and looked around to try and think of something else. He was beginning to see her concerns about their predicament with the pregnancy in more way than one. “How about….. You lie at the end of the bed and I’ll stand up? Is that worth a try?”

 

“I’ll give anythin’ a go at this stage.” May replied with a small edge of desperation in her voice. She didn’t think pregnancy hormones would make her so….. Horny. More to the point, with the size of her stomach and both parent’s paranoia, it was harder than previously thought to satisfy her.

 

He helped her up and followed guardingly, naked and barefoot, along the side of the bed as she scooted down to the edge where they had decided to try. Ben waited until she was comfortable and she gave him the nod but almost immediately, it was a problem.

 

“You’re too tall!” Normay cried out in frustration while Ben stooped in an attempt to enter her that didn’t quite work and if he continued, he probably would have put his back out. “Fucks sake! We shouldn’t have to calculate like this! It’s supposed to be passionate, damn it!!”

 

“May.” Ben knelt down again and placed a small kiss to her knee and letting his hands linger on her thighs. Even if he got nothing out of it, he would rather that than see her distressed. “Don’t get upset, babe. We’ll figure something out. D’you want me to-“

 

“No.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because if you blow air in there by accident, it’s all over.” Normay glanced around like Ben had, inspiration was minimal in this room and hopes of satisfaction were fading fast. “What about the wall?"

 

Again, the loyal husband helped his (almost) heavily pregnant wife to her feet and walked her across the room with a hand on the small of her back. All in the name of pleasure and fulfilment; anything he could do to help her, he would do it without hesitation. But again, there was something wrong with their position.

 

“I’m too small.” May moaned with her frustration growing at an alarming rate. “Don’t strain your back, babe.” Resting her forehead against her beloved’s shoulder; she did feel like crying though it was merely an abundance of hormones working against her. He sensed it and pressed a comforting kiss to the side of her head.

 

“Do you want to take a bath?” He asked her quietly, gently trailing his nose up and down her cheek, almost as if trying to iron in the kiss he had just placed there. It truly was a long shot, he knew (like everyone else) that a bath didn’t compare to sex. “Might make you feel better?”

 

“No.” She sounded different, more resolute and determined. He felt her moving against him and took that as his cue to step back. Ben watched curiously as his wife pulled on her night robe (it didn’t tie as well as it used to) and slipped her feet into her shoes. “Follow me.”

 

Naturally he did. His curiosity hadn’t abated as he stood leaning against the doorframe of the bedroom while May locked the front door and pulled across the window coverings. It seemed his wife valued privacy more than he did since he was contented to strut about the house with nothing on. Despite how May had berated him several times for it, reminding him that Rey didn’t knock anymore.

 

Ben’s head tilted as the pieces slowly clicked into place. She had kicked off her shoes, discarded her robe and now, she knelt up on the high backed armchair with her back facing the rest of the room and one of her elbows resting on the top.

 

“Well?” She pressed him with something akin to impatience though he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t admiring the view as well with still confused as to what she was doing. Now, it was more than clear. So he complied.

 

This was far easier. May knelt on the chair with the comfort of the cushion underneath her and the light padding of the back of it was unhazardous to her stomach though she kept her hand between them at all times just to be certain.

 

Ben stood behind her and this particular position seemed to be the perfect compromise for the couple; for May’s comfort, at least. Worked up at the very idea of it, Ben’s breathing was heavy as he held his wife’s hip and pushed in to a simultaneous, grateful sigh at the glorious sensation of envelopment.

 

He wouldn’t go too hard or move too fast. May wasn’t exactly delicate (he knew that from both sexual and non-sexual experience) but he knew she worried about the babies. And why shouldn’t she? His thrusts picked up ever so slightly just to stimulate them both and from the soft whines of enjoyment coming from in front of him, Ben would maintain that pace for a while.

 

“Hey asshole!” The partially annoyed call woke him from his own pleasure and caused him to open his eyes; he didn’t even realize he’d closed them. He leaned to the side which made him slow his thrusts just a fraction.

 

“What?”

 

“Either kiss me or don’t but if you don’t, you better be fuckin’ payin’ me afterwards!” She was irritated but Ben knew by now not to take anything she said too seriously unless she told him to. He also knew that the hormones in her system were being jostled as she was being sated.

 

A quiet titter of laughter escaped the male and he leaned in further to push light kisses along her shoulder and the top of her spine but mainly focused on her neck. He smiled against it at the soft purrs of indulgence and closed his eyes again with a few groans of his own.

 

“I love you.” He told her in barely above a whisper with the proximity to her ear. He realized (and his mother had confirmed this for him) that while Normay was strong and veracious and confident that she too became self-conscious. Especially with a bump out in front of her, she needed that little bit more care, attention and reassurance.

 

“I love you too, you sappy fucker.” He couldn’t quite get his face as close to her’s as he would have liked but their position was bound to have some drawback. “Who’d have thought that doin’ what put them in here in the first place would be made so difficult by them?”

 

“I know.” Ben allowed another laugh, triggered by the amusement in his secret wife’s voice. She’d gotten the contact she craved and was now better natured because of it. “Maybe they’re afraid it’ll get too crowded in there if we keep doing it.”

 

“Yeah well…. That’s mammy and daddy’s fault. Actually, it’s daddy’s fault.”

 

“Oh sure, blame the sperm donor.”

 

The conversation ceased there while the two felt themselves crawl closer to their respective peaks and did so together in the closest thing they could achieve as a couple. Ben chose then to kick his thrusts up another notch to help them both along to completion.

 

May went first, still clutching her stomach and her free hand had curled into a fist at the last, loudest and longest moan. Her walls convulsed which sent Ben spiralling into his own orgasm. He spilled everything he had into her (which was what had gotten them into that position in the first place) and inched forward to rest his chest against her back for the extra closeness.

 

She was able to stretch back for his lips to find hers, something else their position had been lacking. Ben cradled his wife’s hip with one hand and her bump with the other; he remained inside her for a moment or so, enjoying the contact.

 

“I hereby dub this our sexy time chair.” Normay declared softly with a tired smile that earned her another adoring kiss from Ben. They stayed wrapped up within each other for a while until the nakedness proved to be too cold. “Shower?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Ben waited in bed while Normay dried her hair. The length of the silver waves meant it took significantly longer to rid it of all the water to ensure a comfortable night’s sleep. She managed to get bigger sizes in her nightdresses since maternity was considered rare. Either that or she was looking in the wrong places.

 

“Did you find- OW!!”

 

“May?! May, you alright?! What’s going on?!” Ben, of course, scrambled up in bed and stared helplessly at her. Worried, he started to get up but she held up her hand and he stopped. The pain had been sharp but fleeting.

 

May braced herself against the doorframe of the bathroom with confusion marring her pretty features while she tried to distinguish what it could have been. She gripped the door frame when she felt it again and Ben tried to move but she stopped him once more.

 

“May, what is it?!”

 

“I dunno but it hurts.”

 

“Is it them? Are they okay?”

 

“Hang on…” May winced when she felt it again but it wasn’t so hard this time. Her head dipped and Ben’s worry only intensified. He watched her petrified and when she started to shake, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Ben….” He stopped in his tracks before he reached her. Normay looked up and he saw the shaking was _laughter._  “Ben, they’re _kickin’_.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Like when Ben first discovered the twins’ existence, May was laid on the bed and her stomach was a source of fascination all over again. Repeated kisses and adoring strokes were given to his wife’s bare bump. He had held his hand over it until he eventually felt it and the sheer glee and delight it evoked was beautiful.

 

“Which one is it?!” He asked like an excited child, not quite registering that there wasn’t really any way of answering his question. “I can’t wait to tell everyone. Rey is gonna freak, mom is gonna freak… This is amazing.”

 

“Hey.” Ben looked up and the side of his face was cupped by his wife’s unnaturally pale hand. He leaned into it and his cheek was stroked in an exceptionally affectionate gesture. “Have you maybe thought about forgivin’ Luke?”

 

“Are you out of your mind? After what that bastard did? No way, May. Not happening. You could’ve died!” He kept a hand on her bump so he would miss nothing while he spoke but the utter joy that accompanied every kick made it had to come across as mad. Which he was. Luke was still unforgiven for interfering with May’s health.

 

“Yeah, I know.” May admitted with a tilt of her head though she was determined that her husband would forgive his uncle. It wasn’t for Luke’s sake, goodness no. She just wasn’t sure what holding onto that kind of anger would do to him. “But if he hadn’t done what he did, babe, we wouldn’t have these guys. We wouldn’t be havin’ the kicks and the movements. Ben, we probably wouldn’t be able to have kids full stop. Just… Think about it.”

 

 

“What were you trying to ask me when the first tantrum started?” Ben asked fondly (he had started calling it a ‘tantrum’ and was amused by it), still holding his wife’s stomach even though the kicking had calmed down. Normay assumed they had fallen asleep.

 

“What I was _tryin’_ to ask you…” Normay began, endeared by Ben’s renewed enthusiasm. “Was if you’d talked to your mom about a new place? Somewhere bigger for the kids? Anythin? Or do we have to look elsewhere?”

 

“As it happens, I did.” The dark haired male confirmed, tucking his silver haired companion closer to his side. “And there is a place; it’s on the other side of the base by the droid repair workshop. Maybe two or three minutes from it. It’s much bigger but no one’s been in there for a while. I had a look at it with Poe this morning and it’ll take a bit of work but he says he’ll help. Mom says if we can clean it up, it’s ours. I think we should go for it.”

 

“I’ll help where I can.” May offered though she knew she would be restricted. “And I’m sure if we ask around, we’ll get more help. Finn and Rey would definitely help us. Chewie probably would if I ask him. And our sexy time chair is coming with us.”

 

“The sexy time chair won't be forgotten. We’re gonna do this. We’re gonna provide for our family and stay with the Resistance.” Ben was wonderfully firm and eager at the very idea. It felt right. While the First Order and the dark side had been a comfort, he very quickly fell out of said comfort zone when his father died. She was there waiting for him, to guide him and she’d done just that.

 

There was no way of telling how things would have been different if he had been taken to Snoke. And he daren’t think of what would have happened to Normay if she had been left alone with Hux. Ben might never have seen her again and the very idea killed him. But it was all behind them. Married and expecting two children, he wouldn’t have dared to wish for such a development when he met her.

 

“I think we’re gonna have to disappoint Poe though.” May’s voice brought him back to the conversation and away from the past.

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“Well, I told him you’d run the landin’ strip naked when the kids started kickin’.”

 

“No, what you said was that I’d run the landing strip when the kids started kicking but if I happened to be naked when that happened, I wouldn’t bother to put clothes on. Or something to that effect. BUT. I wasn’t naked when it happened so you’re right, we have to disappoint Poe.”

 

“We should probably sleep. We have a briefin’ in the mornin’.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So all that remains to decide is who goes to Aargau.” Leia addressed the full briefing room the next morning. All ranks gathered and while they were assured it was just a recon mission, there was still a tenseness in the atmosphere. “We need volunteers to scout the cantinas- Absolutely not.” The General pointed to her son and daughter in law who had both raised their hands.

 

“You said yourself that you were seen unmasked on Starkiller. Anyone who has been on Starkiller or Finalizer, however briefly, is a liability. Jessika? Excellent. No, Temmin, you were interrogated. Ello? Wonderful. Lieutenant, thank you. We’ll try and get as many droids into the cantina as possible while Poe and Temmin conduct a surveillance flight in more subtle ships overhead.”

 

“May?” Initially disappointed by being shot down so quickly, the silver haired Rosundan looked up quickly when he name was called by her mother in law. “You will be going but not to the cantinas. I want you in Jessika’s, Ello’s and Lieutenant Bastien’s ears. You did well last time but we can’t risk it with your condition.”

 

“I’ll go.” She accepted her duty with a brief nod and her eyes locked with Leia’s but felt Ben stiffen beside her.

 

“If May is going, I’m going too!” Ben barked from beside her, her hand clasped in his as per usual. It seemed General Organa was not interested in starting an argument in a packed room on official business so she allowed it. The meeting was concluded with the declaration that they were leaving in the morning.

 

“Well….” May began with a small sigh as they left the briefing room still hand in hand. “Looks like the house is gonna have to wait for a while.”


	29. Do You Copy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team run into unexpected trouble on Aargau.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, guys! I hope this makes up for it! Pristine Condition is next!

“Speaking of which: C’mon, I’ll show you the house.” Her sigh put the idea in his head and so Ben gently pulled May’s hand to change her direction away from their current home to their (with any luck) future one. “Four bedrooms.” He began rattling off like a realtor as he guided his wife; one hand holding her’s and the other stretched across to hold her waist. “Compact outside space; fenced off, of course, to prevent little ones from escaping.”

 

“Compact? But big enough for two kids and a dog?” May asked amused by Ben’s playful façade and letting her husband dictate the course. As always, an unnaturally pale hand guarded her bump and with every second step she took, there was a kick of protest to match it. “I don’t know what ye’re kickin’ me for, we’re doin’ this for ye. Ye want to run around a garden, don’t ye?”  

 

“Small dog, big kids.” Ben answered as he checked his mental map he’d made a day or so previously of the base to ensure he was bringing her in the right direction. A quick consultation told her he was.

 

“Ben; I swear to God, if I end up pushin’ out big kids, it’s your fault.”

 

“Spacious kitchen….” The male continued cheerfully, disregarding his wife’s partially serious warning when he realized they were almost there. “Two bathrooms; large, open living space, plenty of room for sexy time chair….”

 

“I think we should _probably_ keep that in our room…..”

 

“Aaaaaaand….” Ben stopped and physically turned Normay to face a house she almost walked past due to its extensive disguise of ivy. “Here we are.” May blinked up at the dual story building as if it was taking a while to register that she could be looking at her new home. It seemed to be made from the same material as their present home (then again, all the buildings on the base seemed to be made from it).

 

It was certainly bigger. The ivy probably housed all matter of things that could be hazardous to them and the children but if it was removed carefully and not allowed to regrow, that wouldn’t be a problem. For now, that was her biggest qualm and it was difficult for her to see past it.

 

“It’s….”

 

“Not as bad as me and Poe thought.”

 

“Uh…. Huh?”

 

“Can you give me more than one syllable at a time, babe?”

 

“Okay…. So, aside from removin’ all the ivy…. What else has to be done?”

 

“Bits and pieces. New doors, new windows, new fittings…. Furniture, obviously but I think we could take most of the stuff from the old place unless you wanna get new stuff.”

 

“Does that mean you’re gonna make stuff?”

 

“Like?”

 

“Stuff for the kids, Ben. A cot, a changin’ table? Things like that? It’d be nice for their dad to make stuff for them.”

 

“Yeah…. I think I could do that…. I mean, how hard could it be?” A lot harder than he thought but poor Ben wouldn’t realize it until he actually tried. May stifled a quiet laugh and it seemed her partner’s reasoning had won her over.

 

“I suppose we’ll have to wait and see until we get back. I’m sure the others’ll give us a hand if we ask.”

 

“Fine but you’re asking Chewie.”

 

“I’ll ask Chewie. C’mon, I’m fuckin’ starvin’.”

_“I can’t wait for this to be over!”_ Ben moaned for the umpteenth time from the pilot’s seat of their tiny shuttle. He kicked back in his seat out of frustration and boredom but was cut off by an impatient hiss from his wife.

 

“Shh!” Shooting a small glare, she paused to let it sink in before replacing the headset. Normay listened to the hum of the cantina as it was relayed back to her from the microphone hidden in the folds of Jessika’s, Ello’s and Lieutenant Bastien’s jackets. “Testin’, Jess. Do you copy?”

 

**“I copy. Nice to hear a familiar voice.”**

“I’m right here, love. Lieutenant, do you copy?”

 

**“I hear you, May.”**

“Grand job. Ello? Do you copy?”

 

**“Loud and clear.”**

“Nice one. Right lads, ye’re in different parts of the bar. I’d rather ye can’t see each other, that way we’ll get more ground covered. Have a look around; make sure you don’t see each other. Be nice and subtle about it. While you’re doin’ that, see if you’ve attracted any attention or notice anyone lookin’ at you. If it’s a passin’ glance, you’re okay. If the attention lingers, I want you to plant your arse on the nearest available seat and keep an eye on them.”

 

“Nice and subtle does it.” May encouraged into her own microphone while Ben tried to entertain himself. “If I’d known you were gonna do this, I would have left you at home to start on the house.” May covered the mic and leaned back in her seat to arch an eyebrow at her husband. He simply rolled his eyes in response. “Why don’t you go to bed? You were complainin’ you were tired a minute ago.” So he did. With a huff, Ben got up and stalked behind her to the little bed at the back of the shuttle.  

 

“Cameras are goin’ online now. There’ll be a high pitched beepin’ but try not to react to it.” On the screen before her, it took a moment for picture to materialize but when it did, it was split into four. One for each volunteer and the forth monitoring the entrance to their shuttle should there be trouble. “Sorry about that, lads. Now, if you spot somethin’ or somethin’ spots you; turn away to tell me. Best case scenario if they see your lips movin’ is they’ll think you’re crazy. Get yourselves a drink, somethin’ mildly alcoholic; there’s nothin’ more suspicious in a place like this than someone drinkin’ virgin.”

 

May scrutinized the cameras though the three volunteers were silent; they too were vigilant. So far, nothing. This was the third cantina; there was no guarantee they would find something in this one or in any of them for that matter but that didn’t stop her (or any of them) being hopeful.

 

“Jess, you’ve got an admirer.”

 

**“Yeah, I see him. Should I be worried?”**

“Nah, he’s just checkin’ you out. Swap with one of the boys if you’re uncomfortable.”

 

**“No, I’m okay. If he comes over, I will.”**

“Comfort is key, Jess.”

 

**“I know. I’ll let you know if I need to move.”**

For while, there was nothing else aside from Jess’ admirer. He didn’t make a move, simply watched her but May saw no malice or suspicion, simply desire. She knew what that felt like; checking out someone in a bar. Jess was comfortable and so maintained her position.

 

**“May?”**

“You alright, Ello?”

 

**“Guy just walked in and sat down a few seats away. He keeps looking over, he doesn’t look friendly, can you see him?”**

May zoomed into Ello’s miniscule camera and he did seem to have attracted attention. This man was probably in his sixties, cropped grey hair and an utterly sour expression. It wasn’t unknown for fights to start in cantinas for no reason (just ask Uncle Luke) but this wasn’t that kind of aggression and this man was more than likely too old to be picking fights anyway. This didn’t look good.

 

“I see him. Yeah, he doesn’t look like the cuddly type. Keep an eye on him.” Another external call distracted her and would have obscured her contact with the others anyway. Determined to keep this call short and get back to her current mission, May prodded the screen to bring the call into life. Before she could greet the person on the other end, they had launched straight in.

 

**“May, where’s your shuttle docked?!”**

“Poe? Northern bay behind the cantina, why?”

 

**“Another shuttle just docked. Stormtroopers are disembarking; I can’t even count ‘em, there’s too many of ‘em!”** _Shit!_

“Okay, stay calm. I’ll get them out.” She told Poe to stay calm but the pregnant Rosundan wasn’t sure if she could follow that advice herself.

 

 **“Hurry!”** May’s screen returned to normal and it was the bottom right hand corner of the screen that caught her eye and made her stomach lurch. Two Stormtroopers inspecting the drop ramp of their ship that seemed to have appeared while her screen was taken up by Poe’s com.

 

“Guys, can ye hear me?!” Trying to keep her voice even but obviously failing, Normay had to bring the crew to safety.

 

 **“May? Is everything okay?”** Jess asked, noting the mild hysteria in their guide’s voice.

 

 **“I can hear you.”** Lieutenant Bastien responded with the buzz of the cantina still in the background.

 

 **“Something wrong?”** Ello was the last to answer but at least she had confirmation that they were all safe. For now.

 

“Lads, I need ye to get up carefully and get out. Subtly does it, get your asses back to the shuttle and we’ll get outta here.”

 

**“What’s wrong?”**

“A shuttle of Stormtroopers has just landed. There’s some by our shuttle but they’ll be dealt with, just focus on gettin’ back here as quietly as possible.” Sure enough, the three camera feeds started to move. The stationary feed outside the shuttle still projected the Stormtroopers examining their ship. “Ben, love?” It took him a moment to answer but the longer May watched the feed outside, the more her nerves started to climb. “Ben?!” That seemed to have woken him.

 

“What?”

 

“Okay. Shit’s gone bad.” Ben emerged from the bedroom (it wasn’t even a bedroom, just a closed off part of the ship where the bed was), scratching his head and obviously tousled. How he didn’t hear the fray in her voice, she wasn’t sure but she assumed it was down to him just waking up.

 

“What is it?

 

“There’s Stormtroopers outside.” Ben leaned over his wife’s shoulder and stared at the live image of the soldiers he used to command (maybe not those ones specifically); the danger was more imminent than she let on. He thought it had been a joke and his blood had frozen when he realized it wasn’t. Sure, the First Order was reviving but he didn’t think it would be at the stage where Stormtroopers would be involved again. “I need to get the lads back to the shuttle safely.” Before Normay could edge out another word, Ben’s lightsaber was snapped from his waist and ignited.

 

“May, I’m serious. Don’t move from here.”

 

“Yeah, cause I was plannin’ on goin’ straight into the path of Stormtroopers at five months pregnant.”

 

“Do you have a blaster?”

 

“Yeah. Where’re you goin’? They’re literally just outside the shuttle.”

 

“The others are going to need an escort back.”

 

“Ben, they’re scattered throughout the cantina and-“ May’s eyes were drawn back to the screen where all three camera feeds had hit the daylight outside the cantina. “Okay, they’re out.” This was the dangerous part – getting back to the shuttle.

 

Ben dropped the ramp and immediately, blaster fire was drawn. The ex-dark Jedi resisted it both with the Force and his lightsaber like he had done on Jakku and Takodana before he returned to his roots. The Stormtroopers were blown back with a swipe of his hand, their blasters and some of their armour scattering and skittering along the ground as they went.

 

May watched on the live feed with her thumb nail clasped between her teeth. Her blaster was ready and waiting in her other hand and the other three pictures were shaking as they ran, turning at regular intervals to return the fire they had drawn. She could hear it all; the grunts of effort as they ran and fired simultaneously, the high pitched squeal of the blasters and the faint croaking of the Stormtrooper radios. And it was getting closer.

 

“Poe?!” May closed the feed temporarily to get Poe back on the line. He sounded just as worried and as panicked as she no doubt did.

 

**“You alright?!”**

“For now! Can you drawn fire from us?! Ben’s gone out with his saber but I dunno how many he’ll be able to take!”

 

**“We’re trying to draw fire but we’re trying to not draw too much attention either! Are they out of the cantina?!”**

“I think the time for bein’ subtle is over, Poe! They’re out, they’re bein’ fired at!”

 

**“Shit! We’ll distract ‘em till they  get to the ship! Take off as soon as they’re on board and don’t look back! We’ll follow!”**

“Be careful, Poe!” May shut off the com and one of the four mini screens had gone dark. Ello’s camera was offline. With a hand over her mouth, the silver haired female tapped the screen with desperation but stopped and slowly turned with the clattering of footsteps coming up the ramp. Removing the headpiece as carefully and as silently as possible, she laid them down on the desk and got up with her blaster held aloft and ready.

 

May’s initial thoughts were her babies. When those Troopers stormed that ramp, she would be outnumbered and probably taken. What would they do to her? She probably wouldn’t be given a free pass on account of her (obvious) condition; the First Order weren’t that merciful, she’d seen it first-hand.

 

 _“I love ye both.”_ She told them both aloud but as softly as she could manage while she tried not to get emotional (hormones didn’t know of a good time or place). May flattened her back against the wall beside the entrance to the ramp while she clutched her blaster for dear life though her fingers were sweating and clammy from the expectancy on the trigger. The footsteps got nearer and nearer until eventually a form burst into the floor space. May coughed out an exhale and thanked whoever was watching over her for failing to pull the trigger. Out of breath and frightened; May and Ello just kind of stared at each other in relief.

 

“Pilot’s seat.” The mother to be instructed and Ello leapt at it. “We need to be ready to take off when the others get here. If they get here. Did you see anyone?”

 

“No, we all scattered. I saw Ben kicking ass briefly and he waved me on back here. “

 

“ _That’s my Ben.”_ May breathed to herself as she sat back down at the screen to check the progress of the others. Ello’s black screen was accounted for; he had turned off his camera upon reaching the ship. The stationary feed outside was positioned just short of the action and she could just about make out the shape of the shuttle looming on Lieutenant Bastien’s feed, he would be with them shortly.

 

Jess’ feed was far more worrying. It looked like she was stumbling, as if she was hit. Watching with the same petrified worry that she had when she noticed Ello’s camera was gone dark; May chewed her bottom lip and listened to the groan of agony as Jess turned for the umpteenth time to fire back over her shoulder. When Jess faced the front again, they could both see the form bounding towards her and for a moment, Normay’s heart was in her mouth as it closed in. However, when it got closer; the relief between the two was palpable.

 

Ben wound an arm around Jess’ waist and deflected the shots as he had been tirelessly doing since the instant the ramp dropped. He helped her along, defending her and knocking back the shots so she could concentrate on getting back to the shuttle. Meanwhile, Lieutenant Bastien arrived; red faced and winded but like Ello, made for the co-pilot seat on May’s instruction with no protest.

 

“Be ready to make straight for light speed. Ben and Jess will be with us in a minute. We need to get the fuck outta here.” It felt like an hour before the desperate scrambling of two sets of footsteps started up the ramp. The engines fired automatically and the ramp started to close just as Ben carried Jess the rest of the way up, one arm behind her neck and the other under her knees. He laid her on the bed at the back and before another word could be spoken, light speed was underway.

 

The pinging of the Stormtrooper blaster shots on the shuttle would be a traumatic reminder of a close escape and an uneasy prelude of what was going to come.


	30. Sleepless and Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May has trouble processing guilt after the mission goes awry and finds an ear in the most unexpected place. Unfortunately, it doesn't end well, as could probably be expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about the wait again! Pristine Condition is next I think! If you’re following that, shit’s about to hit the fan!

None of it seemed real. How had something so simple gone so wrong? It was a routine scouting and observation mission; no contact was supposed to be made. They had posed no threat, blended in perfectly and yet, still managed to draw attention. How?! Did they stink of Resistance? It was supposed to stay clean but they’d been lucky for the most part. Jess was in the med bay; blaster wound to the shoulder and a nick to her leg left her in absolute agony but now, thankfully, she was sedated and resting peacefully. The rest of the crew sat in silence, Poe and Temmin in the debriefing room while Leia paced, unnerved and despondent like the rest.

 

 

Ben held May’s hand, both interlinked on the table in a reassuring grip while everyone tried to calculate in their own way what had gone wrong. The Rosundan’s spare hand, of course, stayed on her bump and her husband would slide her the occasional sideways glance in empathy. They had nothing to go on as such only that there were definitely Stormtroopers stationed on Aargau. Unless they’d been tipped off, they surely wouldn’t have been able to arrive so swiftly if they weren’t nearby? _If_ they hadn’t been tipped off. There was no way of telling how long they had been circling, how long they’d been waiting. 

 

 

Their ace card, Ben, was gone now too. He’d been exposed when he went to fetch the others and escort them back to the shuttle. To assume he hadn’t been spotted and recognized was too risky; cutting down Stormtroopers, aiding a Resistance fighter and retreating to a Resistance ship would have him blacklisted now if ever he had a chance to spy. Not only Ben himself but no doubt, word of a red cross-guard lightsaber, a one of a kind design, would have made it back to Phasma by now. Either Kylo Ren had changed side or had been killed and his lightsaber taken.

 

 

The team waited with bated breath while the footage taken from the cameras was being analysed by the technicians for something May might have missed while trying to keep track of four feeds at once. Not that anyone maintained blame on her in anyway but still…. It took for Poe to com her to be informed of the threat and she did kick herself for that.  The outside of the ship was also being swept; not just for damage but even worse, the concept of trackers put the others even more on edge. The idea of a surprise attack on the base was unthinkable.

 

 

“Good news so far.” Major Caluan Ematt shattered the uneasy peace of the debriefing room. The older, white haired male, a veteran of the Republic and the Resistance took his place beside Leia who had stopped to dutifully hear the ‘good news’. “We’ve swept the ship, inside and out. It took plenty of fire but we’re satisfied that there’s no trackers so we’re safe for now.” Ben squeezed May’s hand and brought it to his face to press a relieved kiss to it. He wasn’t the only one to be significantly more at ease given the news. That had been the main worry after all.

 

 

“We’re still going through the footage from the individual cameras, nothing so far.” Major Ematt continued with an accidental smile at the beautifully overwhelming shift in the atmosphere. “Chances are, we won’t turn up anything from them but we want to be doubly sure just in case we missed something important, something that might explain where this attack came from. We’re going to focus on some people sticking out to us already, see what we can find out.” Major Ematt excused himself, saying something about returning to the technicians to see if anything had turned up in his absence.

 

 

“This might have been messy.” Leia spoke for the first time; breaking the quiet, reassured chatter that had started to bubble after Ematt’s exit. “But we got out with the minimum damage and that’s what matters. The medics have said Jess is going to be fine and if she’s our only casualty, we’re lucky. This could have been a whole lot worse.” The elder female paused and looked around with her eyes lingering ever so slightly on her ‘soon to be’ daughter in law; it must have been petrifying, coming under siege while carrying two children. “Get something to eat, rest and I’ll update you in the morning. Dismissed.”

 

 

“Not as bad as we thought.” Ben murmured, leaning towards Normay with a supportive grasp still on her hand as the others got up around them. “Jess is gonna be fine and there’s no trackers on the ship. Could’ve been a hell of a lot worse, babe.” May’s agreement was a mere grimace and an inclination of her head, an action that caused Ben to blow out a huff of wrought patience. “C’mon. The kitchen will still be open, save you cooking.”

 

 

“I don’t really feel like eatin’, Ben.” She answered, tired and strained, hungry too but almost unwilling to put her body through chewing, swallowing and digesting. “I just wanna go to bed, they’re kickin’ mental and I’m worried ‘bout Jess.”

 

 

“Don’t worry about Jess. She’s in great hands, nothing’s going to happen to her, I promise.” The much larger of the two pulled himself closer in a bid to win her around, what else could he do? “I know you don’t, babe but you have to. They need you to. Please, come to the canteen with me, have a bite to eat then I’ll take you straight home to bed. You can check on Jess tomorrow after the update. Sound fair?”

 

“Fine, let’s go.”

 

 

 

 

Ben rarely had trouble sleeping. He was usually lulled to sleep by the warmth of his wife’s smaller form curled up against his and the occasional drumming against his hand stretched open on May’s stomach which he seemed to manage regardless of their sleeping position. That night was no exception. The twins were listless; one asleep while the other appeared to be trying to tire itself out with a few lazy kicks every now and then. It didn’t hurt anymore, rather it felt like a small little tickling push from the inside that others could feel as well. The mission (or rather its failure) haunted her. Jess’ condition played on her mind and the realization of a tracker-free ship was almost overshadowed by it. The guilt prodded at her; she should have noticed danger sooner.

 

 

How long had it been since she saw Hux? The last time had something of a sour ending (not that their endings ever had a pleasant one) but that was more than likely down to the redhead’s uncertainty of his future. If he even had a future. May sighed as she wiggled her way out of Ben’s grasp, having given up on sleep. Resigned to restlessness, the female dressed quietly and slipped from the room before her other half could wake and notice her absence. She didn’t leave the house straight away. Instead, she rooted in the closet in the living room until she stumbled upon the bag she was looking for – the contents of said bag had been bought for Ben.

 

 

 

 

“Is he awake?”

 

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Came the disgruntled and drained reply of the guard on duty without looking up from the screen on his console nor did he inquire to the contents of the bag as he was supposed to.

 

“Right, cheers.” Normay’s response was less than sympathetic and packed something of a sarcastic bite before the door slid to the right to admit her into the cell block. Typical that Hux’s cell would be at the bottom of the row when her feet were killing her. Amazingly, her former lover was awake when she got there. In bed and tucked up under the miserably thin blanket but his head lifted from the pillow to curiously greet the unexpected visitor. “You awake?”

 

 

“I am now.” There was no trace of fatigue or exhaustion in his voice, indicating to the younger female that he hadn’t been asleep at all, merely resting but expectant as though waiting for her to grace him with her presence. There was no way he could have known though, even she didn’t know. When the door closed behind her, Hux sat up in the bed; pale chest glaring in the low light of the cell. “I can’t tell if this is a very early or very late visit, what time is it?”

 

 

“I dunno. I just got outta bed, I didn’t even look at the time. You naked?”

 

“Possibly. Does that concern you?”

 

“Well, I came down to do somethin’ for you.”

 

“Oh? I never thought that when I’d have you again that you would be swollen with Kylo Ren’s pups.”

 

“D’you fuckin’ listen to yourself? And that’s not what I came down for. I’m fuckin’ married, you sick freak.” Hux shifted in the bed with a light sigh at the somewhat vicious retort, not out of discomfort or shame; more of indifference or limbering his body from lying still for so long.

 

“You said you came down to do something for me. When you asked if I was naked and given our _history_ , you can’t blame me for jumping to conclusions.” Casual, leisurely, nonchalant; he stretched out in the bed and regarded her with something of a sinister curiosity. Red head tilted to watch her and the sheet had been allowed to dip and hang about his waist. “You can see why I just assumed you were bored already. You did say before you weren’t meant for monogamy.”

 

“Things change.”

 

“Clearly. You told me you couldn’t have children and yet you seem to have tripled in mass.”

 

“Fuck you, _Aubrey!_ I came down here to do somethin’ nice for you, d’you want it or not?!”

 

“Depends on what it is. Are you sure your intentions aren’t somewhat dishonourable?” That gaze was unnerving but she’d come this far, might as well continue and win out.

 

“Christ al-fuckin’-mighty. I came down to give you a fuckin’ hair cut but if you’d rather look like a mop is tryin’ to eat your head, I can go back to bed and save myself the trouble!”

 

“I think we both know if you could sleep, you wouldn’t be here. You would have left me stew until you needed something. I’m a boredom breaker, Normay, you might as well admit that.”

 

“Fine, you’re a boredom breaker. You were always a boredom breaker. D’you want the goddamn haircut or not?”

 

“Very well. I will allow you to cut my hair and trim my beard. I’m guessing I’m not to mention this visit either.” May had already begun rooting in the uninspected bag and pulled out a scissors while Hux adjusted himself in such a way that his ex could reach him at all angles.

 

“They’re gonna notice your hair and they’re gonna ask who did it, you might as well tell ‘em the truth.” There was little conviction behind the answer. Sitting on the bed behind him brought back an awful lot, all from before she met Ben; the thoughts weren’t exactly distressing, she was comfortable enough with the changes she’d made but they were still _there._ “Besides, we have a briefin’ in the mornin’ anyway. Ben will probably notice I’m gone.”

 

“I didn’t realize you were already married.” That had been a slip of the tongue on her part. Of all the people on the base, why was it that only her former lover had to be the one to know?

 

“I don’t think that would’ve changed your behaviour.” May remarked almost coldly, referring to the borderline sexual comments he’d made. The quiet _snipping_ of the sharpened blades slicing through several fiery strands became continuous white noise behind the conversation; in the gaps, it became the only noise. She started at the back to avoid looking at him, to let him get the more personal questions out of his system before she started to work at the front. “But yeah. It just kinda happened. We were on Naboo, one thin’ led to another and we just…. got married. Mention that to anyone, by the way, and I’ll break your fuckin’ face.”

 

“Charming as always.”

 

“Mmm.” The loose hair tumbled silently down onto the sheets around him; the dark, greasy red standing out like blood against the off-white sheet that would have to be shaken off when she was finished. The snipping continued from behind while another lapse in a one-sidedly hostile conversation broke for a few moments.

 

“You still didn’t tell me why you’re here so late. Is something keeping you up? Marriage troubles?” The perversely hopeful and suggestive tone was ignored. Barely.

 

“Marriage is perfect.” The silver haired mum to be answered dismissively, gripping his neck almost too tight to hold him steady. “Still newlyweds, at it like bunnies. Not that that changed with marriage or anythin’. Ben’s incredible; in the sack and out of it. Dotes on the bump, can’t wait for the kids to arrive-“

 

“And you? You seem rather apprehensive.”

 

“I have every right to be. I have health problems, I don’t wanna pass them onto my kids. And then there’s the Force thin’, that’s another worry.”

 

“I think you came down here to vent. If you were to tell these things to anyone else, they would think you’re not happy, that he’s not enough for you, that you don’t want this pregnancy.”

 

“Except none of those thin’s are true.” They weren’t but maybe he was onto something when he mentioned venting. She hadn’t thought of that. As if she didn’t hear him, she fell into another pool of silence, letting the sharp edge of the scissors do its work. Had she unconsciously sought Hux out as an outlet? Did the mission get to her that badly, the guilt? “I’m awake ‘cause a mission went tits up. I know it’s not my fault but it just feels like it is. My friend is in the medbay, my husband could’ve been killed and me, five months fuckin’ pregnant, I could’ve been taken with others by more Stormtroopers than I could count.” There was no response to that as such, as if his lack of input was an invitation for her to continue. Wasn’t the hairdresser supposed to listen while the client spilled their guts? Not the other way around?

 

“If it’s any consolation, under no circumstances would I put an expectant mother out in the field on any kind of mission.” The statement dripped condensation to which Normay rolled her eyes. Of course he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t have a pregnant woman serving on his bridge in the first place and it was nothing to do with her safety or the safety of her children.

 

 

“Yeah, Hux ‘cause you’re _such a good guy.”_ May finished the back and what she could reach of the sides from her given position then the time came to face him. Hesitantly, she got off the bed and shuffled around to the side until she was face to face with her ex-lover. Up close, he did look worn, unkempt and weak; as if his conditions and his everyday life were simply draining him of the will to live. Now though, when those icy blue eyes lingered on her face, there appeared to be a spark of vitality.

 

 

The snipping resumed but his gaze never broke from her while hers remained on her area of concentration: his hair. She lifted the strands within her alabaster fingers, taking care with the blade and the tip not to cause injury to herself. The visit and the reason behind it had been innocent if somewhat selfish on her part and while Hux might have tried to present himself as neutral, she should have seen the wolf lurking within. It started with her stomach.

 

 

 _“Don’t!”_ The warning was clear and the dislike was there when both bony hands claimed either side of the bump and held it. Why, she couldn’t fathom but his grip only relinquished when she physically removed herself out of his space and dragged herself rapidly out of his reach along the bed. He said nothing for a moment; offered no explanation or apology for his cryptic fascination just blinked an offhanded blink as if absolved of responsibility and a line overstepped.

 

 

“Why?”

“’Cause they’re mine, not yours and I don’t want you touchin’ them!” And why would she want a mass murderer touching her children? What reason did he have to touch them that wouldn’t make her skin crawl?

“That’s hardly fair, Normay.”

“I don’t give a shit! I’m goin’ to finish this and you’re not gonna put a hand on them again, got it?!”

“It was merely congratulatory; you have my word.”

“Yeah right! I bet it was! One more time and I’m outta here, I don’t care if it’s done or not!”

“As you wish but I do think you’re overreacting, Doctor.”

 

Hesitant to resume her position, Normay grudgingly placed herself back in front of the once General and continued the snipping, the familiar action and the sound almost lured her into the previous comfort when she tended to the back but the smaller female’s guard was stoked until she was on edge. Patiently; he waited for her to finish, waited for her to relax and just a few snips away from perfection, May’s face was grabbed, sandwiched between two grotty hands. As if that wasn’t bad enough, her breathing space soon became restricted by vile breath and an invasive tongue.

 

 

The first blind shove against his chest wasn’t felt or responded to. The unsolicited exploration of her mouth continued until the second shove with a cry out of effort and disgust. However, it only pushed him back, it wasn’t enough to be released. Dumbfounded, May watched with absolute horror while Hux regained himself and those probing eyes settled on her once more. He moved in again but she managed to jerk her head within his hands to buffer another attack.

 

 

 _“Help me to leave this place.”_ The words and the tone dripped with lust and his limited vision raked down what he could of her pregnant form with half lidded eyes. The speech surely represented some sort of madness, a dwindling mental stability. _“Come away with me and restore me to my rightful place within the Order. On my life, I swear to you, you will have **everything** you desire at my side when the new Empire rises. I will keep those children as my own but the next ones you carry will be mine. You would be foolish to refuse, Doctor.” _

The third shove was enough to fully pry her free and with it, she was on her feet at the edge of the bed; panting with utter rage, cheeks pink and nostrils flared.

 

“You’re out of your fuckin’ mind!” In an instant, May tossed the scissors back into the bag and it was hauled back up onto her shoulder, the floor beaten under her furious, stomping footsteps towards the door. “You’ve some fuckin’ nerve! I’m married! Happily married! The Resistance have been so good, welcomin’ and understandin’ to me and you want me to go and fuckin’ _betray them?!”_ The door was opened prior to the savage hiss of: _“Fuckin’ psycho.”_ and quickly punctuated with the slam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a sleazy, entitled Hux.


	31. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded debriefing takes a strange turn that suggests the team are closer to war than they think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After months, another chapter. Guys, do leave feedback. I feel people are losing interest in this fic and therefore I’m hesitant to keep writing it so do let me know xxx.

“Where’d you get to?” Normay hadn’t expected Ben to be awake, let alone up and dressed but there he was, sitting on the bed and pulling on his boots.

 

“Needed a walk.” May lied with a grimace. “Needed to clear my head.”

 

“How’d you sleep?” To lie to her best friend and most cherished companion, her husband and the father of her children, grated at her. If the guilt from the day previous wasn’t enough, she lumped herself with more by going to see Hux then lying about her whereabouts. Would he be understanding if he knew? Possibly. He wouldn’t like it but he would probably understand why she did it.

 

“Not great.” At least that confession was true. “If I slept at all and I don’t think I did. I just couldn’t sleep, I was restless and I just needed to get out so…. I don’t even know what time it was.” Ben was already on his feet and had gathered her up into his arms before she even finished speaking. How could she even think of obeying Hux? Even if she never touched him like she used to and if she never bore his children like he’d requested, she couldn’t fathom betraying her new family. “Might need a lie down later. The growing bump acted as a barrier between them but one will always get as close as possible to what they want, despite a barrier. With Ben and Normay, the same was true. Despite the solid bulge; May was held, cuddled and kissed in an attempt to comfort his beloved but unable to see her face, he was unaware of the lack of impact.

 

“C’mon.” Relinquishing her body, Ben took her hand instead and while he tried to remain enthusiastic, that fret she radiated was contagious. Even if he understood (or at least thought he did), he would have preferred she didn’t stress herself so much; if not for her sake then for the children’s. “Breakfast’ll take your mind off it before we go to the debriefing.”

 

“Right. But I’ll need a sleep later.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Nuna sausages and Gartro egg untouched, May just stared at the meal that normally would have tickled her fancy and rendered her salivating. It couldn’t have looked less appetising now, it actually even looked different to how it usually did. Of course, the sloppy sounds from across the table didn’t help. Ben’s order was more or less the same but a larger portion with added extras and a larger stomach to fill.

 

“Aren’t you gonna eat?” How he’d managed to remember to swallow before speaking was beyond both the husband and his wife but he did observe the basic table manner…. For once. For the most part, Ben wasn’t very good with reading people; they had put that down to living so many years as Kylo Ren. Sometimes, he overlooked things like stress or tiredness or anxiety that would inhibit someone but he would press on with them as normal, expecting a normal reaction. More often than not, it got him into trouble. That said, he was known (on rare occasion) to pick up on these things and proceed more carefully. Out of concern for not just his children but his wife as well, he decided to handle the matter more carefully. “Hey.” It was enough to wake her from her guilty stupor or maybe it was the larger, more calloused hand that gently gripped hers from across the table. “You okay? Your breakfast is getting cold.” Poor Ben really was trying; to see her so dejected without really knowing why would naturally make him uneasy.

 

“Yeah…. I’m okay, just worried about the briefin’.”

“I told you not to worry about that, May. Everything’s fine, they found no tracking system, no one on Finalizer knew the location of the base and anyone who _might_ have known it on Starkiller probably didn’t make it off. Only me and Hux knew it. The debriefing is just a final summery, there more than likely won’t be any new information so just…. Stop worrying, okay?” Not so easy for Normay, unfortunately.

“Right…. Listen, after the briefin’, can we stop by and see the house again? I just wanna have a look with a clear head, start askin’ for help with it maybe.”

“Whatever you want, babe.”

 

* * *

 

 

The scene in the debriefing room was virtually indistinguishable from the night previous. Everyone sat in the same seats, the same holographic model of their ship turned on the table; undisturbed by mugs and cups, Ben even held his wife’s hand the same way. Poe arrived and occupied the seat beside Ben; while the two males engaged in quiet conversation, Normay’s mind could drift. She’d have to tell him about Hux. She had to own up to her mistake and accept her punishment lest her mind sink further into frenzy, hence the request to see the house. If Ben exploded, at least he would do so out of the immediate vicinity of the rest of the Resistance.

 

 _What’ll he say? What’ll he do? Will he leave me? Will he understand that is was Hux and not me? It was still my fault; I was down there when I shouldn’t’ve been. Fucks sake, May, how did you manage this?! Your children are gonna grow up without a father ‘cause of you!_ Perhaps she was being too hard on herself but May saw little hope and reconciliation to be had when she confessed her crime to her husband, even if her only intention had been to vent; albeit to the wrong person. Needless to say, she hadn’t even thought about Hux’s offer of putting her on a pedestal if she helped release him. It was lies and propaganda; why should she run the risk of getting hit again but with no means of escape this time? She’d have been foolish to even consider it. Shallow enough in her pool of thought, May’s consciousness was just about disturbed by the light curtain of hush that fell on the room. General Organa had arrived.

 

“I hope you all rested well.” The small talk was a mere distraction while she seated herself into comfort before casting a slow, scrutinizing glance around the room; as if to see if they had, in fact, rested well. Her eyes stopped at May who happened to be sitting at the edge but it also appeared that her ‘future’ daughter in law was not as spritely as the rest. “I don’t have anything as such to update you with.” Leia began once she’d enticed herself away from Normay’s troubled exterior that didn’t seem to abate much with the news. “Upon closer inspection of the ship, no tracking devices were found. An informer inside the cantina, separate from this operation, reported several hundred Stormtroopers in ships of an identical design to standard First Order transports. That’s not good news; it means they have a fleet, it means they have foot soldiers. It also means there’s push behind them, someone pulling the strings, by that, we can only assume Phasma was successful in her endeavours on Aargau to secure funds.” Organa’s gaze rested on her only child but it was by no means accusatory.

 

“You’ve been exposed. The original plan was to send you as a mole agent and pilot but that can’t happen now. They know you’re one of us and so our options are spread quite thin. If we don’t do something soon, we leave ourselves open for an attack.” A bout of silence followed the paining news before Leia opened the floor again with: “Any suggestions?” Of all the people to speak out, the grey haired Rosundan did so clearly and calmly, dictating what her mind had gathered while listening to the General and piecing together the terrifying events of the day before.

 

“Ben’s been exposed.” May’s voice and thick accent drew the tilting of heads and renewed attentions spans that Leia’s blow had left behind. “But Kylo Ren hasn’t.” Before anyone could challenge or interrupt her, she continued. “The scout in the Eisley said no one knew what happened to Kylo Ren. He said there was a rumour the Resistance had Hux in custody, who’s to say they didn’t have Ren as well?”

 

“And how would that have happened?” Leia probed, to see if this was thought through and possibly fool proof.

“I overpowered General Hux and locked him in the cargo hold. Ren was incapacitated from his injuries and unable to stop me so I changed the coordinates and came here, having overheard the base location on Starkiller. I handed them over in exchange for protection for myself.”

“And the lightsaber?”

“Stolen by a curious Resistance member while Ren recovered in the medical bay, under arrest of course. Naturally, before he escaped, he stole it back.”

“Ben was seen throwing Stormtroopers back with a wave of his hand, how would you explain that?”

“The Resistance was a safe haven for Force sensitives while the First Order made it their business to snuff them out, there’s plenty of them on the base. He’s just another Force sensitive.” So far, so good. Leia’s attention turned to Ben once more, he seemed to still be processing it all.

 

“Has Phasma ever seen you without your helmet?” The question provoked thought but not for very long. “Is this suggestion viable?”

“No. I never saw her without hers either.” Ben glanced sideways at his wife, the suggestion maker. “It’s viable. My only concern would be Stormtroopers from the runway. If they recognized me, it mightn’t go so well but I think I can work around that; I’ve manipulated Stormtroopers before.”

“And escaping and leaving Hux behind?”

“Me and Hux were never friends, she’d know that. Besides, she won’t care as long as one of us comes back to relieve her. They’ll want leadership, she’s not conditioned to make big decisions.”

“So….. Is this an option? Would you be willing to return to the First Order as Kylo Ren? You know the risks involved, you know it would mean tempting fate.” It wasn’t so much hesitation that Ben struggled with, more a clamouring of everything that would need to be done and preparations that would need to be made.

“I will. I’ll do it for my family but I’ll need a new mask and Hux’s shuttle.” How strange it must have been to be willingly return to something (or rather someone) he had done his best to escape from and smother only to return to it and embrace it. Only now he had faith in himself; his wife had faith in him. That counted for more than he really knew.

 

“Then it’s settled. Ben is going undercover.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

As promised, Ben escorted May to the new, prospective family home even though the debriefing hadn’t quite gone to plan.

 

“I can make a start tomorrow.” He began as he sauntered in a head of her, eyes flickering in all directions while he made a mental note of everything he’d need. The walls would need a fresh coat of paint, the floors would need to be scrubbed and new fittings would need to be installed; all to make way for the first babies to be born on the D’Qar base. “And keep going while I’m waiting for the mask to be forged. With help, of course.” May’s answer was unrelated.

 

“I didn’t mean to just volunteer you.” Guilt seemed to have a theme streaking through May’s life in the past day or so. “I just… I really want this to be over. If anyone can do it, it’s you. You didn’t have to say yes, no one would’ve pushed you.”

 

“They would’ve come to that conclusion at some point anyway and I would’ve accepted when they asked.” He replied with a benign, blameless shrug; that was some comfort at least. Ben wasn’t entirely worried; he had no doubt he would return unquestioned to the ashes of the First Order to destroy them rather than resurrect them. He fully believed they would embrace his presence, that his orders would be heeded as always and even if it was currently just a belief, he would make it fact. Therefore, the former (and soon revived) Kylo Ren was confident.

 

“D’you have a plan?”

“I have an idea and I’ll build on it while I’m waiting.”

“Wanna run it by me?” Procrastination at its finest. Ben, who had been examining a crack in the wall, turned to lean against it; all the while watching his wife. If he had any requests, her safety was going to be his paramount priority.

 

“I’m going to lead them in an attack on the base.”

“But….”

“Hold on.” The concept was raw, unpolished and still a mere rough sketch but with more thought and deliberation, the male was sure he could turn it into something solid. “Every last manoeuvre is going to be planned, the Resistance are going to be ready, they’re going to know our every move.” Ben paused, nibbling on his bottom lip while Normay waited for him to continue. “I’d rather there weren’t casualties, May, but there probably will be. You can’t be one of them which is why I’m taking you back to Rosunda on my way to Phasma.”

 

“Just a minute!” Ben should have foreseen the indignation from his tiny spouse. How many times had she told him that just because she was pregnant that she couldn’t do something? It was insulting! “I won’t abandon them! I mightn’t be much good with a blaster but I can still do first aid or somethin’! They’re gonna need all the help they can get if you’re bringin’ the full might of the First Order in here and I, for one, **am not** leavin’!”

 

“And what if something happens to you, May?! What if something happens to be babies?! The others would _want_ you to be safe, they’ll understand if you’re not there! And if you think for one minute that my mother won’t haul you onto the shuttle herself, you’re wrong!”

 

“I understand, Ben, but I can’t be away from you. What if you get hurt? Or worse?”

“Then you’ll be safe from doing something stupid to save me.”

“You can’t honestly think that if you drop me off that I’m gonna fuckin’ stay there?! Not only that, I’ll brin’ my fuckin’ brothers and the First Order won’t know what him ‘em!”

“That’s exactly what I think and as much as me and Brom don’t get along, I think he’ll agree with me.”

 **“You’re unbelievable!”** May barked, understandably irked that Ben wanted her to do the same thing Hux essentially did – Abandon the Resistance. As though disturbed and upset by the noise, the twins’ feet started pounding against the inner walls of her uterus though she was too riled to pay any attention. **“I’m not goin’ anywhere! I knocked Brom out once, I’ll fuckin’ do it again!”**

“I’m gonna talk to Poe about getting this place started.” Ben terminated the argument by not only changing the subject but heading for the door to leave her cool off. “I’ll see you at home.” Alone, May’s chest heaved at the injustice, and worse, everyone would agree with him. Her children were her priority but if she didn’t do this, if she didn’t contribute that the galaxy wouldn’t be one she’d want to raise them in. And what if something happened to their father? Her reason for bringing Ben to the ‘new’ house was to address the guilt about Hux but they didn’t even get to that. It seemed that would have to wait.


	32. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May comes clean about what happened with Hux. Ben reacts accordingly though his response is more Ren than Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I may have gotten addicted to Tinder which (and I swear to God, this is the truth), I only joined as research for a new fic. Delays stem from there and being sick on other stories as well. xD

 

 

Normay didn’t want to return home just yet. Not just to Rosunda but the little cottage that had sheltered them since their arrival, where the bulk of their relationship had developed and where their children had been conceived. Ben would be there and probably unapologetic for his practical exile of her to her home planet. Her hands tightened to fists at her side as she walked the worn floors of their supposedly ‘new’ home, if it ever got to be. She couldn’t decide what made her feel more betrayed: Being _told_ she was going home by someone who allegedly loved and respected her or that everyone else would agree with him. Had she overlooked her own safety and that of her children? Or did she just want to put up resistance? Did she **want** Ben to be angry with her by frustrating him so she wouldn’t feel so guilty, even if the reasons weren’t interlinked?

 

She glanced at her comlink and rolled her eyes when she remembered the time was wrong from when she reset it in a hurry after dropping it (again). How long had she been there? How long had it been since Ben (wisely) terminated the argument and left? Well, it wasn’t so much an argument as a barrage from her side and an attempt at sensibility from his. Still, aggravation bit at her: _How dare he?!_ Perhaps hormones were a little to blame as well but it was difficult to know when they had effectively betrayed each other in different ways. Except his betrayal was out of concern for her welfare and that of his unborn children while hers had been selfish and in an attempt to seek solace for herself and ease her conscience be venting to her ex-lover. Looking at it in that light, she simply felt worse.

 

May took the long way home. Whether it was to enjoy the afternoon sun on her face or to delay seeing her husband, she couldn’t decide but if it was the latter, she wouldn’t admit it. It occurred to her to detour, to face Hux again but she couldn’t promise the result wouldn’t be the same. In fact, it might add fuel to the fire that heated his delirious notions if he saw her again. Needless to say, Normay wanted to stamp those out. If, by some extraordinary circumstance, the Order won the battle that Ben had planned and the worse came to be; if her husband was recognized and executed, she would do what was necessary to protect her children: Crawl to Hux’s side. If she was even on the planet but she had no guarantees that if such a thing happened that Hux wouldn’t seek her out for pride’s sake.

 

Ben was home when she eventually arrived. Sitting at the table with a bowl of soup left over from the day previous, he sucked the spoon and dipped his bread as if a potentially life changing event wasn’t about to occur; least of all that he would be the one to bring it around. He didn’t look up when she closed the door even though she wasn’t that far from him; in fact, the breeze from it gently ruffled his hair. The female stayed by the entrance for a moment, seemingly doing nothing while it appeared Ben wanted her to speak first. Usually, May was more stubborn in these situations but now, her nerves had frayed beyond stubbornness and Ben could see it.

 

“We need to talk.” The words that would instil terror into any partner in any stage of a relationship and Ben was no exception. When he expected her to speak first, those words weren’t what he had in mind. They were the last things he wanted to hear, even on a subconscious level. The lowering of his spoon into the soup slowed until the implement became engulfed by the liquid, dictated by the depth. He stared down at it for a second, as if the inanimate object would stop any dreadful conversation that began with the words: “We need to talk”. His lips folded into each other in a display of subtle anxiety while possible outcomes bolted through his head and it took seemingly a lifetime for him to heighten his eyes to his wife, still standing by the door, with dreading curiosity.

 

“Okay….” At a loss for appropriate responses, the dark haired male pushed back from the table ever so slightly to face her but that seemed to be the only thing he could do to pacify the wary restlessness aside from fidgeting. “Uhhmm…. D’you want some soup? It’s left over from yesterday but it’s okay if you heat it…. I mean I know you know it’s okay if you heat it, you made it but it’s not bad. It’s not as good as it was yesterday but-“

 

“Ben?”

“Yeah, sorry… I just uhh…. Talk about what?”

“Stuff.”

“What stuff? This conversation or the thing we had the conversation earlier about?”

“Neither.”

“Right.”

 

Another bout of strange silence niggled the pair of them separately though they both felt the same thing. May still stood a small distance away while Ben still sat with his head inclined back ever so slightly to take her in but his eyes couldn’t stay focused. _Neither._ The word and the way it was delivered was so…. _Wooden. Dead._ Was she **that** serious about not going home?

 

“Umm…. So….”

“Ben, look…..”

“Don’t leave me.”

“What? Leave you? Jesus, Ben, I’m breakin’ my arse to stay with you but you won’t let me! And I told you I wouldn’t leave you! Remember when we came here, I told you I wouldn’t!”

“You said it was about something else. You said it wasn’t about soup or making you go home.”

“It’s not.”

“So what is it?” The silence swallowed them again but now, the onus was on May. Hands clasped and dropped to rest on the chair between the sprawling chasm of his legs, Ben sat and waited for something he was sure he wouldn’t like. Unwilling and unable to break the quiet and therefore expose herself just yet, Normay began a thoughtful saunter; as if finding a good way of putting her indiscretion would come to her if she moved.

 

“Babe, you have to promise you won’t freak out.”

“May, when someone asks you to “promise not to freak out”, they’re about to give you a reason to freak out. So, no, May. I reserve the right to freak out. Tell me.”

“Okay so, y’know last night, how I couldn’t sleep?”

“Yeaaaaaah?” Ben’s suspicion was clear, to hide it would be to lie.

“Well…. I…. Jesus Christ….”

“Out with it, May.” Pressure mounting, she had to spit it out. If she irked him enough, she couldn’t promise herself he wouldn’t go into her head; he’d done it before, albeit in different circumstances.

“Okay…. I went to see Hux.” Automatically, instantly, the atmosphere in the room changed. Rather than sitting, Ben was on his feet and leaning against the table with a dark expression clouding his face as though daring his wife to continue.

“May…. **_What. Happened?”_** The last time he’d asked her that, Hux had struck her and left her bruised like a peach. Hesitant to continue and (if she was truthful) slightly afraid, the silver haired Rosundan swallowed softly as any guilty person would do. **“What. Did. You. Do?!”**

 _“A haircut, I gave him a haircut.”_ The squeaked response elicited an irritated snort like a raging Bull Rancor while his weight shifted from hand to hand on the table.

**“You haven’t been acting the way you have over a fucking haircut, May! What did you do?!”**

_“I didn’t do anythin’. He kissed me.”_ As if someone had hit a pause button, everything froze. She’d said it and he just stared at her. Time seemed to suspend without bothering to keep track of itself so neither Ben nor May could say how long he gawped at her or how long she waited, petrified, for a reaction. _“I kept tryin’ to push him off but he was stronger than me….”_ Ben’s tongue clicked, the first sound or movement he’d made since she confessed though she couldn’t tell if it was a good or a bad gesture.

 

 **“Right!”** In one swift movement, Ben’s weight had been released from the table with his stunned demeanour forgotten and a path already cleared to the door. When he passed, May could feel the intensity of the rage and utter betrayal working in tandem to propel him forward and out onto the landing strip. Only then did she jump to follow him.

 

“ **Ben!! Where’re you goin’?!”**

 **“I’m going to keep a promise I made a long time ago!!”** Ben, or rather Kylo Ren, had indeed made a promise on a packed bridge for all the base staff to hear with humiliation of Force-choking to go with it. **"If you ever even look at her again; I will kill you with my bare hands in front of your staff. Am I clear, General?"** He remembered it so clearly in a protective fit of fury when Hux had harmed her and though he had no base staff to witness this promise being fulfilled, he would fulfil it all the same. Ben charging across the landing strip towards the main base did not go unnoticed. He stormed past Finn and Poe who both whipped around curiously to watch him pass and again at his clattering mess of a wife who tried to keep up but her shorter legs and significant bump were more than enough to hinder her.

 

 **“Stop him!!”** She called desperately to the two males who had both turned again to comply but hesitated as if involuntarily waiting for a reaction. **“Fuckin’ stop him!!”**

 **“What’s going on?!”** Poe shouted over the noise from the landing strip with Finn at his side, breaking into a jog after Ben but holding back enough to try and get information from Normay.

**“He’s gonna kill Hux, catch him!!”**

**“Kill Hux?! Why?!”**

**“Doesn’t matter why, just fuckin’ stop him!!”**

Each step towards the holding cells was thundered under the boots of Ben Solo. Not the heavy ones he insisted upon under his black robe, not those. These ones were lighter; more comfortable on the feet, less sweat inducing when he worked and easy to slip off at night to ease himself into bed beside his wife. Those boots had never felt wrath or temper like Ren’s boots had but they felt it now. No explanation was given to the security guard who simply let him pass without looking up from his holopad. Inside the cell, that arrogant, ginger head turned to the thumping of footsteps in the hallway and immediately, his back straightened in defence though he had no clue of who he would be facing or why. It soon became clear. With little to no time to prepare, it happened in a blur. The cell door was thrown open, a haze of grey and green tore through the cell and Hux found himself with his back against the wall, his entire weight almost dangling with its only support being the monstrous arms of Kylo Ren.

 

“Ren, as far as I know, visiting hours are-“ The noise and sensation that followed had been heard and felt before. But instead of an invisible command, Ben opted for a more _hands on_ approach. Namely, his hand around Hux’s throat with his palm pressing in tight on his Adam’s apple.

 

 ** _“I warned you.”_** The snarl had undercurrents of menace swirling as his eyes flashed, the noises of choking gasps only encouraged him to keep his hold. **_“I warned you not fucking look at her but what did do you do instead? You went and put your grotty fucking hands on my wife.”_** His grip loosened ever so slightly when he noticed Hux’s effort to speak despite the pressure and so allowed it.

 

 _“She was mine first.”_ The huffing gasp probably wasn’t the most intelligent thing to say to the husband of the woman he’d offended; a husband who was incidentally bigger, stronger and more gifted than he could ever be. Needless to say, the insolent comment earned the resumed seizing but with even more gusto. Ben watched the satisfying shade the General was turning, something of an indigo. So immersed with doing the maximum damage, the ex-Knight didn’t notice two close friends sweep into the cell while his fretful wife lingered by the open door.

 

 **“LET GO OF ME!!!”** With Hux shoved to the floor and an arm to each male, Poe and Finn did their best to wrestle Ben away from the coughing and spluttering redhead; their combined efforts saw something of success though progress was slowed by the continued attempts to return and finish off his prey. **“HE TOUCHED MY FUCKING WIFE!!! HE FUCKING TOUCHED MY PREGNANT FUCKING WIFE!!!”** How the two smaller men had managed to remove Ben from the cell (even with the most intense difficulty) would always be a mystery to May and the two themselves. With the door secured and Hux out of sight, Ben calmed but not by much. **“WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!”** His attention rounded on his companions.

 

 “C’mon man, we need him.” Poe tried to reason, slightly out of breath from the struggle and a hand on his hip while May selected to stay quiet. “I know you’re pissed but when we’re done with him, I won’t stop you. May’s okay, that’s what matters.” Conceding (barely) by running a large hand down his face, Ben paced the corridor until Poe gave Finn the nod to give the couple privacy. Neither husband nor wife spoke. Her guilty silence spoke volumes while he leaned against the wall with his eyes closed, massaging his temples. After a moment or so of calming mechanisms, Ben elbowed off the wall and powered past Normay as if she was simply part of the décor.

 

“Ben?! Where’re you goin’?!”

“I dunno. Away.”

**Author's Note:**

> What do I even write here? I started playing around with this character and writing more and more on her. This story has been quite popular on another fan fiction site so I said I'd try it here too and see what ye think! If anyone's wondering about the speech patterns, certain phrases and general foul mouth; Normay is from the Star Wars equivalent of Ireland. And we like to curse.


End file.
